I Can T Deal With This Baby

97 Replies
Dalinkwent - June 8

I am married, but, basically I am a single parent because my husband is in the Army, and lately, he's been pulling all kinds of dumb duties. Coincidental or not, his latest details have been from 6-10, my little terrors "fun time" where I am expected to never leave her sights, while simultaneously cooking dinner, doing my homework (a LONG paper for my English Literature class) looking after my 5 year old son, and God knows what else Murphy's law of bull$hit throws my way. All she does is cry and wail and whine if she cannot see me. It's crazy. Last night, I didn't get around to eating and feeding my poor 5 year old dinner until 10 P.M., and it was all because the Queen refuses to be left on her own for a minute. I am at my wits end. It's ridiculous. This is like a 3 person baby. I want to send her to her grandmother's for a while, but I have no one to fly with her. I have exams coming up (summer semester courses) and I am working on finishing my Bachelor's degree. I can't do anything with her underfoot. I don't know anyone here I trust enough to keep her, as I said, the Military brought us here. My nearest family is 9 hours away. My son was the baby that made me want to have another baby. He was calm and easy going, content to play with his blocks and rattles when it was time to take care of other tasks. He rarely was angry or cried for show. This girl, I'm certain is trying to make me die from a stroke. She stresses me out SO much that I swear, I feel my heart skip beats once I'm in her vortex of whining and crying. I could understand if she was in pain, but she's not!!! The moment she sees me, she smiles and stops crying. She wants me to be there in her range of sight all her waking hours and I simply cannot because I have to tend to the home, my son, and my work. I have an appointment to see a counselor in 2 weeks, but what will it really help? They are not going to press a button to make her behave. I hate to say it, but if I had a crystal ball and I saw how stressful this baby was going to be, I would have never had s_x in March 2005. I know that may sound harsh, but I am neglecting my eldest child because I have to pour 100% into the Queen, all the time. Plus I have hypertension. I do beleive this baby is going to kill me!!!. I really do. I just need to get away from her for a little while. I don't know what to do.

 

AmandaManns - June 8

I too have the father of my child living with me, but it may as well be like I am a single parent. I am working two jobs, one of which is babysitting so my son is with me all the time, and the other is just a couple days a week and my mom watches him on those days. I am doing online cla__ses, which really does require a lot of time and then I take care of him 24/7. He also is a very very fussy baby, he is now going on 6 months and no where near as bad as he used to be. I do not regret having him one single bit, but I do wish he was a little easier to handle. He too wants my attention all the time, he will not even go to my mom's house without crying for hours and hours. I feel bad when I leave him, mainly for the person watching him because he cries the whole time. I could not imagine sending him off somewhere for a little while, I miss him if I am at work for 5 hours. I do understand that it is frustrating believe me, but remember that God would not give us more than we can handle. There were times we he was smaller that I felt I cannot do this..but each day got better and we always learn new tricks. I also had to learn that it was okay to put him in his crib and let him cry for a little while so that I could get something done. It was hard but I knew that nothing was wrong with him and crying has never killed a baby. He is my first child and has convinced me to never have another one...lol...but i love the little burger to pieces and wouldn't trade him for the world. Good luck and know that you are not the only one going through this.

 

LisaB - June 8

My dh was away for the past 7 weeks for training so I was alone with ds Mon-Fri as much as I love my ds it was sometimes really rough!!! It sounds to me like you need a break do you have a ymca in your area? They have drop in day cares which they will take dd for up to four hours which could give you sometime to catch up or take a nap!! I would take ds to the day care when I felt like I was going to freak out and I'd go work out for an hour I can't tell you how much that helped. Except for the time they had to come get me cuz ds would not stop screaming. Anyway you don't have to be a member to use the day care. As for when you are home do you have a baby carrier? I will use my baby bejorn(sp?) to carry son around house if I have to get something done. Its ok to give your 5 year old a bowl of cereal or a frozen pizza in front of the tv for dinner when you are having a hell night, make it fun like a big treat. Do whatever it takes to give yourself a little break ear plugs work!! Not to block her out but to quiet some of the noise you know take the edge off. Most important though is don't get down on yourself you are doing great and both kids will be just fine!!

