Help For Heartbroken

18 Replies
jen - January 26

I just had a baby girl whom is 14 weeks old. I want some opinions on this matter, but I can not go to anyone I know. I just found out that my husband has been looking at p___n on the internet while I am not around and has been doing it for many years without my knowledge. Porn I do not mind so much, but when I confronted him he lied about it, and then eventaully fessed up. He stated he was ashamed. My husband is not goodlooking to other women, therefore he did not have many girlfriends. I understand that he needed some release, but now that he is married should I be upset. I don't feel like I an not desirable, I modeled before getting pregnant. How should I feel how should I handle the situation. Thanks to all

 

Heidi - January 26

Ha ha! I think it's pretty normal. Especially since I've been cutting him off since our daughter was born. We don't have the internet at home but he's got a couple videos I find in my vcr once in a while. Ha ha!

 

Christophers-DawnC - January 26

I think it is very normal. My dh looked at it before I was preggo. I used to get p__sed but am convinced every man has it in him. As long as he looks and never acts on a real woman we are OK

 

Shannon - January 26

i'd only be upset that he felt like he had to hide it. talk, talk, talk. it kinda sounds like there are certain things he's afraid to share with you. oh, and as long as he sees to your needs and not subst_tuting p___n for you i wouldn't be upset.

 

Don't worry - January 26

Most men look at p___n (I think all men actually, but some women here are sure that their husbands don't look at it.). He probably felt shy about telling you, because he was worried you'd think he was warped or something. As long as he's not acting out his fantasies on other women, and still gives you attention when you want it, then just let it go. Try talking to him about it, and ask him what kind of things he likes to watch most. I find it really s_xy when a guy can open up his mind to you about something so intimate. Providing it's not too perverted of course!

 

Ginny - January 26

Since he has hidden it, has lied about it, and feels ashamed, it sounds like he has a problem with it himself. I agree that you need to talk, talk, and more talk. At one time, DH and I had enjoyed it together, but we stopped because he wanted to for various reasons, and we talked about it alot. Now, when he gets "urges" he comes to me and we talk about it, and it has resulted in a MUCH steamier love life, because I am his only outlet, and he's more likely to act out what he's thinking than to live vicariously. So if he is willing to open up about it, you might end up growing closer.

 

Barb - January 26

ok...I'm probably going to get bashed for this, but I'm just going to give my opinion bc I am a Christian....I think p___n is wrong and a sin...and it could really hurt your marriage, especially if it has already hurt your feelings. Porn puts false images into a mans head, what he thinks you should do,sound like,look like, dress like ect.... and it can put a serious wedge between what should be the most wonderful intimate moments you share with your husband....ok, sorry if I offended anyone, I just wanted to share my thoughts and to let you know Jen, you have a right to be heart broken. And I do agree with others here too...communication is the key to a healthy happy marriage : )

 

jen - January 26

Thank you to all for your openess and opinions.

 

FYI - January 26

I think that if it is mutual between a man and woman, p___n is okay to look at. There are plenty of times my dh has taken a whacking or two either to the dvd's or to the computer. There are also plenty of times that I've used toys when he was either not around or asleep. We enjoy p___n together occasionally, but not all the time. I certainly think Jen, that your husband was afraid to talk to you about it, and probably was made to feel badly about looking at p___n and/or masturbating. I do think that the two of you should talk about it and see how things go from there. Maybe one night you could surprise him with a steamy night of oils, candles, and put in a little p___n to let him know that he should not be embarrased about it, but he should be honest and communitate with you. Good luck!

 

I also agree - January 26

that p___n is bad. Even if you both do enjoy it together it can really hurt your marriage. One day he may pick the p___n over you(to get a quick "fix") and it will hurt your feelings.then you'll wonder why you ever let that c___p in your house to begin with.

 

Mommy - January 26

My DH watches it sometimes. The only reason I don't mind now is because I came to terms with the fact that men like looking at naked women, all men do. I actually choose what I am okay with him watching and what I won't let him. We watch together sometimes too, even though it does nothing for me really. So long as both parties agree I don't see any problem. I did feel bad when he would hide it though Jen, so that's pretty normal. I was my Dh's first girlfriend, everything and I am decent looking, I think. Men are wired that way for some reason and it sucks for us girls. Like everyone else said, TALK, TALK, TALK. It will help.

 

Sophie's Grandma - January 26

Men and Porn...sooo normal. Not to worry! Why not consider using it to your advantage...spend a little time time with him and check out what he's into. Go in with an open mind, who knows...it may turn him on to you right there and then. Hey ever since camers were invented men have been looking. Heck, it can even turn on some women. I don't think is intentions were to hurt you. Everyone has a "dark side" and you just caught a glimps of his fantasy thats all. It's O.K.

 

Jbear - January 26

It's really normal...he probably hid it from you because he thought you would think he was a pervert. Men are more visually oriented than women...they like to look at pictures. If you think about it, you've probably read a book sometime and been turned on by the s_xy parts of it...a man looking at p___n is pretty much the same as that. My husband likes to look at p___n. Sometimes we watch stuff together, or read naughty stories together. It doesn't have anything to do with being attractive...most women don't look like the ones in those magazines, and if we did, our husbands would have been to shy ever to come up and talk to us...my husband says he's not imagining a relationship with the women in magazines, he's just looking at a body.

 

Mandi_Lin - January 26

Jen my husband did the same thing, but mind you he is a 20 year old man...This is completely normal.....true it isn't fun to have him lie to you that is the part that makes me mad at my husband, but p___n...no, just be glad he isn't getting it from another woman.

 

Shelly - January 26

I am going to agree with most posters,men and p___n is very normal.Porn has been around since the middle ages......like Sophies grandma said,you may want to give it a try,maybe it can become something both of you will enjoy.Good luck. Oh.....I also agree with the talk talk talk,that is the best MEDICINE for every relation.

 

Meredith - January 26

Porn is no big deal. My dh enjoys it sometimes, but I had to block it from my computer bc he was picking up viruses, i would tell him his hoeing aroung on the net was bring diseases home to the computer. haha We watch it together sometimes, I do not take it personal. I have heard of a case where I would draw the line, and I told my dh I would be mad if he did this. My coworker's dh was talking to people for real, not pics or videos, but he had a camera and a headset w/ a mic, and talked to regular people, sending nudie pics and such. I would be upset about a real person. I told my coworker that her pc should have a very unfortunate, unexplainable accident. They moved away, so I do not know what became of them.

 

Meredith - January 26

Oh, I used to have an ex that was very ashamed of it , even after I told him I did not care, and he would stash the stuff around the house and my other female roommate would find it. That really got on my nerves. We made fun of him for it, I could go on forever about funny p___n stories.

 

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