Can T Get Over C Section

20 Replies
Amanda584 - July 5

Hello fellow mommies. I had a beautiful and healthy baby boy 3 months ago. He is a really good baby and he has brought so much joy into our family. My one big problem is that I can't get over the fact that I had to have a c-secton. It was not a planned c-section. Everything was gong really well. I went into labour the day before my scheduled induction, got an epidural 10 minutes after being admitted to the hospital, eventually dilated to 10 cm and started pushing. Then the doctor determined that the baby was not going to fit out of my pelvis. Moments later, I was in the OR being prepped for a c-section. Now, 3 months later, I still feel "cheated" that I could not deliver va___ally. I spent 9 months preparing mentally to deliver normally. I really feel like the experience was somehow stolen from me. I wanted to have the feeling of accomplishement that comes after working hard to deliver a baby. I even find that I am jealous of other women I know that didn't have to have a c-section. I know I should probably just get over it. I don't know why I can't.

 

SonyaM - July 5

Oh I know how you feel. I felt the exact same way after the birth of my first son. I was not expecting to have a section and I was put under. I can say though, my son is now four years old and it doesn't bother me as much now. I had to have a repeat c-section for my second son and it was a much better experience. If you ever need to talk let me know. I have been there. Congratulations on your little boy!!!

 

Mary - July 5

I feel the same way. My baby is 3 months as well. I was planning on having a natural delivery. We went to lamaze cla__ses and everything. When they told me that her heartrate was dropping and I had to have a c-section, I was sooo mad. I felt like I didn't have my baby. They did. Hopefully next time I will be able to have a VBAC. Everyone was telling me "Hey you did a great job" or "I'm so proud of you". I just want to say be proud of the doctors they did it. I know how you feel.

 

ry - July 5

Hi girls, I had a c section 3 months ago as well and am still very disappointed I had to have a section. My girl was breech so I knew beforehand I had to have it and the worst part for me was having to pick her birth date (felt so unnatural). I fantasized about waking up in the middle of the night telling my husband "honey, its time" and breathing through the contractions even if they were painful. I just wanted the spontanaety of it all. It just felt so clinical and PAINFUL and unnatural. And I didnt get to see my dd for 51/2 hours afterwards. I feel like at least if I had naturally gone into labor and was able to expereince a bit of the labor process i would feel better. I just pray I can deliver naturally with my next one!

 

JAI - July 5

I had a c-section 8 months ago. I had 38 hours of labour to end in a c-section. I do not feel cheated because no matter what, my ds grew for 9 months inside of me, I felt him move and kick just as I should. He had to come out and to me personally it was just as special. I told myself no matter what happens and how he has to come out, it would be the most special day for my husband and I. I am not at all saying you should not feel the way you do, as you have every right to feel that way. I think for me I was also just so nervous and wanted him out the fastest way possible. My sister lost her son 6 years prior during her delivery and that stuck in my head the whole time.

 

Narcissus - July 5

Sorry but I cannot relate at all. I had a c-sec and cannot get over the fact that I was so lucky to not have to deliver the hard way. Don't get me wrong, a c-sec is harder to recover from but really, I don't think it ever sank in that I was going to give birth to my child. I think that subliminally, I thought I would stay pregnant forever. Anyhow, things don't always go as planned & you should give yourself a break and not think there is some badge of honor to wear just for pushing when someone says, "push". You created, carried and nurtured a human being for nine months and that is much bigger and wholly more significant than the small amount of time that it takes to deliver.

 

JAI - July 5

Narcissus seems like we are on the same page. Like I said everyone is ent_tled to feel the way they feel. I do have a friend who is currently pregnant and all she ever says to me and another friend of mine that had a c-section is I hope I can deliver v____ally the "special way" When she says that I think she is just being rude. My delivery was just as special.

 

Ang - July 5

I never had a csection but I do feel deeply dor you. Try to focis on your beautiful baby, I'm a new mom too (my ds is 6 months -- where dind I love him so much thinking about it makes me cry. I hope you feel better soon, I'm sure you're an awesom mom!

 

Nerdy Girl - July 5

I had 2 c's, the first one unplanned. I did not actually feel cheated at all until people started asking me "Oh, don't you feel bad that you missed out on the birth experience?" Then I started thinking about it, and I wanted to tell those people to screw off because my kids are healthy and gorgeous. In the big scheme of things, does it really matter exactly how your child came into this world? I had to ask myself, would it be any different if you had a v____al delivery and were in labor for 3 minutes or 40 hours? Are you any less of a woman either way? HELL NO! Just go love your babies, girls... I am sure they are all true blessings. :)

 

hrsmith - July 5

i ended up having to have a c-section as well. I don't know that i feel the same way you do, but a part of me wants to know what it would feel like to give birth v____ally. We'll see what my dr. says the next time around. The way I look at it is not that you were cheated, but that thankfully we have the technology these days to detect theses problems. Woman back in the day died all the time because of complications just like yours. I also am thankful that i didn't have to endure any painful recovery down there. I felt fine two weeks after my surgery. I don't know if that made you feel any better, but hang in there. who knows, maybe with your next (if you are having anymore) you'll will yourself to do it.

 

tlew - July 5

Amanda I can relate. I had a c-section 7 weeks ago. At 1st I did feel cheated, but now I look at my healthy son and I say that I wouldnt do it other way. and if I had to I would do it all over again.

