Daycare Nightmares

10 Replies
Erin1979 - March 11

Ok, so partially a vent, partially a question. My dd is 18 months old. I went back to work when she was 8 months. I found a provider who I was happy with, and away I went. When she was about 12 months, dd started biting the providers son. Now, upon a little investigation, he was provoking her, and once he stopped, she stopped biting. So, everything was fine....until about a month ago. She bit another child at daycare. His parents LOST it, started threatening, and being very accusatory(like I was coaching her to bite their WTF?)anyways, so the provider started in on me, and I said to her "What do you want me to do? She doesn't bite at home, when it's not infront of me, there is not a lot I can do". She said she knew, but that there was nothing she could do either. now, a big red light should have gone off in my head. This is someone who told me that she had ECE training, worked in a large daycare facility, and had been doing daycare for 8 years. In my opinion, she should have had a few ideas of how to stop the situation, diffuse it before it escalated to biting. So a few weeks goes by, and dd bites the boy again. Not too bad, but she said to me, it was very minor. The NEXT day, i come to pick up dd, and she has her hubby standing there at the door with a letter saying that she can no longer care for my daughter. Apparently, she bit the boy again (this time really hard, leaving a mark...I didn't get to see it, so I don't know how exaggerated it was). She was giving me 2 weeks to find a new provider. Now it is probably a blessing in disguise, but am I nuts? Shouldn't she have been more proactive and tried to help me? how do I stop a behaviour that is not happening in my presence?? Anyone have any advice? DD is not even going back for the 2 weeks, but I need to be prepared if this happens again. Thanks ladies...sorry so long!


Erin1979 - March 11

No one has any advice for me on how to get my daughter to stop biting?? I am despearte ladies....please help me!!


kristie h - March 11

hmmmm, its hard when you are not there. My son is in day care and they dicapline him the same way we do at home. Eg: if he bit DH or i, we would put him in the naughty corner for a few minutes then get him to say sorry and explaine to him why he went to the naughty corner and that biting hurts, so this is the approach they use at his day care since thats what we want to happen when he does this sort of thing. I take it this is a in home daycare? Maybe next time when you put her in another daycare explain to the provider what your DD bad ahbbits are and tell her how YOU want her to deal with your DD, but try to keep the same disapline as you would if she did it while she was home. Hope i helped.


Lisastar9 - March 11

I agree with Kristie b . Kids tend to bite cause they lacj verbal skills to talk,I think your old provider did not do her job,I believe biting is a learned art sometimes,maybe she learned to bite from another child.


Kara H. - March 11

Wow, that is hard. Can't say I blame the other kid's parents for being upset - they too are probably wondering what's going on there during the day in thr providers care. Its really hard when toddlers don't have the ability to express themselves verbally and they start to act out their emotions physically. I don't know how you could stop it when you aren't there when it happens. It is sort of like a puppy - the dicipline must happen the moment she does it. I would look for a daycare provider that doesn't have any other kids in her care that are close to your DD age - that way there may be less things for her to get so frustrated over. I would definitely disclose your DD past actions and give the provider permission to deal with it swiftly and firmly on the first offense (a firm, strong verbal correction and a time out from playing with the group). Maybe a fresh start with a fresh face setting boundries from day 1 will fix the behavior. Good luck!


luviduvi - March 11

I would explain to your new provider how exactly you would like dd to be taught how NOT to bite. Explain to them what you would do at home if she was biting at home. At my dd's daycare there is a biter and the parents were in the same boat b/c the son didn't do it at home. However, other kids at the daycare were scared to return in the fear of getting bit and the parents were getting angry and upset in the fear that their child would be or had been bit. He was breaking skin. You will find that most daycare won't let biters come to daycare if the problem isn't resolved in some time and that they are losing customers b/c fear of it. My dd went through a scratching phase after ds was born. It was horrible. She got one little girl on the face and drew blood. Thankfully, the parents were understanding as their dd had gone through the same thing. My dd scratched at home too so it was easier for us to be involved in the correcting department but I also told daycare how I handled it at home. I was very specific and told them to place her in time-out, (which is more effective at daycare than at home) every time she did it. I also told them to use a firm strong voice with her. It pa__sed within a month. Luckly for me, it was a way of her letting her fustration out b/c of the new baby and not b/c she was doing it just to there any new changes in your home that could be the reason she is biting?


Erin1979 - March 12

Thanks for the thoughts ladies. I never had any intentions of hiding the fact that she has bitten. I want help, and the only way I can get it, is if the provider is helping me!! Everyone that I have interviewed, I explain the situation, and most say "oh we had a biter here, only a phase which will be gone in a bit"....too bad I don't know WHEN!! There have been no changes at home. I find that certain things escalate when she is teething, and for the past 2 months she has been getting her 4 eye teeth....maybe that has a little to do with it. I hope that a change of scenery will get her to stop....maybe it is a boy thing? She doesn't bite the girls.....


BaileysMummy - March 12

I agree with the other women that I'd make it clear to the new daycare and let them know how you want the situation handled if it occured again. I totally agree with you that she should have had some suggestions for you and should have helped overcome the problem. My ds is 15 months old and around a month ago was pulling the other kids down (who were walking) and upsetting them. Our daycare leader is very lovely and I appreciated that she let me know and we discussed how to let him know it is wrong. In the beginning we a__sumed he was only trying to pull himself up using them as props, but then realised he was doing it on purpose. He even started chasing the girls, pulling them down and hitting them. Luckily, after we came up with some suitable disciplines (time out in cot), he stopped. I hope you find a good daycare, good luck.


alkaren - March 13

Well I can understand where your coming from. My ds likes to hit ,push and pull hair at daycare. However his providers are very understanding and I will apologize to the parents who are quite understanding. He also gets time out for those behaviors. The other day a little girl bite him on his back and as upset I was I did not make a big deal out of it cause I know it is a give and take. If your dd is being provoked she was only defending herself the way she knows right now. I usually will tel his providers any new habits he has picked up so that they can be prepared to handle it if it arises. I would just tell the new careprovider to be aware she has the tendancy to bite. Allso what ever form of punishment for the behavoir should be consistant.


Kristin11 - March 13

Wow i cant believe they are kicking out a one year old for biting. I worked in daycare and had a cla__s of one year old, it is very common for biting to happen, they do it when they are frustrated and unable to vocalize. The teacher should only by law have 6 kids in cla__s and if she is watching properly she should see the bit about to happen and be able to stop the child and give time out ect. Also at no point should the daycare teacher have told the other parents who bit thier child, That is generally against the rules also. I say it is for the best that you are getting another daycare.


luviduvi - March 13

Erin, one thing I forgot to mention is to NOT try and dicapline (ms?) your dd AFTER the fact. Meaning, if you are told at daycare that she is biting, don't pick her up and yell at her in the car b/c of it. I am sure you are not doing this but I was going over this thread again to make sure all points were made b/c I can see how this puts everyone in a bind :-). She won't understand what she is getting in trouble for if she is repremanded for it too late.



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