He Said He Didn T Care

17 Replies
fayesyoungmum - September 22

h__lo, me and my partner had a HUGE argument earlier, which is nothing new for us (unfortunatly) and we both said things in the heat of the moment to hurt eachother. that i can deal with. But he said he doesn't care if he doesn't see our daughter (shes 4 months) ever again and he doesn't care about her. As you can imagine this has really upset me, but i think he was being truthful, he doesn't seem to care about her, he doesn't seem to care about her even when we haven't had a row.. he will get in from work and he won't pick her up or anything all evening. i can't remeber the last time he fed her or changed her nappy. so i think he was being honst when he said he did not care about her! Has anyone else's partner said this? i don't know how he could say things like this when there are people out there who are trying to have children and who would do anything to have a little one. x

 

ImpatientMommy - September 22

Wow... that's terrible. I'm really sorry that you're in this situation, I can't imagine what that must feel like. Maybe suggest going to counseling? Have you talked to him? give him time to cool down and ask him if he meant that or if he was just caught up in the moment.

 

fayesyoungmum - September 22

i haven't spoke to him since, i told him to leave. i tried talking to him lastnite about why he doesn't hold her and he just said he's been busy.. that is not an excuse. if i spoke to him now then he would probably say he didn't mean it, but thats easy to say, he needs to act like he didn't mean it, which he can't do because he did mean it.. im sure he did. (does that make sense?) i can understand him trying to hurt me but our lil girl has done nothing wrong. im just so angry at him, i love and care for my dd and would never say what he did even in an argument, so how could he unless he meant it x

 

Angiconda - September 22

I am really sorry about you situation I can imagin how upset you must be. I guess my advice to you would be in you feel that your partner really doesn;'t care about your daughter then why would you want her to grow up with a father that doesn't care and that doesn't want to interact with her at all. I agree with you being busy isn't an excuse not hold your child. Maybe he just needs to bond with her or something. I wish you the best of luck and hope you guys can work things out.

 

eclectic66 - September 22

Wow, that has got to be one of the cruelest things to say about your own child. Honestly, I would tell him to take a walk! I don't know how long you have known him or anything, but in my opinion any man that is not capable of loving his own child has got to be useless and also untrustworthy. I would never want him to be alone with her bc if he does feel that way then who is to say he wouldn't be capable of taking out his frustration on her (shaken baby syndrome)...to me his amitting a lack of love for her is just a red flag for a potential SERIOUS problem for not only your dd, but you. Kick him to the curb!

 

AudreyC - September 22

While people do tend to say things they don't mean in the heat of the moment, it's obvious to me that your partner truly doesn't care about the baby or the fact that he's now a father and he has a family to take care of. He's not being responsible and he needs to shape up or ship out. You and the baby don't need the extra stress. I admit to saying the same thing when my dd was three months old (she's now 10 mths), but at the time I was having problems with depression and lack of sleep. Thankfully I'm much better now and my dh has been very supportive. Best wishes!

 

fayesyoungmum - September 23

Thanks ladies for all your replies. i havent spoke to him since he left saturday morning. i really don't know what to do, i hate the thought of being on my own but he SHOULD NOT have said what he did. My daughter does deserve better. im not sure if hes having trouble bonding or what.. Aargh men!! well not all of them lol. im so confused on what to do :(

 

aliciavr6 - September 23

ME ME!! Well he didn't actually say he didn't care about her, but acts just the same as yours. He also said he feels numb about her, has no real emotion. But he doesn't do anything for her unless I tell him to. Finally had a b__w out and he also left. We argue a lot too, when I was pregnant, to p__s me off, he said he wasn't going to sign the paternity acknowledgement. My advice, is to let him go, don't call him, and if he comes back, he better have changed, if he hasn't, don't let him back. That's where I'm at right now. Give him some ground rules. Because any mother deserves better than that. WE NEED HELP and he should feel a bond with her. If he doesn't, he needs to go talk to someone about it and figure out why and work on it.

 

fayesyoungmum - September 24

alicia.. its so upsetting isn't it! he did text me this morning to ask how dd is, but i didn't reply, i maybe should have but i don't want to speak to him. one second he cares next he doesn't! have you sorted things out with your dh? i know that if i lay ground rules he will agree but then probably won't do it.

