How To Teach A 2 Year Old Not To Share Quot ALL Quot The Time

10 Replies
kristie h - March 11

Hi Ldies, I need some tips on how to stop my 2 year old from being so kind as i have noticed that kids take advantage of him for it. I have noticed when i go to my mums house and if my son has lollies ect the kids there will ask blair for some lollies and sit there halping him eat them till they are all gone while they have their lollies still in the fridge unopend. I have a friend that comes over and she has a son around the same age as Blair. If they are out the back playing and blair is pushing his bike around my friends son will go up to blair and scream for blairs bike, Blair then just hands him over the bike without a fight. No matter what blair has my friends kids wants it and blair will just give it. We have tought blair to share and i am glade that he does but he shares EVERYTHING and i am worried that we have made him become TOO generous for his own good. The thing that worries me the most is when he goes to school and kids bully him for lunch money ect and he will just hand it too them. How do i teach him that sharing is a good thing but not to do it all the time, or if someone bullys you for somthing eg: the bike, not to just hand it too them?

 

AnytimeLittleone - March 11

This is interesting... I dont have a toddler so I dont know the answer.. but I am looking forward to seeing what some of the more experienced mums say..

 

luviduvi - March 11

Well, I think it is great that Blair shares. However, he most likely will go through a phase where he won't want to share too. He will learn this from other children. He will become protective of his things b/c others will take from him. Therefore, he won't want to share. This happened to us. I have never had a problem telling another child to share. I don't think its cruel to teach someone elses child. I DO think its wrong to yell at someone elses child. This is a tricky one.

 

Bonnie - March 11

I agree with Luviduv. I never say anything to someone else's child....unless it involves my kid. At that point, if the other parent does not step in, I have no problems at all doing so. I also agree about it being a phase and he will learn on his own as well. I think you have doen so well teaching him to share. :D Also, I can;t speak for all areas but we have moved 3 times and my older kids are in middle school. School is SOOO much different than I went now. They seem to take an active stance against bullying which I think is WONDEFUL.

 

CyndiG - March 11

As I was reading your post, before I read the other answers, my initial thoughts were for you to speak to the other kids. And that seems to be the common thought. You obviously are there when all this is happening, so it would be easy for you to speak to the other kids and say, this is Blair's lollie, why don't we get your's from the refrigerator. Or, Blair is playing on his tricycle right now, let's wait till he's finished and then you can play with it. I think it's ok to "correct" another child, as long as it is done tactifully and especially if you are offering an alternative. He will probably learn from you to say no tactifully. I also agree, that he will go through a stage where he doesn't want to share. Just give it time. I think you're doing fine!

 

Mellissa - March 11

Rylee went through that when she was around that age. now at 3 1/2 i can't really get to her to share..period. lol. i think you should definitely do what cyndig suggested. talking to the other children is different than yelling, or disciplining. i do that with my friend's child and my neices and nephews all the time.. and it doesn't bother me when people say something to rylee if she's being unfair.

 

ash2 - March 11

Well there are 2 point of views on this one. Children learn mostly by example. If a child wants one of blair's lollies and you say " wouldnt that be nice if you shared your lollie " and he does, you praise him, and thats how you teach by example....giving is what he does all the time because he is taught and showed and praised for sharing. It is very normal and we are to carry that into adulthood as a VERY good lesson. However, it is " balance " that children can learn by example as we.. Some kids learn on their own and other you have to show somewhat. Maybe like blair. Question..... are these kids that are taking things from him or that he is " sharing " with older than him ?? That could be a sign that he feels inferior to them and he could think fel threatened by them just because they are " big kids ". Also , when a child does ask for things like candy from him , i think itis okay to share one peice, but after they start to hog the candy simply say ( in front of blair ) " ya know, blair loves to share with people , so since he shared his candy with you, i think that is enough. " That way blair can see the " balance " i was speaking of earlier that it is okay to be nice and share, but it is okay not to give all of what is his away. I also agree with the statement that it can be a phase that he goes through. However, my son never shared at that age, lol so you are lucky that you have a 2 year old that shares. I will share a story......the other day we were at mcdonalds and we were on the playground. Well i had bought him a pack of like 6 " airhead " candies and he took them in with him ( i didnt know he did or i wouldnt have let him )..well some kids came up and asked him for some. They happened to be brother and sister. Well they each asked him for a peice of candy , which would have left him no more after he had only had one peice. Well he gave the little boy one, and went to give the little girl one too, and i stopped him in the midst and explained to the siblings " why dont you guys share that one peice so that ashton can have his last peice . " and they agreed. I hope i have helped.

 

kristie h - March 11

Hi Ladies, thanks you all for your help and advise. I will defentley take your tips and try them out when i see this situation again. The reason i have not said much before is beacuaes i have finally worked the older kids out and i dont know whats in their fridge untill they go to get it an hour or so later after helping blair eat his. Somtimes i just wish i would "click on" and say somthing there and then.

 

Perl - March 11

This issue came up on that tv show called "Surviving Motherhood". The mother was really a__sertive bordering annoyingly over-involved and always correcting other people's kids but her own kid was really pa__sive and getting bullied around. The expert on the show advised her to do some role-playing with her child at home. She was supposed to teach her child at home what to say to other children if they tried to take his toys away, what to say if they pushed him etc, etc. And then the expert psychologist also told the mother to stand back and get out of the play area to give her son the opportunity and confidence to learn how to do the talking for himself.

 

kristie h - March 11

Hi Perl, i was going to do a similar apprroach to what you said untill i herd these ladies suggestions. I was thinking more on the lines of if Blair is going to share his lollies say "smarties" i will tell him only to give the kids a few then you have the rest reguardless if they have lollies in the fridge or not.. And if the other kids want his bike when blair is playing with it and blair just gives it to him then i will give blair back the bike and get the other kids somthing else to play with. I thought if i did it this way then he will get the "idea" its good to share but dont let them take EVERYTHING you have got from you and not to be a push over. What you also said is true, i am not always going be there when this happens so he needs to learn to look after himself first and not to worry about the other kids so much. Thanks perl

 

falafal0 - March 11

Well, if a child started taking advantage of the goodness of another, that gets me. But being so young, it's hard for them to do it deliberately or with viciousness in mind. If Blair has only been playing with something for a very short time and this other child wants it, just say Blair will be finished soon, in ten minutes then you can havea turn. Let Blair know it's ok to enjoy something while others wait, that he's not hogging it. It also depends on how the other child asks as well. It's a hard one, but don't let him get bullied. You can always talk to other people's children if they are interacting with yours in a way that you are incomfortable with. Just do that though, talk and make suggestions. I have four kids, from 10 through to 6 months and it only gets harder as they get older! BUT you definately want him to know it's ok to not give something he has to someone, just because they're throwing a tantrum or yelling at him. Help him understand if a child asks nicely, ask them to wait ten minutes then I'll give it to you - my turn, then your turn...? Hope i've made sense.

 

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