EXTREAME Problems With Inlaws Plz Share

9 Replies
kristie h - June 7

Hi Girls, Well i know this is going off topic but i have a question about inlaws. My MIL and i have never seen eye to eye and the day me and DH got married it made everything worse to the point that they put a restraining on him. I hear of other females and there inlaws and i feel that i am the only one that is in the situation thats to the extreame. since they put the order out, me and dh have been getting on so good but on the 19th april 2007 the reastraining order will come off. She has not seen my son since he was 5 weeks old and i am scared that when its off she will want to come back in our lives and flair everything up again. Dh and i are ttc and and i have 1 son already. Will she want to favoure the 2nd child as she does not know my 1st son? Will she try to turn the kids against me? Is there anyone else that has inlaw problems to these extreams plz share i would love to feel not alone

 

Rabbits07 - June 7

Why exactly did they have a restraining order against your husband? If it is your husband's wish, I would try to make amends with mil. If it comes down to favortism and it seems to be going on, I would make it clear that it would not be tolerated.

 

Annette - June 7

kristie, although I understand your concerns i can tell you you are worrying too early and too much, and that is NOT good if you are ttc. i know too few details to know why the relationship is so bad but, relax, it´s a looong time before 04/19/2007 ; the chances are that, being her grandson and if she is going to love him, it will happen even if she has not seen him in a long time. AND even if she wants to favour the second one, how will that change your love to your kids? Don´t worry about what´s going to happen with a baby that you still don´t have. Life changes so much that you don´t even know if by when that happens you will be living in other city or what not. My MIL is an angel and sometimes I still feel like strangling her, Mother/daughter in law will always be a difficult relationship but I am sure that you and dh have a good marriage and when the moment comes, you will work out together how to deal with MIL. Good luck, and don´t worry, Sweetie. In the end everything is good, and if is not, it is not the end yet!

 

kristie h - June 7

Hi Girls thanks for replying. Well to let you know alittle more the problem was there b4 i even came on the sceine. They drink every night the mother never appoved of anyone my husband went out with, she would hok his things in and she blamed me for taking her son away. When my husband moved in with me to make her feel better about the situation we said we will go over there for a family diiner every sunday and she said "ohh so your going to come around and scab". She manipulates everyone towards and when my son was born that was it. My son was 5 days old and she wanted him for the weekend, one night hubby and i were there for dinner and my ds was getting grizzly but still asleep so i thought i would hurry up and eat b4 he wakes up. She sid let me hold him and ioll feed him i said no its ok ill lay him on the floor in front of me then ill feed him. I put him on the floor and she picked him up and put the jug on to warm the bottle up came in sat down and started to feed him. I said to her ill do it she said no this is whats nanas a for i said NO thats what im here for. She wouldnt give me the space nor the time to bond with him . So my husband said look if you dont back off your going to push me away and she said fine i want nothing to do with my ds. The reason she got the restraining order out is on the day i got married my friend was with her and told her that we had gottin married as they never came to our wedding. The FIL said ohh so that s l u t married my son after all". We got a wif of what they said and my husband rang them up and she said i was nothing but a skanky little hore anyway. So my husband went around there and they told him to get a DNA test on my son and him and i have never seen them since. The reason im worried about favourtisim is that she knows it will p__s me off and i want to kids to be equal. Well heres my story.

 

Annette - June 7

Oh, sweetie, sounds like you have a difficult inlaw-relationship there.... quite honestly, if you have been called whore, scab and what not, and she is not going to respect you as a mother, even if that is what nanas are for, I don´t see why even bother about her. Although I DO think she might eventually want to turn the kid against you, she was the one saying she wanted nothing to do with her grandson, so she got it. Seems to be that your husband is on your side, and that is good; Enjoy your family and don´t even waste your time worrying about them.

