Feeling So Alone

6 Replies
tritty - February 17

hey ladies. i've graduated to the infant care forum. i have a little girl, katelin nicole, who is 17 days old and i am really struggling with feeling like i'm in this alone. my husband is around but he's so caught up in his work that it seems that he doesn't even have time for us. he owns his own company (shares it with his father) and we've been around his family soooo much and they all drive me crazy. it's to the point now where i don't even want to be around them and he keeps inviting them over or planning dinners with them etc. what ever happened to just having family time? i'm frustrated because he's gone all day or if he is at home he's working and then i'm with the baby feeding, changing and doing everything else around the house that needs to be done. i thought that when we had the baby he'd be a great help and be present for a lot of stuff so i'm really surprised that he's been so absent. i'm sorry to ramble on and on but i'm at my wits end. i really feel like i'm about to lose it .... i just feel all alone and IT SUCKS! i tried talking to him about it at dinner tonight (that i wanted him around more) and so tonight he asked me if he could go on a ski trip in about 2 weeks and then invited his whole family over to our house for lunch tomorrow.... AHHH!!! what should i do? anyone else dealing with anything like this?

 

ssmith - February 17

Aw sweetie....congrats first of all! I feel like I could have written this post myself...9.5 months ago! My hubby worked shifts (as a temp), and was never really around, and when he was around....he was NO help with our daughter. He has been struggling to find a job for what feels like forever....so sadly...his mind was (and still is) on work and money issues and NOT on his family or his daughter. I felt like a married, single Mom. I felt so lonely. I think I cried for about a month. It should have been such a joyous time, but it wasn't really because my husband & I were so distant. I'm not sure what advice I can offer you, other than to sit your hubby down, with no distractions and tell him exactly what you want and need. I kinda think a lot of men just don't get it....they have NO clue. Their lives tend to stay very much the same after a baby, whereas ours are turned upside down and backwards. They don't get it. You have EVERY right to put your foot down and say NO.....please don't feel that you have to please everybody else at your own expense!! You need to put your own needs and wants at the top of the list for a while! And, if the family is upset~~ TOUGH! You do not need this right now. I hope that you are able to open your hubby's eyes to what is really going on for you, and that he truly hears you. Good luck. You're not alone with these feelings though. Just please speak up and make sure you're heard!

 

SonyaM - February 17

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I don't have this problem but I know a lot of people do. I suggest showing him this thread and that way he will know how sad you are and how much you need him. I have heard a lot of people say their husbands don't interact with the baby until they are older and also that alot of men retreat to their "cave" because they feel alot of pressue financially etc. Good luck and {{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

ssmith - February 17

P.S.....my daughter's name is Cailtin too!

 

mandee25 - February 18

Congrats on the LO and welcome to Infant Care. I am sorry you are dealing with this right now. As if having a baby and your whole world changing isn't enough! I would go NUTS if my inlaws were here all the time. Sorry, I have no advice for you.

 

drea - February 18

Congrats on your new arrival...I'm so sorry your feeling this way, and you have every right to. you should say something. I have had this talk/fight with my dh tons of times, even before the baby. After 5 months, I think he is finally starting to see the light (more than before anyway). ssmith is right, they just dont get it. I'm sure he will eventually come around. Besides your hormones ar TOTALLY out of wack. When I first got home I cried A LOT. Its overwhelming at first especially when people are always there, when sometimes you just want it to be you, dh and your lo. I hope everything works out. By the way, my dd's name is Kaitlyn too.

 

tritty - February 19

well I see that there are a lot of katelins out there. LOL. thanks to all of you for your help. just knowing that someone out there is willing to listen kind of helps. the dinner ended up working out fine because his little sister got sick and they couldn't come over because they don't want to get the baby sick (thank God they're atleast that kind!) it's just hard because my DH's family is VERY tight knit. they all live in this area and his mom has 3 other sisters. they were all attached to their mother (sometimes more than their husbands which i think is very unhealthy) and she just pa__sed away a few months ago so i think his mom is trying to have the same thing with us. NEWS FLASH---- most women want their mothers NOT THER MIL! not that i don't love his family, we've just had a lot of hard times and i just don't want them around. anyhow, i'm trying to talk openly about my feelings (eventhough i still don't think he gets it) and i think he feels my opinions aren't valid right now because i'm emotional.... UGH! i'm sure it'll work out. thanks for letting me know i'm not alone!

 

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