How Much Does Your DH Do

27 Replies
lizzy11 - March 1

I'm just curious as to how much your DH is involved in the care and play time of your LO. Seems like my DH hardly does anything. He doesn't even work so that's not the issue. Seems like I do everything. I feed her, change her, bathe her, play with her, dress her, wash her clothes, wash her bottles, and everything else. All he does is make up the bottles most of the time and try to comfort her when she's crying sometimes which doesn't work. Is she not use to him because he doesn't spend enough time with her? I'm afraid she's not bonding with him. Could this be the case? I think he is taking me for granted when it comes to our DD because he knows I'll adventually do it. If I don't though, it will never get done. Suggestions? It's annoying. He's never changed a diaper. Maybe this is all my fault?

 

iemc19 - March 1

How old is your wee one?? We're having no.4 soon and I know from experience it will be a fortnight before he feels brave enough to do a nappy..And only then if I'm not about...New dads are very nervous at handling newborns - even when it comes to no.4!! Mine will make up the bath but it again takes a couple of weeks before he feels secure with the baby to do it himself...Laundry I do anyway - I wouldn't trust him near it, I b/feed and don't pump - when it comes to weaning baby is all his!! But he cuddles and plays constantly...If you're concerned try giving him your daughter in his arms and tell him what to do exactly...to the letter...sometimes they really are so unsure of themselves and they see us with them and think they can't do it as well as we do - dumb but hey..its a man!! - Tell him what you want him to do and walk away...Go take a long bath behind a locked door, with some music so you can't hear anything...or go out - to the shops whatever for an hour...Tell him you want him to be more hands on.....And then make him do it...

 

Emily - March 1

It is not all your fault, it is men in general. Just wait the resoponces will come. Alot of ladies have trouble with thier dh doing things. The only time my dh changes a diaper is when I am not home and he has the girls. come to think of it that is the only time he does anything for them is when I am not there. (He is pretty much forced to watch them Mon and Tues cause he is off and I work and we cant afford to have someone watch them. my mom watches them the days we both workm but she needs time off to....) I do everyohign aroudn the house too, cook, clean. He is suposed to empty the trash and hlf the time I do that too......you ar not alone dear. we all have that problem. if not all the time, at times....it drives me nuts too. ALthough I must admit when I was about to have a nervous breakdown from no sleep for four nights when our two year old was sick, he did step in one night. till about midnight, then wehn she got up, he resorted to yuelling at her to go back to bed from our bed. I had to get up agian so he didn't wake the baby too! MEN!

 

lizzy11 - March 1

Wow! All good suggestions! My DD is 11 and a half weeks old. Maybe I just need to go out but I'd hate leaving her not knowing what would happen. He really loves her but I think isn't sure how to do things or what she needs. It's a mommy thing. lol Thanks again. Lizzy

 

ashtynsmom - March 1

You are not to blame, and it is not your fault. My DH is like this too. He is laid off right now, but do you think he lifts a finger around the house? I have even deprived him of s_x to try and get the point across, but all he does is b___h then and say " Why would I do something for you, when you wont' do "something" for me." HELLO... it is not MY house, MY daughter, MY dishes, MY supper... it is OURS. He thinks he deserves father/husband of the year award if he puts the wet clothes from the washer to the dryer, or washes his breakfast dishes. Little does he remember that on a daily basis I do 1000 times that, and don't even get a Thank You. He thinks I should molest him out of pure lust for doing the dishes!!! WRONG!!!

 

Erynn21 - March 1

Mine does a ton, he is really helpful and involved. I guess I am in the lucky minority who's husbands do something, although now that our dd eats solids there's no poopy diapers for him he will throw up. I know that I am really fortunate to have a husband who will work then come home and play with our dd and take care of us. He does laundry, dishes, we share our responsibility for our household, not all men are lazy, just many.

 

mandee25 - March 1

Men are funny creatures for sure. I don't have much to complain about. Dh will change diapers, but I end up doing the majority. He will play with him and watch him after work or on the weekends when I need a break or have to go to town. I do ALL the bottle washing, making up his bottles, baths, etc. He helps but I do most of it and it works for us. He also will help with the extra weekend housework too but mostly if I ask him to.

 

jacksonsmommy - March 1

My DH has good intentions and wants to do more but our son just won't have it. He's a mama's boy! I'm a stay at home mom so he's with me all day long and at night tends to get fussy and tired and won't let anyone else hold him. Poor DH gets up at 5:30 every morning and that's when they do their daddy and son time -- the baby is in a much better mood in the mornings and will let his daddy hold him then. Otherwise, I do everything. DH does change diapers when he's home though. He just works a lot. If you want your hubby to do more, just talk to him about it. I'm sure he'll step up -- maybe he's just not aware of how you're feeling. Good luck.