 

HannahBaby - June 8

If i were you i would let them see your son (under supervision of course!!) If you keep them away from your son they could file for visitation (there are grandparent laws) and then they could be able to pick him up and take him for the day. When the restraining order is over try to do family activities (parks, zoo, mesuems etc) If they feel like you are including them they will most likely not want to file for custody

 

kristie h - June 9

Hi Hannababy, My MIL is a alcholic so if she was to go for visitation rights i dont think she will get it and from the way i see her treat her 5 year old daughter like looking her in he bedroom and taking the door handle off so she cant get out is not a fit grandmother in my eyes. It's not me that keeps her from seeing her grandson she said she wanted nothing to do with him and at the end off the day its up to my husband how he deals with it as he could not care if he never seen them again. I want nothing more then to be a goo daughter inlaw but she judged and me b4 i could even say hi for the first time its her lose not mine she made her bed she can lay in it. Where you from? i am in australia i dont know if grandparents can do that here, if they can your the 1st i herd it from. Thanks for warning me though

 

YC - June 9

kristie h I am sorry to hear what you are going through. My MIL is a nightmare!!! She is also an alcoholic. She did not like me from the start as well and made it known by calling me and threatening me for no reason, etc. etc. When I was about 8 months pregnant she had a fit when she asked if she could be in the delivery room and I said no. She was drunk (which she is 90% of the time) and she cussed me out. It was an awful scene. I decided then that there would be no contact. I even had to go as far as alerting security at the hospital that if she showed up she was to be removed from the property. After I had the baby she was allowed to come over and see her. I stayed in the bedroom while she visited. Since then she has apologized and claims that she wants to be this great grandma however she is still drinking daily and has had 2 DUI's since my dd was born last December. This did cause some tention between ny boyfriend and I because he wants his mother to be a part of our daughter's life. After several long talks we came to a compromise and set some ground rules. She is allowed to see our daughter 1-2 times per month supervised at our home. She must call in advance and she MUST be completely sober. This is ALL I am willing to give her. I feel that as parents it is our RESPONSIBILITY to ensure that our kids are safe. This means they must be protected from toxic people. In the future my MIL may get more visitation but she needs to get herself together first. Right now she does not recognize she has a problem with alcohol though she admits that she needs to get deunk everyday. As far as grandparent rights go...I wouldnt worry about that. It sounds like you have a strong enough case to win a battle like that. And about the favortism...I am not sure how that would play out but it sounds like she does not have issues with the babies. I guess my point is do what you feel is best for the babies. If you dont feel comfortable having them around her then dont. Best of luck!

 

kristie h - June 9

Hi YC, Thanks for letting me know that im not the only that is in this situation. Like you when the restraining comes off we will be limiting the times she will see my son and yes if she wants to see my kids she can come to them. Its so awfull when out of all people our mother inlaw will not give you a slight chance to get to know us before she judged us. The thing thats gets me is that everone that knew my husband has said he is a much better person since he has been with me and this also came from his sister and his dads mouth so maybe that could also be my mother inlaws problem. I dont know about you but when you seen you MIL often did it turn you guts evertime time sumone said her name ect? Cause it does for me. I like everyone i will get along with anyone but ill never forgive what she has said and this time i will not be playing happy family when and if she does return.

 

YC - June 9

Yes kristie h, when she comes over I cringe. Not visibally where she can see but inside I am so irritated. She is loud and obnoxious, rude and inappropriate. If she had it her way she would drink, cuss and smoke around our daughter. I have a strong faith so I have been praying about changing my att_tude towards her. I have forgiven the things she has done but I have not forgotten them. In the end I really hope she can get herself together before she hurt herself or someone else. It is amazing that she hasn't already given the fact that she drives drunk. Like I said she has been in two drunk driving accidents in the last 6 months. I dont see how she is not in jail for this. My boyfriend and I are getting married in May so I will have the rest of my life to deal with her. Sometimes I dont know how I will deal with her but I will manage. I am glad my post helped you a little. It is nice to have someone who relates. On a more positive note, my boyfriends dad is remarried to a wonderful woman whom I absolutely adore. She is a wonderful friend to me and a fantastic grandma to our daughter, In fact she was even in the delivery room when our dd ws born. She is the person that I consider my MIL.

 

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