I Know This Will Touch Nerves But I Have To Ask About

33 Replies
julie316 - March 14

Spankings.. My son is 1 year old in a few days and he is a pill.. He has the worst tantrums.. He does it in the house, restaurants , and wherever he feels that I am not letting him run around and throw things around.. I cant stand doing it but sometimes I have to talk very loudly to him and give him the look that does not work and when I give in he just smirks and runs off.. His mission is accomplished.. Am I allowed to give him a gentle swat on his toosh or is he just too young?? My husband does it and I disagree because well I dont know because sometimes I beleive he deserves it.. Am I wrong?? I have done it because he has bit me in anger and made me bleed in front of others.. What can I do?? thanks.. sorry if I have offended anyone who does not beleive a swat is right..

 

LollyM - March 14

I asked this question a while back, although my dd is only 7 months. The majority of people said that rare "swatting" can be helpful for children who don't respond well to other kinds of punishment. I think that really, whatever is best for your family is good as long as it isn't hitting or anything like that and it is done very sparingly. Although I'm not sure about a 1 year old. I'm not sure if they can grasp the concept of why they are being spanked because they lack impulse control. I'm not sure if timeouts would work with a 1yo either... sorry i'm not much help! hopefully you can get some better advice =)

 

julie316 - March 14

thank you .. I get frustrated and sometimes I think a swat is quite amusing to him.. sometimes he grins and hits me back ,, I dont like it at all.. Others dont like it either.. My good friends that see this behavior.. He also tries to scratch me and will break skin.. I fear he will be a mean baby.. or already is.. can I change his behavior now, because I hope it is not too late.. thank

 

kristie h - March 14

I smacked DS at that age and YES they do need it. I mean they dont understand the naughty corner, naughty chair or toys takin away from them so if it works then do it. Just do it on the nappy though, if my DS laughs at me i then do it on the thigh, not to hard just enough to make him feel it and know i am serious. DS was very bad at that age and it will pa__s, but you have to SHOW him who is boss as its at age 1 where they start to see how far they can push you and what they can and can not get away with. If he touches somthing he is not ment to then a smack on the hand is ok. Hope i helped.

 

kristie h - March 14

PS, if you do spank walk away for a few minutes and let him cry, when you feel he is ready to be held then sit him down and explain to him why he got the smack. Even though you may think he doesnt understand you will be surprised how quick he will learn.

 

julie316 - March 14

absolutely.. I felt really bad doing it.. I never do it hard so I usually get one back in return with a grin.. He really thinks it is hilarious.. it makes me furious.. My dad did not like it but I remember he beat the heck out of me when I was little... I love him but gosh he is testy and bites me so hard and wont let go.. naughty.. thank you.. I will spank him not too hard on the toosh.. maybe harder than I was doing .. Before it was more like a tap.. I have to get tougher because he only does it with me and not dad.. he also will not go to bed till after 11pm.. He wants to play and yell .. testing his new loud shrill voice.. sweet but I need to get to bed earlier.. thank you for all your help.... I just get sooo frustrated.. and gosh I dont want to lose it or hit him too hard out of madness..

 

kristie h - March 14

Julie, i dont know if you are a married but DS takes DH more seriousley then he does me and i HATE as i feel DS walks over me somtimes. Ds will play up for me at bedtime BUT when DH goes in and say ok sleep time now andnext time if i have to come in i will smack after that i dont hear from DS till he wakes up in the morning. Dont worry abou what other people think, at the end of the day its not them being walked over or putting up with the bad behaviour.

 

CyndiG - March 14

As Lolly said, we've already had a fairly heated debate on this subject. You might search and find that thread. There were LOT"S of different opinions. We do spank. But it's a last resort. A 1 year old is just learning right from wrong. They're just starting to understand the concept. A little swat on the bottom to get their attention is ok. I don't think it's ok to "smack" one. Maybe that was just the wrong wording, but to me a swat and a smack are two different things. The most important thing for you julie, is consistency. If you tell him no about something once, then it should be no from that point on. I also don't think that when you "spank" them, you should walk away. You should always be talking to them. Swat their bottom, tell them no no, move them away from whatever is getting them into trouble, and redirect them onto something else. Obviously the older they are, the process will change. Just remember that at 1 year, they are just learning everything, including what effect they have on their world. Be patient and consistent. I'm sure you're doing a great job!

