Fear Of Something Terrible Happening

24 Replies
Mellissa - March 1

Ok... I know as mothers we'd all be devastated if something were to happen to one of our children, right? Well, I think my fear goes one step further and I'm actually terrified that something IS going to happen to them. I have them sharing a room right now because the I can see into their room when I lay in my bed at night. The other room in the house, i want to give to Rylee, my 3 1/2 yr old dd... but I can't see into it...it's not even three feet from my bedroom, but the fact that I can't see her scares the c__p out of me!! I am so afraid somebody is going to come into our house and take her in the middle of the night. We have a two story house with an alarm system, but that still doesn't ease my fears. And some nights, like tonight, she stays at my mom's house because she loves being over there. But then all night i sit here paranoid that somene is going to get into my mom's apartment and kidnap rylee. I think it's from all these child abduction stories I hear about on tv... but I can't help it. My husband thinks I'm absolutely nuts, and need to get over it.. but how do i? She's a 3 1/2 year old little girl who wouldn't be able to defend herself if someone tried to take her. I'm worrying myself sick over this and am seriously thinking about going to see a therapist. Anyone have any suggestions on how to calm my overactive mind down?

 

mandyrenfro - March 1

i'm always terrified that someone's going to break into our house and get our little one. we live in a mobile home, and he's literally across the house. it was so traumatic to me when we moved him out of our room. some nights i still go scoop him up and put him in the playpen to sleep, just so i can get some shut eye

 

LollyM - March 2

Seeing a therapist actually might help, I think everyone can benefit from therapy. However, If you really don't want to do that, you can try what I do at night when I am paranoid about sids. I lay in bed and try to relax, and take a few deep breaths. Then, I "feel my soul" and emanate it outward. It's easier than it sounds =) and it really works! All you really have to do is close your eyes and imagine the purest white light you have ever seen and imagine it coming from deep inside you and it surrounds you and makes you warm and protects you, and you can literally feel it as a part of you, and spreading outward until the whole room is saturated in this bright beautiful white light that cleanses and protects and purifies everything it touches. You can then spread the light to anywhere in your home you like, or anywhere else you like as well. You can put it around people to protect them. It sounds a little strange, but as long as you really feel it, this really works. I have a problem with anxiety and whenever I feel like I am going to have an anxiety attack I do this and it works. I hope this helps! And please tell me if it works for you =) I would love to know if I was able to help someone with this method =)

 

Sophia - March 2

If you're very scared, keep your little ones close. Sleep with them. Studies show that the more the litte ones feel your closeness and warmth (in the day and at night), the more CONFIDENT and independent they'll become. Not to mention, you'll feel better and more protecting.

 

Mellissa - March 2

lollym, I will try your method tonight and see how it works for me. I have some friends who are into meditaiton and they would probably agree with you. Sophia... i bring the baby to bed with me around 2 or 3 am most nights when he wakes to eat.. and my 3 1/2 year old finds her way into my bedroom a little after that. Ever since I've been hearing all these stories about kids getting kidnapped, being molested, murdered, etc.. I just feel like I can't protect my children enough from the evils of this world. I know that as parents we can only do so much, but if something were to happen I would feel incompetent as a parent...like i should have done more, you know? I've been wanting to talk to a therapist for a while now, since dh's aunt ran off the road into a river, killing her 5 year old daughter. Ever since then, when i try to sleep or if certain songs come on, I start thinking about Destiny, and worrying that Rylee or Diesel are going to be taken from me. Sorry.. I know this is a depressing thread..I just worry so much about my kids!

 

Danielle19 - March 2

Im always worried someone is going to break in or since we live behind a hwy, im always afraid of of the cars is going to crash into our house, but could you try getting one of those camera baby moniters, that way you can hear whats going on and see

 

Sophia - March 2

Yes, as parents we are responsible for what happens to our kids, but after a certain point we have to get them out into the world. Just giving birth is a chance you're taking. Then when they grow up a little, you'll have to send them to school! LollyM gave a good suggestion. I would suggest also that at the end of every day, instead of thinking "what will happen tomorrow?" tell yourself, "Wow, what a lovely day my kids and I had together! All the cute things they did." If a song pleases you, listen to it over and over again, at bedtime or whenever you want to relax. Just don't think of the coming tomorrow, focus on what went right TODAY, and all the things you did that were good for your kids. And think, it's more likely that we adults will experience something bad (financially, job-wise, health-wise) than our kids will. And even if we pa__s through these things, our kids will for the most part be unaware, and always joyful.

 

Mellissa - March 2

Danielle, I was actually just thinking about getting one of those. I would probably have to get two though... because I really want to put rylee in her own room. Thy're like $100, right? I'll probably go to the store and check them out this weekend.

 

AnytimeLittleone - March 2

This is going to sound crazy... but I sleep with a baseball bat beside my bed. DD's room is beside me.. and the only way I can sleep at night, is if I know I have a bat... to beat the S^%$ out of anyone that dare come into my house. I hear everything when I sleep... so honestly, im not worried that I'll miss anything. Maybe get a baby monitor and crank it, so you can hear everything in that room?

