Frustrated With Dh He Just Doesn T Get It

6 Replies
JessC531 - May 9

Ok, so I'm a first time SAHM. I love being home with my daughter, and feel sure that dh and I made the right decision for me to stop working. BUT... I start to go a little crazy sometimes. I'm with dd (9 mo) all day, then dh either works late, or he comes home and I go tutor for an hour or two. (I'm a teacher.) So, my only human contact is with dd, dh, the kids I tutor (8 - 10 yrs old), and the people at the supermarket. LOL. I miss adult conversation badly!!! So last night I had a Tastefully Simple party to go to. I was excited because I don't get out much, and I couldn't wait to see all my friends. Well, dh left work late, then remembered he had to go to DMV to renew his license because it expires tomorrow, and didn't get home in time for dd to go to bed. So... I had to nurse her instead of dh giving her the bottle that I worked so hard to pump, and when he got home I was still trying to get her to bed. By the time I did that, I still had to get changed into a clean shirt and brush my hair, and I ended up being late. Dh said it's just a dumb appetizer party and why should I care? Well.... it's a dumb appetizer party that I was looking forward to going to, and it shouldn't have mattered what he thought of it. He knew about this for at least a week, and he shouldn't criticize what I want to do. The point is, he just doesn't get it that it's important for me to still be social. He sees all kinds of people every day, even if it is at work, and has no idea what it's like to have no social life at all. Ugh. I guess I just needed to vent. I'm going to try to talk to him tonight and get him to understand how I'm feeling... and I'm going to try to plan to get out more. Otherwise I just might lose my mind. Anybody else feel like dh just doesn't get it??? Or am I the only one? :(

 

alisonelecia - May 9

Have you considered joining a play group in your area? They are very helpful in terms of giving you a chance to get out and socialize with other moms. There are some online resources that you can use to look up some groups in your area. Where are you located? A quick google search may yield some unexpected results. I know it's tough when dh isn't understanding, but I think if you talk with him, and start making some plans during the day with your dd and other moms, things will get better. Keep your head up.

 

mlm056 - May 10

HI Jess, I believe it is difficult for DH to understand what it is like for us SAHM's. I am 100% behind Alison's reccomendations... I would go bonkers if I didn't have my play groups -- we go to one on Wednesday's and Friday's -- I so look forward to them -- just to talk with other MOm's who are in the same situation. Can you and your DH get out for a date night? Maybe have a good conversation over a dinner out without any distractions? Definitely get involved in your community groups -- they are livesavers.

 

Happymommy - May 10

Yes! You definitely need adult interaction. One of my best "outs" is Mops--Mothers of Preschoolers and they are pretty much all over--at least in the states and Canada. I can bring my youngest to the nursery and there is a fun, educational program for children 3 and up. Most of the moms are SAHM's and it is great to talk to women who are going through some of the same stuff. There is are also relevant speakers and programs. When I leave Mops I feel pampered and I honestly think it makes me a better Mom. Usually Mops groups don't meet in the summer, though, so you should look for a play group like the other women said. Hope you find something!

 

TiffanyRae - May 10

ohhh jess i completely understand! That same situation happened to me last week! It was a tupperware party and DH FINALLY got home from work and, after knowing about my party for at least a week, was like "oh babe i am really really tired tonight...do you think you could skip the party and stay home with alex"? I was all up in his face...not pretty. Hence why i need to start getting out some of my anger in a different way! My other problem with dh is now that he is the only one working and bringing in all our cash....he is GOD! ahhh it makes me soo angry! I feel like he expects me to do everything and sit next to him feeding him grapes! lol arg. i hate to say it but i really have no good advice for ya! i am still trying to figure it out myself! All i can say is just take deeeeep breaths! lol thats what i try to do! they drive us nuts...yet we gotta love um!

 

Happymommy - May 10

Also, I have heard many veteran parents say that the time that we have little children is the most demanding on a marriage, because the kids demand (and need) so much from us. For us at home, all of our energy during the day (and night) is put into taking care of the kids, and for dh they work all day and then at night have responsibility for the kids as well. I don't know about you all, but between my 3 (ages 4, 2, and 10 weeks) I feel like I am on my toes from morning to night. I have so little time for myself, and dh and I have a hard time connecting because we are both so tired and just want time to veg out in front of the TV or read a book and just be alone. I guess the best thing to do is make an effort to make time for ourselves and our relationships, and realize that it is really a short time in our lives that things will be so chaotic. Also, we should make an effort to help our dh's to have that much-needed alone time, and hopefully they will reciprocate.

 

evae777 - May 10

yep i can relate, my dh still gets to go to concerts, etc with his friends or coworkers and i have to stay home to feed the baby along with us not having trustworthy babysitter since ds is only 3.5 months old. he works all week so on weekends he doesnt feel like going anywhere. urgh. then the other day he had the nerve to ask me if i could make sure i pick my hair out of the bathtub when i am done showering. i had to make it clear to him that as much c___p of his (dirty sweaty socks being one) that i pick up after along with being the one that does all the cleaning (toilet and bath scrubbing) that he can't even pick my hair out of the tub every once in a while. so it got funny... i ended up telling him sure i will pick up after myself, if you pick up after yourself and take on half of the bathroom cleaning duties (this is still a__suming I will clean the rest of the house). soon enough he realized that i really do alot and never complain a bit so he is now much more cooperative. we also got into a disagreement today. i told him that since he is always going to concerts to PLEASE stop buying a dozen tickets and letting all his single guy friend/co-workers invite anyone they want (being other single women). Since i don't get opportunities to go out much all i ask is for him try to avoid opportunities to being around young girls that he doesnt know, just for peace of mind so i don't start feeling jealous and left out. he made it as if i have some terrible trust issues... so yes...I'm with you... DH just doesn't get it!

 

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