Awful Guilt

19 Replies
Tillie - June 20

My baby is 18 days old and I feel constantly guilty that I'm not being a good enough mother to her. Right now, for instance, she's passed out in her little vibrating chair because I wanted to make myself lunch and check my e-mail and have a few relaxing minutes to myself. But instead, I'm wolfing down a sandwich at light speed and feeling TERRIBLE just looking at her. I could cry! I feel awful if I put her in her chair or swing, or if I attempt to give her a pacifier when she's crying (despite having JUST br___tfed her for 40 minutes)--something about putting a fake, plastic nipple in her mouth feels so incredibly sneaky and cruel. Am I being ridiculous? Is anyone else feeling guilty whever you do anything that doesn't involve holding, cuddling or feeding your baby? I'm really not a neurotic person, normally--what's with all this awful guilt?

 

Kel - June 20

Tillie, I felt the same way when I had my baby (she is now 12 weeks old). First, you need some time for yourself, whether you are eating, checking emails, showering, whatever....I felt horrible putting my baby in the swing, but many people rea__sured me that our babies do need to learn how to entertain themselves at times. It's actually good for them. My daughter now loves her swings and she is able to see all the little toys on the top and she'll laugh nonstop when she's in there now and I take a shower. Yes, babies need cuddle time, etc. But they also need to knonw how to entertain themselves a bit. As far as a paci, I thought I would never use one and I do. Babies need that sucking. My daughter takes her paci after he bottle almost every time. Its like her dessert. Please don't feel like you are a horrible mother. You are loving her, feeding her and being wonderful. Your hormones are going crazy right now so its completely normal to feel this way. I promise it does get better, when my dd was that little I didn't think so but I promise you it does.

 

Shana B - June 20

Tillie, first of all you are not an awful mother because you want to eat a sandwich! You just went through labor to get her here and you are tired; that's so normal. Pacifiers are a good comfort to babies, it doesn't mean your trying to replace anything that you could give her. I think your feelings are normal and if you can't take care of yourself, you won't be able to take care of your dd either. We all need breaks and you shouldn't feel guilty, although it may be difficult sometimes.

 

Debi - June 20

Tillie, you're fine. you are learning the incredible art of "Mother Guilt" It's this remarkable gift that we all get when we become mommies. We all want to constantly hold and cuddle our little ones, but sometimes it's not practical, especially if you have other kids at home or you need to go to the bathroom, etc.... You are NOT a bad mom. (you ARE still very hormonal too) If she feel asleep, she must not be too unhappy..don't beat yourself up, my kid's all loved thier bouncy seats :) Good luck, you're doing great!!

 

Sam - June 20

I felt the same way when my baby was as old as yours is, and the whole time I was home on maternity leave. That neurotic guilt lessens....I think it's a byproduct of having a newborn, but new types of guilt happen every day. It's sad that you have to feel guilty, but at least it's born from intense love. Keep in mind, your hormones are crazy right now, and that might be part of why you're feeling the way you are. It evens out eventually.

 

HannahBaby - June 20

I have never felt guilty for any of these things....My daughter always fell asleep in her swing or bouncy seat. I would have felt more guilty to wake her up to put her in a crib. And i think that pacifiers are gods greatest invention. You cant walk about with your child attached to your b___st all day can you? I held my baby ALL day until she was about 2 weeks old and then i was like "wow, i cant do this forever" so i started doing things for myself again. Dont feel guilty, you sould like an awesome mom.

 

HannahBaby - June 20

ps. Im pregnant with baby number 2 and my daughter is 17 months. I know there is no way ill be able to snuggle and hold this baby like i did with hannah....So i feel a little guilty about that.

 

Rabbits07 - June 20

Don't feel guilty...you sound like a great mom. Just because we have babies doesn't mean that we aren't still an individual. Babies like their swings, bouncers, etc...and a pacifier helps soothe them so you certainly shouldn't feel guilty about that. You're not being ridiculous in the way you feel either, it's just that overwhelming motherly love in combination with out of whack horomones. You'll feel more sane and comfortable as time goes on....and by the time she's 3 or 4 you'll be craving that alone time and longing for the day that you could go to the bathroom without someone beating on the door, hollering, "Mommy, what are you doing in there?!" ;-D

 

Jamie - June 21

Have you thought that perhaps you might have a bit of ppd? And, it's okay to leave your daughter in her chair. If she's sleeping, she's obviously comfy! You do need to learn to take time to yourself every day, or you will go nuts.

 

Tillie - June 21

Thank you all so much. This REALLY makes me feel better. I'm glad I'm not alone in my exaggerated guilt! I just love my daughter so much I can hardly breathe sometimes--I had no idea I could feel so much for someone. (Wow, my husband would just love to hear that!) I'm going to stop feeling so guilty about putting her in her swing sometimes, and while I'm at it, I'm going to try the pacifier...though so far I've tried three brands and she hates all of them!

 

Rabbits07 - June 21

I had the same experience w/ ds. I spent a small fortune trying to find a pacifier that he would take to no avail...he prefers sucking on his arm. Some babies just won't take a paci.

 

Dalinkwent - June 22

dont despair tillie, I hold the world record for th world's worst mother. You sound like a normal parent and human being. good luck. No one is perfect.

 

HannahBaby - June 22

enought with the guilt trip deliquient. Its obvious that you dont feel welcome here, so why do you keep coming? No one said that your were a bad mother, just one in need of some help.

 

Ginny - June 23

Hey, Tillie, my baby was a hesitant about the binkie (much preferring mommies sore nipples for hours) until I started rubbing some br-milk on the tip to help "fool" her. I wish you a good night's sleep!

 

babyO - June 23

Tillie dont feel bad giving your baby a paci...it helps so much! And as far as the guilt I agree w/ Debi...we always carry around guiklt for one reason or another...me I feel bad that I am working while my husband gets to spend much more time with our 6 month baby boy...he even said papa yesterday :( well more like papappapapapapa but still made me feel like he doesnt know who I am!

 

austinsmom - June 23

oh girl I could'nt image the guilt and tears I have myself!!! I feel guilty when I drop ds off at family to go to work ( but hey I gotta work)....I just wanna spend all my time with him and arn't you just amazed at everything making you cry? I cannot watch anything sad or even read anything sad without crying my eyes out.....things people say on here sometimes even make me cry!!! I reckon it is the hormones so lets just chalk it up to that!!!!

 

babyO - June 23

I thought it was just me with the crying all the time! A couple nights ago I was watching the Angelina Jolie interview with Anderson Cooper and started crying when they talked about all the refugee kids...my husband had to turn the TV off cuz i was getting so upset

 

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