Going To MIL S House What Should I Do

23 Replies
*leslie* - November 14

I have a problem, my MIL feels like she is the leader of La Leche League..(well at least she was a lactation consultant) and as you can imagine she is like b ___stFEED, BREASFEED! b ___stFEED! When I told her I bought a pump SHE HANGED UP THE PHONE ON ME! She thinks baby is only supposed to have br___t and nothing else. Thank God I wanted to breasfeed or else we would have a big problem..well anyway so I am bf but am having some problems, I am not producing enough milk so I am doing half breasmilk and half formula..well she doesn't know this or she would probaly be calling me everyday to tell me what a bad mother I am. This weekend we are going to go over to her house and I don't know what to do b/c baby is not going to have enough with the br___tmilk and I just can't give him formula in front of her, she is going to make such a big deal. What should I do? I don't want to tell her off b/c I don't want to have a bad relationship with her..

 

Heidi - November 14

Oh dear god. I feel so bad for you. Maybe you're not producing enough milk cus SHE'S stressing you out!!!! There's NOTHING wrong with pumping b___stmilk. I do it for when she starts daycare. That's really rude of her. I don't have any advice except explaining to her how you're trying your best and not everyone can b___stfeed! How old is your baby? Pumping will increase your milk production and SHE should know that! Keep it up!

 

*leslie* - November 14

hey Heidi! last time I heard about you we were both pregnant! lol! so how is your baby? (I don't know if you remember me :) anyway well my baby is 6 weeks, I think he used to drink about 2-3 oz per feeding every 3-4 hrs but now he eats about 5-6 oz per feeding and I only make about 3.. it sucks I get so frustrated and I feel guilty for suplimenting with formula

 

well - November 14

why don't you pretend to be using expressed milk? Unless she takes a big gulp for herself, she may never know.

 

Steph - November 14

Screw that. I would not pretend to do anything. This is your kid and your going to feed YOUR baby. I'd be pretty firm with her that you are doing what is right for your child and you don't need her negative opinions regarding the same. You don't have any reason in the world to have to explain yourself or your b___stfeeding habits to her. Your baby is still getting some, and that's all that should matter.

 

Shelly - November 14

It's tricky b/c you can see the difference between b___stmilk and formula.Nestle goodstart its the one that LOOKS more like b___stmilk,good luck!!

 

Amaya's mommy aka Stephanie - November 14

Maybe just act "shy" and go in another room to feed. I know you cant avoid her forever, but maybe another month or so, til your milk production is up. OR you could just be honest and tell her the truth and maybe she will help you. You could always fake the flu since it is that season and just skip the visit all together. Good luck!

 

to Steph - November 14

Not all of us are as forceful as you and would like to keep the peace.

 

Toya - November 14

Leslie, you are an adult and a great mother. Although your MIL may feel like she's the "founder" :) of la leche league, you cannot force your body to produce milk. If she questions you, just handle yourself gracefully and politely answer "I strongly desire to exclusively b___stfeed, but it's best for the baby to be supplemented with formula, than to starve." Don't stoop to her level by telling her off...Heap coals on her forehead with your kindness and sweet spirit.

 

Steph - November 14

Keep the peace by lying? Does not work with me. It's c___ppy when people try to make new mom's feel badly by doing things differently than they would. I think it's mean and inconsiderate. I am not a forceful person, but I certainly have my standards and I am not going to have anyone make me feel badly for choosing to do what Leslie is doing. I don't think that anyone should have to lie or sneak around and I think it's wrong to "keep the peace" in a situation like this. I also did not say to tell her off or be rude, just go about business like you do at home and if questioned about it, go ahead and give an answer, there's no reason to lie.

 

Toya - November 14

Oh yeah, and in addition...I wouldn't take the advice of pretending to be using b___stmilk...You shouldn't have to lie to prove yourself a good mother.

 

-m - November 14

I agree with Steph. Please don't be ashamed for doing what's best for your baby. This is YOUR baby and YOUR decision, not hers. If she does say anything to you about using formula, just politely tell her that you are doing what's best for you and your baby, and have your husband back you up. That should be the end of it, no futher explanation needed. If she persists, then your husband should step in. Good luck and I hope everything goes smoothly.

 

P - November 14

Taking Fenugreek and Blessed Thistle (3 capsules each three times a day with meals) really helps some women with their milk production. I took it and noticed a huge difference very quickly. Some notice a difference in as little as a day though most don't for several days. It was explained to me the reason you're not supposed to supplement was because the first few weeks/months are used by your body to figure out how much milk to produce and if you don't use up everything you produce you lose it. I've had an awful time b___stfeeding because I didn't do it right at the beginning and it's been as major pain in my behind. For your own peace of mind try to get your production issues taken care of now.

 

*leslie* - November 14

maybe the best solution will be to stay in a hotel, thats what we do sometimes....even if I pumped milk she will disagree she thinks b___st pumps are bad..well we'll see how it ends up like..thanks ladies for your advice

 

Heidi - November 15

Yep I remember you! Emma is 5 wks today! I think she's going through a growth spurt cus the last couple of days she's back to eating and sleeping all day without hardly any awake time. Oh I feel bad for ya. I'd hate to have a MIL like that. I'd probably put my foot down once and for all because if she's being this a___l now, she's not gonna get any better about other issues when your baby gets older. Tell her you're not going to visit anymore if that's how she's going to act!

 

Julie - November 15

Leslie, All I can say is this is your baby. Whether your MIL likes it or not you will do what you have to do for YOUR BABY. She raised her kids. You are doing what you have to do I would just tell her.

 

Jamie - November 15

Be honest with her - tell her that while you do b___stfeed, you simply do not produce enough milk yet, and so you have to supplement with formula. If she's a former lactation consultant, she should know that stress CAN contribute to a small supply. Also, I agree with the sentiment of - she raised her kids; it's your turn, now. Breastmilk is higher in nutrition than formula, but that doesn't matter if the baby isn't getting enough b___stmilk. Tell her you are following the advice of your pediatrician, and that her interference is unwarranted, unwanted, and is actually harmful to you and your baby.

 

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