 

ssmith - March 1

I agree, I think they are totally unsure of themselves, and think that they can never do as good a job as Mom...so they don't even try. My DH took forever to build his confidence up to take some initiative with dd. My Dh needed really detailed instructions, and suggestions like "she (dd) really likes it when you.....", or "this works really well for me......" I also think that a lot of men are not "baby" people, they are "kid" people. They like when the baby is big / old enough to do stuff with. It just takes time....good luck.

 

lizzy11 - March 1

Wow! Thanks ladies! I don't feel so alone now! Jacksonsmommy, I think Hannah is a momma's girl. lol. He just tried to feed her right now and she would have none of it. I tried and she ate, no problem. He just took her downstairs to have some daddy daughter time to play but I hear her crying very loudly. Oh dear! I think he's getting the point now that he needs to spend more time with her. I talked to him a little about it. Hopefully things will slowly get better. Thanks all for your suggestions and encouragement. I appreciate it. Lizzy

 

mcatherine - March 1

I must be with Erynn21 in the minority. My husband does more than I've ever asked of him. The moment he walks in the door at night - he goes straight for the baby - diapers, books, dinner, bath, pj's and puts him to bed most nights - without me ever asking him to do any of it. He also helps our oldest with his homework and does the laundry. He can't cook, but he always cleans the kitchen if I seem overwhelmed or stands with me at the sink and helps out so we can talk. Also, he loves to get up with the baby on Saturday and Sunday mornings. He says its so I can sleep late, but I know its because its the only time he's ever really alone with the baby. One thing I have noticed is that he appreciates the fact that I have let him do things his own way when it comes to the baby. I don't hover and tell him how to hold or feed or anything. He does most if it wrong, lol, but all the boys seem happy - so it makes me happy.

 

ash2 - March 1

Well it depends with my DH . If he knows i can do it and im not bust tha he will just kind of " expect " me too. If he knows i am busy with cleaning or our 4 year old than he automatically steps up . For example, when i am cooking dinner, he knows that is the time that i have NO-ONE in the kitchen, and he watches the LO while i cook. He usually puts them to bed at night because i work second shift, but thats because he and the kids are used to that routine. I think it could be just a man that doesnt like to help. Some men have that mentallity. As far as the bonding, he might not feel comfortable with her yet. I know when DS was first born, he didnt do much with him because there just wasnt much to do yet. I would give it some time : )

 

EMBERBABY - March 1

I am very lucky too. Dh changes diapers, plays with dd, and we bathe dd together all the time. When dh gets home from work I leave dd with him to go to the gym and he usually starts dinner. He does laundry ( but doesn't fold it) I like mcatherine don't make a big deal when he makes a mistake. The other day early in the morning we were getting ready to go shopping and he was got dd dressed . He just put her in a clean pair of pajamas instead of in an outfit. I reccomend that you voice your concerns to him, most men need detailed instructions.

 

LollyM - March 1

I agree with the ladies here that men have a tough time with newborns. I made excuses about why I had to leave for an hour or so, so dh had to watch dd by himself. He was scared, and called me many times, but he did it and it was good for them both =) dd is almost 7 months, and dh still asks for help when I ask him to change a diaper, but at least he tries now because I just ask him to and make sure he does it! lol. Dh also acts like he is the hero of the century if he ever does dishes or any chores to speak of! I put the trash outside the door now, so he can see it and take it when he gets home from work, otherwise it'll never get taken out! (at least by him! lol) Men. They're all the same. At first, I was really upset and even wondered if there were guys out there who actually listen most of the time, help out with chores WILLINGLY and can read body language.. I have come to the conclusion that if there is such a man, he almost deff a gay man and clearly I have no chance with him anyway! lol. Good luck, and just try to involve him. have him "help you" for starters, and once you show him how to do things, he can do it himself. Even if he does a bad job at a diaper or whatever, just praise him for helping and tell him he is a great dad etc. I do think men are intimidated because they think they can never do as good of a job as women do. I tell dh how s_xy it is when he does daddy things and that seems to encourage him also =)

 

mcatherine - March 1

LollyM - I do the same thing with my husband - I always tell him how s_xy it is to see him cradle the baby or wrestle with our oldest son or how it turns me on to see him do this or to do that, etc... I really think that encourages him to keep doing it, lol!!!

 

LollyM - March 1

also, dh has told me that he doesn't help with chores unless I ask him because he doesn't know that I want help. So, now I just ask and he does it (eventually) lol.

 

LollyM - March 1

lol, i know mc! it really does work doesn't it! =)

 

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