 

austinsmom - March 14

Hi Julie316.....my lo is 14 months and yes me and hubby have swatted that bottom but only for repeat offense like climbing on top of the table for the phone (where he can get really hurt) and others like that. I have been trying to ignore the bad behavior (temper tantrums and screaming at home) by leaving the room after telling him nooo. Believe it or not it does seem to work. I see nothing wrong with swats if it is one of those things you know he knows he is doing wrong but keeps doing it. I find my lo pays more attn to hubby as well and I too hate it cause I do not want hubby to be the only disiplinarian in our house. I want him to respect both of us equally. I am new to this (first lo) and I say do what works for you. I will say that I am teaching lo to throw away his dirty diapers and anything else I can find that will make him feel like he is helping mommy and gives me a chance for positive interaction so he can see how much better the attn is when he is good than when he is doing things he should'nt be doing. Good luck....I too am learning as I go.

 

Heather F - March 14

I smack dd's hand when she is doing somthing dangerious and hasnt listened to no, not hard enought to hurt her but just hard enough to make a point.....I started to do this when she was 9 months old! You can definantly do it to your one year old! I always remove her from the unwanted situation though after I smack her hand and give her somthing that she can do (redirect her attention). For example if she is sticking her finger in a outlet and I tell her no and she looks at me and then ignores me I will walk over to her and sternly tell her no (with my index finger pionted) and then swat her on the hand. I thne imediatley remove her form the situation and place her in front of somthing she can do.

 

christa0120 - March 14

READ 1, 2, 3 magic.

 

LisaB - March 14

I really dont believe in spanking or smacking childern having said thatI have a 16 months old that is forever getting himself in trouble. What I have found is A. I am the adult so therfore I need to remain calm and firm B. Consistinacy is the key and C at this age they imiate and mimic everything so a good old smack is just fuel to the fire. My ds when he is cutting teeth will try to bite He knows its wrong if he tries to bite me I firmly say no biting that hurts and set him down and leave him for a moment. That has worked amazing for the biting it took about 2x before he realized I meant bussiness now if he tries to bite we do the routine and it stops ASAP and the bonus is I didnt have to hit him to make it effective. Tantrums are very very rare in our house only cuz we head them off before they happen. I have found the tantrums happen when ds is over tired so if hes tired we will skip shopping or other obligations to avoid a scene. If he does have a tantrum in a store or resturant we either leave or tae him to the restroom til he calms himself. Distracting him helps so much if he starts to act up before he does we pull out the big guns- cell phones, my wallet things that are normally off limits. I have found that it is sometimes ALOT of work to teach him how to behave but I would do that any day over smacking him. I'm sure smacking is affective in the short term but I dont want my ds to repeat my actions or to think hitting is ok. I want my childern to respect me not fear me. Just imo.

 

LisaB - March 14

sorry for all the typos- Also you said your ds wont go to bed until after 11 pm I am thinking maybe hes over tired and cranky therefore acting up more?? I know it happens in our house if sleep an issue. Your ds should be getting 12-14 hours.

 

jacksonsmommy - March 14

I've been thinking about this topic as well. DH was never spanked as a kid but I was and that gives us differing opinions on the issue. I hope that when it comes time to make the decision that we'll both be open minded to all options. I do believe in trying several discipline methods before resorting to spanking. But I'm sure "redirection" is very hard to think about when you're in the grocery store and your 2 year old is acting like he is the spawn of Satan LOL : - )

 

Bonnie - March 14

I am not against spanking, but I think at his age it is wrong to do. He is too young to understand the consequences and so apnking wouldn't really teach anything at that age. My son is going through the same thing lately and drving me NUTS. I think all you can really do at this age is distract them with something else or ignore the actual tantrum.

 

Nerdy Girl - March 14

I second what Bonnie said. I am not against an occasional smack on the tush when it's needed, but 12 months is just too young to understand about consequences.

 

MrsShelton217 - March 14

I am glad someone brought this topic up. These are my personal feelings on it... I don't really "spank" my 3 year old daughter. I will swat her behind occasionally when she deliberatly does something I have repeatedly asked her not to do. She is pretty understanding of the word "no". She knows the meaning of "3...2...1..." (Let me explain... haha... used to count as a warning... using 1....2....3.... BUT when my daughter started learning to count... she though 3 was the end of it! So I reversed it, now we count down to one.) Okay, anyway. When I give her the 3 second warning, she normally procrastinates until I get to 1, then she does what she is told (most times)... then there are the other times, where we have a tantraum in the store, or resturant... ect.... a quick warning up an up coming swat, then if the misbehavior continues, I swat her behind. Never hard enough to injury her, nor hard enough to leave a mark. She gets my point. She usually doesn't cry. She will fuss, but b/c she feels shameful of her actions. I never apologize for swatting her, or putting her in time out. I have never asked her to apologize to me for misbehaving, yet after her "time is served" (via time out, or no toys, etc...) She will always come to me and apologize on her own. I always ask her what she is sorry for, and she can tell me exactly why. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They understand a lot more than we realize... its just that they have learned how to play us! :) Has anyone ever noticed how the children always seem to mind daddy more? (or teachers... etc...) So not fair!

 

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