Ergh Vent Ot

16 Replies
pinkbo0tlace - March 12

Anyone ever have just one of those days where they are so crabby and fusterated that they can't seem to relax, or even do anything? I am having one of those days and I hate it. If I could scream and hit a wall I could. Like, Alan has to pay 236.00 a month when it comes to child support. He works retail so he doesn't get that much money but the state of minnesota said they automatically put that money of 40 hrs a week...because he is ABLE to do that. He said it is unfair because he doe not work 40 hrs a week...So, I told him that I agree it's unfair but thats just life. Well, now...he is taking me to court to get it reduced (although he says its nothing personal against me, he thinks the state is unfair) I told him by reducing it, thats giving Carter less money for things. I'm at a stand still and I don't know where to turn too. I agree that it is unfair to do it THAT way...BUT, I also want to protect Carter and say that I don't what him having less money for things.....i'm thinking about when he gets older. Sports, toys, clothing, etc.. I'm emotionally confused right now and I'm soooo stressed out! AHHH. Is there anyone out there that agree with me? (its unfair but also wouldn't want their child recieving less $$)...and if so, what would you do? I really need some guidence right now!!!

 

pinkbo0tlace - March 12

sorry for type-o's....too stressed to even talk.

 

Ciarasmom - March 12

Think how much u are putting into carter right now. Is it 236 a month. No it is probably more as babies are costly. So why should he be paying less then you. My mom and aunt felt bad for the father and agreed to lower payments due to the father saying they could not afford it. Well they both told me that they regret it big time because even though it was fine will the kids were infants when they got older and wanted to do activites the money would pay for a pair of basketball shoes and there was no more money for the rest of the month to help out. So IMO don't give in and stand by ur guns. Babies are very expensive and it took two to make him so it has to take two to raise him.

 

LisaB - March 12

Gosh I just dont feel bad for the guy- suck it up and pay out the 236 a month for your child. That 236 should help cover shelter, food, diapers, clothing medication, doctors appointments, child care, formula if needed, a savings account and college savings. Are you sure 236 a month is enough???

 

pinkbo0tlace - March 12

wow, wow..wow!! You two opened my eyes. LisaB - I JUST opened a college savings for both of my children and just thought about it and you two are right...

 

SonyaM - March 12

I don't think that's too much money and why is he working less than 40 hours a week. Is he in school or what? He could get training to do a job that earns more money.

 

BriannasMummy - March 12

236 dollars is NOTHING compared to what you have to pay! Im pretty sure the state is being ABSOLUTELY fair! Instead of him getting off scott free, taking that money to b__w on whatever for himself he HAS to spend it on his child.. seems pretty fair to me! I really dont think you should let him off.. I know you feel bad now, but just wait until that money means he can go on a cla__s trip with the rest of his little friends or he cant. As he gets older hes going to need lots of $$ for all of the extra things hell want to do, and as he gets older his clothes get more expensive. I know you feel bad.. but you really shouldnt. Youre not the ONLY person that made a baby.. hes in on it too.. your son definatly deserves that 236 $ a month. Good Luck with everything! ~Kristin~

 

mcatherine - March 12

I'm just waiting to see you follow up on this post to let us know the judge laughed his a__s off - right after he tells Alan to grow up and get a decent job to support his kid. I wouldn't worry - his support isn't going to be reduced because someone thinks it's unfair!

 

pinkbo0tlace - March 12

hehehe...i love you ladies. Thank you sooooooo much! I remember a line somebody told me when I pregnant, when he didn't want to be a dad because he had to pay "child support", somebody said "hit him where it hurts the most - his wallet!"

 

Shea - March 12

Well I get really p__sed about child support issues, because my dh has 2 boys that he has paid child support for the last 14yrs and he has 1)never missed a pmt, 2) never asked for a reduction even when he made less $ 3)we paid it even when he was unemployed 4) we paid his ex for his older son (in cash) even when we had custody of him because she was worse off than us and the younger boy would have done w/o 5) on top of child support we buy school clothes, pay for pictures and sports etc. why???? BECAUSE ITS THE RIGHT THING TO DO THEY ARE HIS CHILDREN. This guy needs to grow a set and take care of his child. Why is he working less than 40 hrs? He has obligations and should be working at least that. This drives me crazy.