 

kris313 - March 2

Like Lolly said, talking to a therapist is always helpful. If your fears are taking up more than 2 hours a day or prevent you from performing daily tasks, there is most likely something else going on. A therapist will be able to help you distinguish between "normal" fears and thoughts that occur as a result of an anxiety disorder.

 

Mellissa - March 2

sophia, i completely see your point, and that's where i want to be!! the problem for me is getting to that stage in my mind where i can ease my fears, you know? anytimelittleone, lol..maybe i should get a baseball bat, or something like that. I'm a really light sleeper and wake up when the kids cough or something. kris313, i really do think this is border-line anxiety disorder. Ever since the first time my husband went to Iraq, when I'm alone at night I stay up with thoughts of death, and worrying that I will miss seeing my kids grow up, or that Chad will die and i will have to raise the kids alone. Then I'll start thinking about Destiny, and worrying that I will lose my kids. It just seems since this whole Iraq thing started, then when Destiny died, I've been afraid of death.. I won't even joke about it. Like when people say, "I'll kill him if he does this," or something.. it seriously freaks me out because I'm afraid of jinxing myself! I sound completely insane, right? chad doesn't think I need a therapist, but I do think I'd benefit from it.

 

sahmof3 - March 2

Sounds like maybe you should get therapy so that your fears and anxieties won't rub off onto your dd. You had to deal with a lot and it seems like it pushed a normal "mom fear" beyond what most moms experience. gl

 

Lchan - March 2

It sounds like you might have anxiety and a therapist can help you deal with this. This doesn't mean you are nuts, this is all normal. Anxiety can be caused by stress or tiredness and it exhibits itself in odd ways. Several years ago I was working on a HUGE project at work (my small startup was being acquired by Microsoft) and the stress from it all gave me anxiety. I was positive someone was going to break into our house while I slept and I'd get out of bed all night long to check the doors and window. The therapist put me on Paxil. I took it for 2 months and have been fine ever since.

 

Cabbie - March 2

Hey, Mellissa, just thought I would chime in from experience. I had a lot of your same thoughts after my third miscarriage. I had lost so much. I was afraid of losing more. I was just convinced something bad was going to happen to the kids I had. I went and spoke to a therapist. It helped a lot. This might be something do due with PPD since you had Diesel. My dr told me that it can be up to a year from delivery before they rule out PPD since it often takes that long before your horomones are back to normal. I know its been since July but this thing can hang on for a while and really affect our nerves. I would encourage you to sit down with Chad and talk it over completely with him and see what the two of you think is the best solution to help you overcome this. The last thing you want to do is for Rylee to pick up on your fear and have it too. Let me know if I can help. And by the way, some of this is just normal "mommy" stuff too!

 

Mellissa - March 2

Thank you all so much!! I'm looking into therapists right now.. unfortunately the soonest i can get an appointment so far is July!! I may have to drive to denver to get in sooner, and that's an hour and a half away! yikes!! Maybe I will talk to my family Dr. and see what she recommends in the mean time. It's only a night time fear, and I seem to be ok during the day. Chad has some sleeping pills they gave him when he came home, Ambien, i think. He thinks I may need something like that. But thank you all again! It's nice to be able to come on here and talk to ya'll. It really does help me a lot!

 

Kara H. - March 2

I was an extremely anxious child. I was scared of everything and thought of all sorts of bad things that could happen if I did this or that... It wasn't until after I had Max that I realized that my Mom's feelings had actually caused me to be that way. She would tell her what our plans were for the day and she would say that she had better keep Max because what if somebody kidnapped him, or we had a car accident or whatever. I was really sort of an apiphany moment for me. I can't tell you how many field trips, sleepovers, rollercosters I missed out on as a child because of my anxiety. I still have those thoughts sometimes, but I don't act on them. I sometimes even call my husband or my best friend and ask if a reasonable person would be worried about whatever it is at the time. Most of the time, my fears are reasonable and the average person would have them, but I still like to check, just to make sure. I don't want to create a fearful child like my mom did with me. So I really think you should try to losen your grasp a bit and be confident in the presence of your children. If you are able to get in in check, I would talk to your doctor about it.

 

Mellissa - March 2

Thanks kara H... actually, i feel fine during the day when I'm around the kids, or we're out in public or anything. It seems to bother me most when I'm laying in bed (mostly when dh is gone, and I'm by myself) and i can't sleep.. I'll start thinking of all this stuff and getting paranoid. I don't ever let Rylee see that I'm nervous, other than holding her hand in public and telling her not to run into the road, and the normal stuff. I was actually stunned one day when we were at her dance cla__s and she was afraid to go onto the dance floor and i asked her why and she said, "the people might take me away" i couldn't for the life of me figure out where she heard that until I heard my mom telling her to stay by me so nobody gets her!! I asked my mom to please not ever talk like that around her, because I don't want her to be afraid of being in public with people she doesn't know, you know? When she was going to preschool she took field trips to the library, fire station, etc and that didn't seem to bother me. Luckily the kids are in bed when my mind starts going wild, and i don't ever talk about it with Chad when the kids are around. I totally agree with everyone about pa__sing fears onto our children. I definitely don't want that to happen.

 

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