 

sahmof3 - July 5

I've had three c-sections. First because of 24 hour labor that failed to progress beyond 1/2 cm. and #'s 2 & 3 because I found out I had scarring of the cervix that would not allow me to dilate. I never really had that feeling that many women have that you're not a real woman if you can't do it naturally, but maybe that's because my dad's a genealogist and I would read about so many women way back when or their babies dying in childbirth that I figured that ALL women are not made to have babies naturally!! Not to say that if I could have had them naturally I wouldn't have loved to. And also, I will remain very curious as to what it's like!?! and am just a little sad that I will never know. Anyway, my dh's family all had natural childbirths and just knowing that they look down on me makes me have to work extra hard to keep in mind that I really never had a choice from the get-go . My one SIL, however, had 4 naturals and the last cesarean due to a cancerous tumor in her uterus that was growing with the baby. She still always refers to it to me as a failure and that she didn't really give birth. She's a bit pa__sive aggressive and I think she's trying to get to me and maybe she's just feeling a little insecure about it, but the last time I just said, "If you didn't give birth, how's Heidi here?" Uh, oh yeah, my point... she has given me something to think about that may help change your perspective a bit. She said that her daughter cries sometimes, because she was never really born- how awful, and 9yo's don't have that perspective on their own! So, it made me realize that no matter the circ_mstances to find the unique and special about their births to tell them about later.

 

melissa g. - July 6

i had gestational diabetes and the docs were projecting my dd to be really large, and I had a planned c-section. The recovery SUCKED. woo-hoo, i am here to tell people that if some feel it is easier, its NOT. That said, does that diminish the magical fact that my baby was grown and born? No! The birth experience, whatever it is, is temporary, it is your child that is permanent. I dont think having a baby is a personal accomplishment really -- we are conduits that bring these wonderful kids into the world and however it gets done, it gets done. It might help you to focus less on what your experience was and just feel psyched that you have a healthy baby! I think people often forget how many women died during childbirth not too many years ago when they get amped on doing it "naturally". One out three women died. Child mortality rates were astronomical. We are so so lucky to live in the age that we do. Take my advice, I tend to sometimes focus on what might have happened or create problems to be upset about, when there are many good things to focus on instead. Your beautiful son is all that matters. Sorry to be so rambling but it makes me mad all the pressure society and other non-supportive women put on one another -- give birth naturally! without drugs! b___stfeed or else! It is so wonderful if it works out that way, but if it doesnt, we shouldnt beat up on ourselves. Trust me, raising a kind and productive member of society is a much bigger accomplishment than how you gave birth.

 

AprilMum - July 6

Surgery is seriously hard on the body, and recovery is certainly no walk in the park - so don't ever feel like you didn't do a great job, or work hard to bring your child into the world! (not only that, but anyone who can survive 9months pregnant, gets full credit!)

 

Narcissus - July 6

The one thing I can relate to is that when you are preparing to give birth naturally and all of a sudden you are told it's not going to happen and you are being rushed into surgery, it's very scary and very unexpected. When they told me my placenta had torn and I was going to have surgery "right now", I began to bawl like a baby. I was not prepared to see my child so soon bc I was expecting a long and painful labor. I was terrified to say the least. I will never forget that feeling when the doctors told me I needed a c-sec. Looking back, things started to get kind of weird in my labor room about an hour b4 I was having the surgery. It became very busy in my room and since I was told the labor process was going to be private with only a nurse or two plus my doc, I was rather annoyed by all the people fussing in my room. There were at least 10 nurses & 2 doctors in my labor room. I was really p__sed, too. I remember thinking how invasive it felt to have so many people around me. Now I realize that they knew long before I did that I was going to have a c-section and they were getting ready for it.

 

HannahBaby - July 6

I never had a csection so im not going to try to compare myself to that because im sure id get my head ripped off and handed to me. But my labor didnt go as I had planned either. 3 weeks early i started showing signs of preeclampsia and was induced (never thought that would happen to me) I went in on a saturday, had a cervadil on Sunday and Monday and then started pitocin on tuesday. I had a rough labor and my baby didnt react well to the pit. So it was turned off and luckly my daughter heart rate came back up and i avoided a c section. Eventually i got to 9 cms (where i stayed for 2 hours) then they decided that the baby needed to come out and i pushed through a centimeter. My labor and birth was totally different that i envisioned. I saw my water breaking at home, having light contractions, and then going to the hosptial when i could no longer talk through them....That never happened. But no matter what, the outcome was the same, I had a beautiful healthy baby in my arms and the moment that they handed her to me it didnt matter how she got here. They could have pulled her out of my armpit for all i care. You worked HARDER than people that have a v____al birth. You went through hours and hours of labor and then went through major surgery. I know that you feel cheated but you should be proud of yourself. Good luck and i hope that you can have a VBAC someday in the future :O)

 

Camilla - July 6

Giving birth just happens so many different ways. Sometimes it's v____al, sometimes its section but hey, all are valid ways of delivering a baby! You mentioned you feel cheated cuz you didn't deliver normally. But what is normal nowadays? In that light you could argue that most v____al births aren't normal or natural cuz they happen with the help of meds, epis, pitocin, with or without tools, foreceps etc. Where does normal start and end? I think that everyone who gives birth is accomplishing something major and miraculous. Your body has grown this baby and it's delivered from your body - that's amazing no matter how much or how little intervention it takes. Sometimes I get the feeling there's some sort of sliding scale of accomplishment out there, the less help we've had, the more stars we get. That's just trash. That's so not what giving birth is about. And it doesn't make anyone a better mom. But yea, it is disappointing you didn't get the birth you wished for. And I can see how you feel you missed out. I actually found myself wondering what it's like to give birth by section. My babies were v____al, I've had lots of different experiences but I have no idea what it's like to have a section. It's not that I was hoping for one, but I kinda feel, even though I have lots of experience - there's a way of giving birth I know nothing about. So, you have one up over me ;-) But like I said, it's not one up or down or anything is it?!

 

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