 

pinkbo0tlace - March 12

Alan is a 21 year old man, who has been going to a community college for about.. 3 or four years now...for a simple two year AA...works at k-mart. lol. Shea - I think its SOOO wonderful that your husbend has always been a man and done his duties! yay for that!

 

KLT - March 15

If he thinks its so unfair...why doesn't he get another job so he can afford to support his child? He's motivated enough to get worked up about $236 and to take you to court but he doesn't seem motivated to be a real man. I don't mean to be rude but Carter is getting the shaft. Reminds me of my dad. He only gave $150 to my mom for child support. Told the judge that my mom made our clothes and that we didn't eat much and didn't need alot of money. At the time my mom didn't know how to respond and fight it, and her lawyer turned out to be buddies with his lawyer. She got screwed. He had also told her to get an abortion when she was pregnant and tried to get full custody of me just out of spite. He dad continued to give the money after I turned 18...said as long as I was in school he would...which is fine..but what the hell is $150? Then later he emailed me and told me he wanted to stop the payments now that he's retired. I never asked him for a single thing in my life..not even the $150/mo. and never touched it. Its been sitting in an account. I told my mom to use it to pay a utility bill or something but she refused to touch it. I told him that was fine..he could do whatever he wanted. But for whatever reason, he never stopped the payments. I don't know why. Maybe guilt?? I don't know. Then when I told him I was pregnant, he emailed a family friend (who forwarded the email to me on the side) and basically was cussing up a storm, saying he just screwed himself yet again..that he knew he should have stopped the payments years ago and now I'm telling him i'm pregnant and will most likely need the money and that while he knows $150 is nothing, it would easily pay his power bill and buy him a bottle of scotch. Nice. Thats my daddy. Jacka__s. I started to write him something but then figured, you know what? Screw him...i'll take his $150 until he drops dead for all I care. Now I pay some of my car payment with it. He hasn't once asked me about my son. I"ve sent him pictures and emails but all I get from him are forwarded jokes. His loss.

 

kellens mom - March 15

When my mom divorced my dad 30 years ago, he was only obligated to pay $100/month total. That was for THREE children. My poor mom had to skimp and save every penny. I still have the recipe books that itemized out how much each ingredient would cost her so she could see how far she could make her money go. (2 cups of flour 10 cents, 1/4 cup margrine 15 cents...etc). All of this while my dad was busy hanging out with his friends, drinking beer, taking women on dates, etc. I was very resentful towards my father because he never offered to help pay for anything extra in my life...summer camp I had to work odd jobs to get tuituion, college, school clothes (remember, all mom got was $100/month for three kids until we were 18 yrs old!). Don't feel badly for your ex. If you don't use that money for something wise...your child, then your ex will use it for something stupid. I do need to say that I love my dad and have made ammends with our past. In fact, my struggles to get the things I wanted in my youth (summer camp, a beat up car, etc) helped me to become the person that I am today. I think I am pretty "successful." (I love life, I am happy, I feel like I contribute to the world).

 

rl- - March 15

well just to let you know the courts most likely won't reduce what he has to pay they are gonna tell him to get another job...but then if he stops paying your in for it cause even when you turn them in the state really won't do alot i know this cause my ex husband is around 8 grand behind and all they have done is suspend his drivers license and they will take his imcome tax return if he even files so really when you have a kid you have to just realize your gonna shoulder the load if you are not with the guy bottom line. but good luck!!

 

Mellissa - March 15

yeah.. my dad only has to pay $62 a month for my brother. you'd think with him and his new wife making $5000+ a month, he'd send a little something extra... but TJ is lucky if he gets a new pair of shoes for his birthday. I say don't feel bad for the ex at all. He fathered your child, and he has to pay for it. You are paying a lot more than he has to, so he should suck it up and get a better job.

 

Mellissa - March 15

p.s. $236 is not a lot of money anyway...he's lucky he doesn't have to pay $800 like some people I know!

 

soon2bemomof3 - March 15

my ex is paying $518 a month for my dd who is 9 years old, I think he got a little p__sed when he was paying $347 then I got it increased to $518, he asked me if I lost my job or was just being a b___h and I said "just being a b___h" BUT in all truthfullness what i get isn't HALF of what I pay to take care of her. I can't stand MEN who think of the money and not what it is used for. my dad only had to pay my mom $100 a month for 4 kids and man I don't know how that helps, luckily things have changed but $236 is still not alot. I think they are going to tell him to GROW UP and get another job.

 

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