 

KRC - June 8

hi Dalinkwent i understand what you are going through. even I have a high maintenance baby he doesnt eat properly, he sleeps for only 1-11/2 in the daytime. he always wants me around. I know its frustrating and believe me i felt the same way. But now i have learned some tricks. maybe this will help. i will put him in his bouncer and will place it near my chair when i am at comp and he will be okay knowing that i am there and i can do my work .you can try that but do not talk to her and dont make eye contact. while working in the kitchen i will take him with me and put him in his bouncer and keep doing my work. this is not easy as they fuss sometimes all you have to do is talk to her at that time but keep on doing your work. daybyday she will get used to it. hope this helps. and again every baby is different. good luck.

 

pbj - June 8

I don't know how old your LG is, but my 6.5 mth old is the same way. I solved that problem by placing her in her high chair with a toy or her exersaucer while I'm preparing dinner. Now even if my dh is home she wants to be in the kitchen with me when preparing dinner; and she gets really excited about it too...haha! I believe also that your stress level can also stress her out. I notice on days when I'm at my wits end because she's having a bad day, it's usually because I haven't spent much time with her. She is my first and I stay at home full time so I can't say I understand what having 2 is like even less trying to finish school. However, for now you may need to check your priorities. Is it that important that you finish your B.A. right now? Can it wait until your LG is just a little older and doesn't require 100% of your attention. Maybe you can hire someone to watch her maybe only a few hours a week...maybe just enough time for you to spend one on one with your son or to get some work done? Like LisaB said soft carriers can be a God send, she can be with you but you have your hands free. All babies are different, and like I said I can't possibly understand what it's like to have so much going on, but I think you're perpetuating the situation a bit. Just remember the more stressed you are, the more stressed she's going to be. I am slightly concerned, you should really consider a sitter or sending her to your family, if you're beginning to feel this way it can be very unhealthy for your daughter. She can sense more than you think she can, she may be acting out cause she senses what is going on with you. I think it's good you're going to a counselor, the thoughts you are having, (I'm only saying this by what you wrote, I don't really know if you're acting stressed or angry), are a bit frightening. Especially the "the Queen" statement, she is just a baby and wants her mama which is totally natural and that's the way it's supposed to be.

 

Dalinkwent - June 8

Yes, I am angry. You really have no idea, at all, and I don't expect you to understand. I am happy it's all simple for the rest of you. I really am. No, I cannot put off my education, I've come too far to do that. I do agree that my expectations were unrealistic, though. I should have expected hell to pay for having such an easy first baby. I am the idiot who thought I would have a repeat. So, now I pay for that, I guess. Sorry for venting here about this. I just have no where to go to escape and just chill out. I guess I sound like a terrible, horrible person to most of you. I'm just being honest. I need to be honest to get this off my chest at least, to help myself that much. I pray every night, and I will pray that none of you ever have to be where I am, since you can't see it. God bless.

 

Rabbits07 - June 8

Dalinkwent, I don't think that the other ladies were attacking you or your feelings. I didn't get that impression from them at all. I think they were just trying to give some suggestions that could perhaps help you in your situation and give you some hope that things would get better. Nobody has any gripes about people venting on here, but it's my a__sumption (and I guess everyone else's) that when people post a vent, they are wanting some feedback about it.

 

pbj - June 8

Look I am in no way suggesting that I don't get stressed, we all do...babies are hard work. Instead of completely losing it though you need to be proactive in finding a solution. If you seemed just a bit stressed then that would be totally normal, but your stress level is outer limits. I would say I am concerned for you and your baby. There are many options including meeting other moms so you can take turns watching children, you can try to include your son in helping you do some things around the house (it can make him feel included and important) , the ymca idea is great too. You're not the only woman that has to deal with this, my best friend has 3 kids (9, 5, & 6.5 mths), she's working on her masters, works PT, yes she is married but he works FT. They rely on other mothers and her oldest daughter to help out.

