How Is Any Of This Enjoyable

30 Replies
hipmama - January 19

My son is 2 and a half weeks old and I'm having a very difficult time coping with this new way of life. I love him to pieces, which is the only thing that's getting me through this. I just don't find taking care of him enjoyable at all especially since the lack of sleep is driving me crazy. When is it supposed to get better?? Am I ever going to enjoy this or am I just not cut out to be a mom? :(

 

ash2 - January 19

I know feelings can get confusing , but honestly, all that comes with being a mom. Do you have anyone to help you with the baby at night ? Maybe a reletive to watch it so you can get some sleep ? Sleep deprivation can hender your performance as a mom, and a person. I know it is hard the first few weeks, but it is well worth it ! I enjoy because i was prepared for it from the beginning. I knew what to expect. You might want to talk to your do about it. You may be experiencing the start of PPD.

 

LisaB - January 19

I think it gets more enjoyable around 6 months. Atleast then for me it got a ton easier and I was able to feel more confident and competent. There are a ton of milestones up to then that are amazing but I remember 5-6 months being a huge turning point for us. I felt the same way maybe I wasn't cut out to be a mom -what the hell was I thinking. I am a bit of a control freak and was always on the go and suddenly I was nursing only no bottles so I wasn't able to leave ds for more than 45 minutes at a time (in the beginning) and he HATED the car so we rarely went out unless it was for wlaks or to the park so I was lonely when dh was gone at work. I wouldn't trade a minute of my time with my son but I think for some people it takes abit longer to adjust. I had my ds when I was 30 my life style changed so dramatically that I t hink I had to relearn my way of life. The lack of sleep will peak being bad at around 6 weeks (atleast for us) then got progessively better or I learned how to cope either way. I do remember everyone saying oh cherish this time they grow so fast and I couldn't wait for ds to get bigger and stop being so scarey!! Good luck.

 

Jenn2 - January 19

Your feelings are normal. My dd is now 7 months old, and I LOVE it!! this is coming from a woman who had a VERY colicy baby from 3 days old to about 4.5 months old. She was my first, so I was in absolute shock. I promise it gets better. If your baby is average fussy I would a__sume by about 2 or 3 months you will be feeling alot better. It took me a while only b/c of the colic. I was asking this same question several months ago on here. And several women responded with what I am saying. Its hard to believe it when you are feeling down, but it really does get better.

 

hipmama - January 19

My husband helps some but since I'm b___stfeeding I have to get up most often. It feels like it might be PPD...I'm seeing my therapist next week. When does taking care of a baby typically start getting easier?

 

lexa - January 19

I agree with ash. It sounds as though you may be experiencing some ppd. Can you get any help at all so you can take a nap? Have you tried napping while he naps? It's a hard adjustment in the beginning especially when it is new to you and unexpected. Try to start a routine and stick to it. Maybe that will help. For example, bath at the same time every night, night feeding then bed. Try to get a schedule going and stick to it. Motherhood isn't easy. It can be stressful and tiring. But if you let it...it can also be the most rewarding thing you'll do. You will enjoy it one day...you just sound as though you need a little help. Talk to family members and your doctor. Part of being a great mom is asking for help when needed. You will get there. And you can always find some help on here from these ladies! Trust me....they are wonderful. You'll get through it.

 

hipmama - January 19

Sometimes it feels like the only way I'll get through it is by leaving :( My intuition says that's not true, but it's so hard not to feel that way sometimes...

 

Steph - January 19

Aww, it really does get better. IMO, the first three months suck. I don't like it at all. It took me a good 3-4 months to get used to having a baby in the house again, changing my schedule and changing my habits and taking care of someone 24/7. Trev is now 6.5 months and a freaking blast and my daughter is 8.5 years.....it does get better when you get used to taking care of their daily needs and get some sleep too! I remember st_tting the house when Trevor was a week or two old and he was sitting in the swing screaming and I was sitting in the chair bawling. :o) All I could think to myself was why, oh why did I have a baby again! I felt horrible for feeling that way, but I know it was because of the severe lack of sleep I was getting. Long winded I suppose, but I PROMISE it does get better. Make sure that you take each day as it comes....don't worry if your house is messy or if there's laundry to do. Ask people to bring over some dinners for you and your dh, or have him cook. Don't be afraid to ask for help...there's NO shame in that!! Good luck to you and keep posting on here when you get a chance. BTW, are you swaddling him when he lays down to sleep? It can really help them stay asleep if they are swaddled so that their moro reflex doesn't wake them up.