 

aliciavr6 - September 24

haha just like us! he'll agree and make 8 million promises but not keep any of them. He's out of the house for now, he's been gone only a few days so we'll see how it works out. He's paying daycare and picking up the baby from the sitter a few days a week. I think it is AWESOME that you didn't write him back. Let him know that you don't need him and you can get by without him. When my bf does things that are inconsiderate towards my dd, I tell him, we deserve better than you. And he knows it. All I have to say is at least these babies have US. :)

 

fayesyoungmum - September 24

ohmygod.. it's so alike. well atleast your bf's seeing your baby. but right now i don't want him to see her anyway. i think he already knows i can do this without him.. i have been since she was born, he often leaves us! let me know how it goes with you and your bf x

 

Nerdy_Girl_10242006 - September 24

My husband and I got into a HUGE fight the other day...so much so we were questioning our relationship and saying things we didn't mean either. I told him I wasn't happy and I told him I would keep my daughter as far away from him when I leave. But really, I would never keep him from seeing our daughter. She deserves both parents not just one. Maybe he just has a hard time getting along with the baby. Maybe he is just to small, and him being a guy he can't do all the things Dads dream of, such as sports and wrestling. I would seriously think that with my husband. He works from 5:30am to about 10:00pm and doesn't see us much (which I literally hate) and he said he does doubles to get away from us...which I know isn't true because he cries daily about how much he misses his little one. He has a hard time saying good bye...we just say things we dont mean. It may seem like it, as with my husband i could think if he wants to see her so bad he wouldn't work so much. but I know why he is working alot. Its sweet that he is doubling for a good anniversary present for me...but his comment to me was a heat of the moment trying to make the situation worse thing. I know he didn't mean it...and he knows I would never keep DD away from him. Just talk with him about it. It was wrong for him to say, and both my husband and I said we were NEVER EVER going to put our daughter in between our fights anymore.

 

aliciavr6 - September 24

Fayes - my bf has left and come back at least 6 times now since she was born haha. VERY alike. I def will, you keep me updated too

 

JerseyGirl - September 24

It's such a shame how a wonderful thing like bringing a baby into this world can cause such heartache. I feel for all of you... mainly because my DH can be just as much of an a__s sometimes. He never said he doesn't care about our DS, but sometimes his actions (or non-actions, I should say) speak louder than that. He'd rather watch TV than take care of him. Or, when I'm running around the house like a crazy woman (working from home, trying to calm the baby if he's crying, cleaning/sterilizing his bottles, doing his laundry, etc.), my DH is sittin' on the couch watching TV. And then he asks why I won't watch with him. Are you freaking kidding me? I just don't get how he doesn't see... and doesn't offer to help! Sometimes he does but it's so rare... Anyway, I wish things were better for all of us. I see some couples that work things out perfectly and I wish I had that...

 

fayesyoungmum - September 25

it is a shame, the happiest day of my life was ruined by my bf.. he made me cry the day i had our dd when i was in labour (and it wasn't because of the pain, lol) when i first brought her home.. he made me cry and hes been walking out ever since! if this was anyone else saying these things i would tell them to get out of the relationship, but its harder then that. and OH MY GOD.. guess what.. he seems to think that he did not say he didn't care about her and never wanted to see her, yes he did!! so now he's turnt to lying, thats what he does best though. we haven't even properly spoken since saturday morning, if he wanted to see his daughter he would have asked, but he went 2weeks without seeing her before and i kept saying to him you need to see her and he didn't want to know and when he finally did see her it was only for about half an hour :( my lil girl deserves soo much better!

 

JerseyGirl - September 25

She sure does, and you do too. If you want the relationship to end, at least it's easier than if you two were married. Don't stay with him for the sake of your daughter; it would probably be worse for her to grow up in a household in which you and he fight than to have parents who are separated. I wish you - and all of you - luck and good things. Somehow, it'll all work out for the best.

 

aliciavr6 - September 25

fayesmum - same boat here. just let him go if you can, maybe eventually he will realize he's a complete eff up and change on his own. if you ask him to come back, things will stay bad or even get worse. i know from experience.

 

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