 

HannahBaby - June 8

To me is sounds like all your little girl wants is your attention. It sounds lilke you are a busy girl with school, housework, and two children. Maybe shes being the way she is because thats how she gets your attention. 6 month olds arent very clever and if thats how she knows she can get your attention, thats what she will do. It breaks my heart that you feel this way towards your own daughter, when all she wants from you is love. You sound like you are at the end of your rope and i just hope that you dont lose it and hurt your daughter. You should talk to your husband and see if he can help out, or call a parent or close friend and see if they can come and help you for a week or so. It seems like you care about everything else but your daughter (your school, your other child, the housework) She is just a baby, she is not doing this to spite you. I think maybe your should see someone professional. Good luck

 

Dalinkwent - June 8

You know what I don't get? I come here to an anonymous forum to exhale, and all I get is judgement. Last time I checked, I am not dead, and I am not before the throne of God Almighty. So, let's backtrack. I never said I ignore her, I never said I wanted to harm her. So, where you all are getting off on this tangent is beyond me. I know it's "odd" to hear a mother be honest about her thoughts when it comes to the more negative aspects of parenting. I'm sure with God's help, it's nothing I will fail to get through. That does not make this any less difficult. I am thankful to the other ladies who offered suggestions I never considered, like the carrier. Matter-of -fact, I just ordered a sling off the internet just a few minutes ago. Hannah, whatever is breaking your heart most a__suredly is not me and my problems. Rest a__sured, when I feel truly "at the end of my rope" I put her in her crib. It's as simple as that. No hard feelings towards her on my part, it's not personal and I love her to pieces, but I need to exhale sometimes, and a bit of naptime/downtime in the sanct_ty of their crib never killed a baby. If it has, please post links to these tradgedies so that I may be informed. I guess I was just reaching out, hoping that someone out there understood. I am going to school because I love my kids, and I want them to have a better life and better opportunities from my carreer advancement. It's most unfortunate that we share different viewpoints and must arrive at nonsensical conclusions based on those respective stances. Anyhow, I need to go and seize this chance to take a shower now that my husband is here to take over. God bless all of you, and I have no hard feelings, but I have no issues with setting the facts straight either.

 

pbj - June 8

Ok I've heard myself and lots of other moms "vent", maybe you need to go back and read your post, cause you sound like you're doing a bit more than just "venting". You sound as though you are about to do harm to your child and to be honest, if I'd known who you were I probably would've reported you to the DCF. We all feel stress but you sound like someone who could turn into an abuser. I wish you luck, for you and your children's sake.

 

ry - June 8

i have to say that i have read all of the responses and I, too, was concerned after reading your post. I do not see one instance where anyone was pa__sing judgement or accusing you of wanting to harm your baby. I see people that are concerned not only for your baby, but for you. I also see a lot of support and good advice and some suggestions on what you can do to help your situation. We are all here for each other and I don't know what sort of repsonses you expected to get after posting that but I believe they were positive and you need to see that for your own sake so you know that #1 you are not alone and #2 we are all here for you and understand and support you. I dont think any of us have a completely easy time with our babies, I know I dont, and I really dont think anyone here thinks you are a horrible person for admitting your true feelings. I wish you the best and I pray you find the strength and support you need. :)

 

Dalinkwent - June 8

PBJ, lol, you know what? I see I am not welcome here. Don't worry, you won't see me here, anymore. Sorry to have angered you. If you were in my home, and my life, I beleive you would retract your statement about CPS? (WTF is that all about?) Okay, a parent can't be honest without being a threat to their kids? How does your world work? In mine, feelings are just that. Reality, and what is, is what is. I'm sorry you feel the need to play "the police" for me. My house is in order baby girl, is yours? I'm just having some techinical difficulties. I don't waste my time judging you or other people I don't even know. If I saw an issue I could help with, I'd offer my advice and nothing more. I'm not a fly on any one's wall...especially on the internet. I don't have time to try and randomly a__sess the condition of someone elses life based on a particular trial they are face with, that they share on a public forum. Your last post was very cruel and without reason. As a parent with one kid, you have it easy right now! You certainly stand in no position to judge me.