 

Nerdy Girl - January 19

I didn't feel like that after the first baby, but totally felt that way after the 2nd baby. I think it's quite normal to have such feelings, so don't get down on yourself. Is there any chance you might have a touch of post-partum depression? It sounds like that thought has also entered your mind. PPD doesn't necessarily mean you want to kill your baby or so something crazy, like those stupid brochures make you think. But if you are having some depression symptoms (which is nothing to be ashamed about!) then it would be really helpful to talk with a counselor about it. I needed some help after my 2nd was born, and I am so glad I sought it out.

 

cae - January 19

hipmama, trust me it gets better. I felt the same way also. All I kept thinking for the first 2 months was like, "I have been wanting to have a baby, and this is what its like?" "How is this enjoyable". I agree with the above and that your mind seems a bit cloudy with a newborn, ESPECIALLY if you are a new mom. Really for me it was no fun at all for the first couple of months, because it was all WORK, WORK, WORK, with no sleep. At around 3months it was better and at 6months it was great! So, it does get better. Hang it there, I know its all work with no gratification, but soon you will see your LO smile and interact with you and it will be the best feeling in the world. I know your feeling though.

 

Erynn21 - January 19

Ahh you poor darlin, it does get better, but those first few weeks(or months)can be pretty trying. You're life gets all turned upside down and it's hard, but then your baby does a cute little coo, and then smiles and everyday they do something cute(and something that drives you crazy). I had moments where I was feeding my dd and sobbing uncontrollably, it's just hard, but it does get better, my dd is 4 months and everyday w/ her is awesome, I look forward to seeing what new thing she'll do and she gets cuter everyday. I would say keep trackk of how you're feeling because ppd can happen quick, one day something bugs you, the next something more, and then you can fall into depression. Have a family member or friend come help you out for a few hours so you can take a bath or shower or do something that will make you feel better. I hope this helps, there are ppl here for you too.

 

cae - January 19

Yes.. I agree with Nerdy Girl. If you seem to be very sad, and you dont think your feeling arent right, (which it is hard to determine on your own if you are depressed) then it is good idea to talk to your OBGYN. Post partum depression it MORE common than what people think it. When I went for my 6 week check up, I remember my OBGYN telling me she had it, which really suprised me, but why should it? It can happen to anyone.

 

cae - January 19

Oh, I want to add. Try to get out as much as you can. I know its hard with a newborn but especially when you are b___stfeeding, but seriously, it helps. I remember when I brought my baby home and I did not leave the house for l2 weeks straight, and i went to the grocery store to pick up some bread, and, really, it was like the best ride ever! Just to get out the house with baby or without baby will do your mind some good. I remember getting that advice from my nurse colleagues, to get out when you can. THen when I heard that I obviously didnt know what they meant. Staying indoors for such a long period of time can make anyone crazy. Make sure to get out, have family and friends visit. Just try to do things that you did before baby, so it does not seem like you left your old life behind.

 

cae - January 19

I mean 2 weeks....typo. Not 12...LOL

 

djh - January 19

Hipmama, it does sound like PPD. But exhaustion as others have said, skews your entire outlook, plus the hormones, the let-down from the "big event", life circ_mstances, baby's temperment, etc. I can offer you this: there will come THE DAY when you will be at your most down and then...you will be speaking to someone else (or something) and when you look down you will see your precious child staring at you in the most profound way...not just looking at you, but studying you, processing you, and knowing exactly who you are. You, in your baby's eyes, will be its entire world. What a feeling that will be for you! God Bless you, take care.

 

Jenn2 - January 19

hipmama- I also wanted to mention one more thing. I am not sure if you are b___stfeeding or not, but from personal experience........I started feeling alot better once I stopped b___stfeeding. I am totally NOT trying to tell you not to b___stfeed, but I felt so "momishly" and "frumpy" until I stopped b___stfeeding around 3.5 months. A month after I stopped I had lost ALL the pregnancy weight, and just felt normal again. I guess it was the hormones. I TOTALLY think it is worth bf'ing as long as you can b/c your baby is worth it. I just wanted to mention this b/c maybe this would give you a feeling of hope for later on ( a__suming you are b'fing).

 

Nerdy Girl - January 19

Yeah, I hate to second Jenn's opinion on the whole b___stfeeding thing because I think b___stfeeding is awesome. I b___stfed my first baby for a year, but had many issues with my second baby's feeding problems. I was also going thru a lot of turmoil/depression from other events going on at the time of my son's birth. I did start seeing a post-partum counselor for help. But then the whole b___stfeeding thing just fell apart and I put him on formula at 12 weeks, and I also went back on the pill. Whoo-wee .... getting my body back and getting my hormones regulated again did amazing wonders for my whole outlook! Again, I am NOT advocating to stop b___stfeeding here, but I think every situation is unique and you need to just figure out what is going to make you personally feel better. For me, the amount of guilt with stopping b___stfeeding baby #2 was extremely intense since I did successfully b___stfeed baby #1 for so long. But I was shocked at how much better I felt once my hormones were back in check.

 

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