 

Ang - June 8

Probably a poor time to post any sort of reply in this conversation but whatever. I'm a full time mom as well and am finishing a bio-checm masters while on my maternity leave. My dh has been away for the past 7 months and I only get to see him on the weekends so I completely understand how some feel about it seeming as though they're going it alone. My dh said he wouldn't be away for more than 6 weeks back in November and my son is now 5 months (born in Dec). I, myself, have days where I'm completely stressed and am aware that my son picks up on it and while it's nice for some to have family that can offer some relief I do not have that option either. It's tough and if he's really getting to me and being fussy sometimes I have no other option but to let him cry (for short periods -- not hours on end) as I have things to get done. I feel for you and I know that I haven't offered you any adivce -- I definately give you props for doing it with 2 kids though. I know I have a hard time with one on those nasty days. I hope things work out for you and I'm really sorry that you're having such a rough go of it.

 

Rabbits07 - June 8

Dalinkwent, I think we all realize that you are under alot of stress...that is obvious. I must say though, that I was also a bit concerned when I read your post. Yes, there are negative aspects of being a parent, but when I read your post I see more than a stressed out mother venting...there seem to be alot of hostile undertones towards your daughter. If you read your post again you will see that you never refer to her as "my daughter" or "my baby"---all your references to her were "little terror", "the Queen", "this girl" and "this baby". You also made the comment that a counselor would not be able to push a b___ton to make her behave...you need to understand that she is not MISbehaving. She is not crying just to see how fast she can drive you crazy. She is a baby and that is how they communicate. Yes, the crying sounds like it is just for your attention and no a little CIO won't hurt her. I have 6 children myself and a hubby that works all the time, plus take on-line cla__ses and there are days that I feel like pulling my hair out, but in all of that I would never wish that I didn't have my children. I don't know about all of the other ladies, but that is the part that I found really disconcerting--that you actually wish you had never had her. Don't get me wrong, I by no means think that you are a horrible or mean person. But I do think that you seem to be stressed to a point that is unhealthy for both you and your baby. I think seeking counseling was a very good idea. I hope you will continue to visit the board and be a part of discussions.

 

pbj - June 8

I won't say what I really want to say because I know I will never live it down. So, I'll be as kind as I can. Don't come onto this forum if you don't expect comments in return. You come here "venting" or so you call it and we offer legitimate suggestions to you and the only thing you can say is that we just don't understand you. Most women on here are looking for suggestions, and I can't remember a single one of them ever saying anything other than "thank you". So, when you're not thankful it is easy to believe that your situation is very worrisome to some of us here. Rabbits07 said it all best and she should know with 6 children. Is my house in order? Where do you get off? It doesn't sound like you have anything in order. If you did you'd realize that maybe your children are the most important thing right now...you sound like a selfish little brat to be honest. We all make sacrifices for our children. I just finished school when I found out I was pregnant and had a great job lined up when I was placed on bedrest. Is that my daughters fault? Would I trade her for a career or money...no way in hell. I am in my 30's and it took me forever to get to where I was, but none of that compares to my LG's happiness. So, maybe like we said you need to read your post again.

 

numba1cutie6t9 - June 8

I a military wife also dalinkwent. My husband is currently deployed at we have a month old son. Its so hard doing it by myself..way out here in the middle of no where. My closest family is only 4 hrs away..but still not enough for daily...or even weekly help. Its alot of work.

 

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