Is Anybody Done Having Babies

28 Replies
MNMOM - May 21

I'm wondering how did you know? I don't mean in cases where your husband says he doesn't want any more, or when you figure daycare would be too expensive, (although those are good reasons and always factors!) I mean in your heart of hearts, how did you know your family was complete with the children you have? I feel really torn about extending the family...some days I think about another baby all day long, and other days I think I am ready to move on. I am so conflicted! Is is one of those things that you just "know when you know"?? I'd appreciate some insight anyone is wiling to share :)

 

melissap - May 21

I have 3 so I am definitley done having anymore. It is expensive and trying to find childcare is impossible where I am. Also I am sure if I did get preggo again my husband would have a nervous break down. He was quite happy with 2 and it took him awhile to get used to having another and thankfully he is such a happy, unneedy baby. I would definitley have 2. My mother and husband are both only children and the burden left to them down the road with parents can take its tole. Also I love the bond I have with my sister and the bond between my boys is incredible. I knew after 2 that I wasn't sure if I was finished and then came Ewan as a huge surprise and I was ecstatic. It will either happen or one day you will know.

 

denimb__terfly - May 21

MNMOM- I am SOOO right there with you! Some days I definitely want another, some I think we should just quit while we are ahead (LOL). I have 3, 2 of which are from a first marriage so they are 10 and 8 (almost 11 and 9) and I have a 8 month old from my current husband. We are all so happy and it works great, but I know there is such a big difference in age with my older 2 and my 3rd that I worry my 3rd will feel like an only child. Also, my husband is such a great dad and even though he is totally dad to all of my kids, I feel like I would love to give him another "blood" child if that makes any sense. Plus, I love kids and I would love for my 3rd to have a sibling around their age. I really would love to have another, but then I wonder if I am being selfish. And, then of course money comes up to. So, I can't wait to here if someone else just "knew".

 

denimb__terfly - May 21

Also the thought of saying I am done and not having any more babies depresses me.

 

kimberly - May 21

Mine are spread out so I have experienced the different ages and I just know my sanity couldn't take anymore. lol! I have 3, two boys, 5 and 9 years and a girl, 9 months. I knew I was done after my daughter because I don't think my body can handle another( I am a right leg amputee and I have kidney problems) and because of finance and my sanity. I have found that having 3 is really challenging sometimes. My oldest has always been a difficult kid and my second is just a very active boy and my dd with my crutches is too much sometimes. I just knew when I got my girl it was enough for us, so yeah you just know. I can say I knew after having my second I wasn't done but after having my third I knew I was. I think it is all about the dynamics of your family. Health, money, space, personality of your children, ect.

 

karibmomof3 - May 21

I agree with kimberly, 3 is definately a challenge. I have 2 girls ages 11 and 3 1/2 and an 18 month old boy. I am DEFINATELY done, had my tubes tied after my son was born. Yes, sometimes I feel depressed about it BUT I know it's for the best. I have my hands full with the ones I have and don't think I could do much more if I had 4. I feel sometimes my time for each one is so spread thin I feel awful about it. Not that we aren't happy. It's just hard sometimes.

 

Kiersten - May 21

I only have one baby right now, but I hope I'm not done for a long time! I want 8 at least! :) Good luck with your decision! I hope you find the answer that's right for you and your family.

 

tryin44 - May 21

How many children do you have? We have four. Two boys ages 8and 9 and two girls ages 2.5 aqnd 7 months. We are done and I know I need to be done but the thought is so depressind. Never feeling the baby grow inside and kicking to never experiencing the miracle of birth is heart breaking to me. Four kids is so hard to care for now days with sports, and schooling. I also have terrible back issues that makes for a very difficult ling pregnancies. The doctor recomendedafter #3 to stop but I just felt I wasn';t done. I doubt I will ever be truely content with the decision but it is what it is. Good luck in your decision.

 

jodie - May 21

Hey MNMOM....unfortunately I can't help you much but I am feeling the same as you! In my mind I keep saying nope I'm done! I got my boy and my girl and I am ready to grow with my kids! But in my heart I just don't feel done. You always here people say "our family is complete" like after they have a certain number of kids but I just don't feel that way either!! My hubby says all systems go if I want another but I have always had it set in my head I would have 2 kids just like my mom did. I feel lucky to have gotten one of each and they are both healthy and wonderful. I have even given away most of my baby stuff and we are having a garage sale in a week where I am selling the rest of it...but I'm not convinced that I am truley done yet. The only thing at this point holding me back from popping out another is my sanity! When my son was a baby (he is 2 1/2 now) I had allll the patience in the world...he could do no wrong...then my daughter came along (she is 10 months) and my patience got shorter with my son and with my daughter....lol. I feel like if I have a third child I will have no patience at all...haha. I keep thinking maybe I will wait a couple of years and see how I feel and if the time feels right. Plus dh has yet to get snippity snipped so you never know what could happen.

 

Mariefe - May 21

Hi, we only have one child (now almost 7 months old) and we feel like we are done having anymore. The thing is that i got married when i was just 21 years old to my beloved DH who is 18 years older than me. Then we waited for 10 years before we have our lovely daughter. Shes such a joy for both of us. Now, only few more years, my dh is going to retire from his job.. He has a very good job and we dont have financial problems but he told me, he is going to be too old for another one. Well, we are so thankful that we are blessed with a kid at least and so far we dont feel to want another. We dont know what or how many we will be in the future but surely we dont want many kids. Our daughter has a many cousins and we want her to be close to all of them. I also think that having so many kids these days is not practical anymore compared to many decades ago. Everywhere is getting congested now of too many people. The food, education, medical, housing, are becoming so expensive, and almost everything we have to pay nowadays. We dont want our kids to face life difficulties in their near future. The world is not getting better to live but its getting worst. For those of you who are planning to have many kids or already have many, good luck!

 

lissica - May 22

Well my son is over 7mo now and he is the only child we have. We don't want anymore either. We are just so happy with him that we already feel like our family is complete. Everyone always says,"Oh you will change your mind" but we are just happy with the one. I wouldn't want another child just to make everyone else happy. In my opinion if you are still torn about it then you shouldn't call it quits just yet. Time will tell. One factor that i think influenced our decision was that my dh and i both come from small families so this doesn't feel like we're missing out. Good luck!

 

MNMOM - May 22

Thank you to everyone who replied. I came from a family of 3 kids and my dh a family of 4. I think I would be perfectly ok with stopping at the 2 boys I have (almost 1 yr and almost 5). Maybe I am just struggling with moving beyond the pregnancy/baby stage? I don't know. We are not taking any permanent measures or anything and really I think since I just had a baby 11 months ago it is probably too soon to really know how I feel about having more. Two is a good number because you can divide and conquer them! But in my heart of hearts I forsee one more at some point? I don't know why, I just have that vision that my future holds another one. I really wish this topic wouldn't drive me so crazy!!!

 

Crystal83 - May 22

I don't know. I have 3 daughters right now. After my 2nd I though ok I'm definelty done. But after a couple years when My "baby" started getting older I started wanting another. Hoping for a boy. So I got pregnant again and right from the get go I decided I really want a boy so I may have another in a couple of years. My dd is 8.5 months right now, so this feeling could change when she hits her toddler stage. Sometimes I just don't know though.I guess you just kinda have a feeling. I alwasy ask myself questions once in awhile to decide. Do I really want to have a 4rth? Do I really want to go through all the pregnancy,labour newborn, toddler stuff all over again? Do I want to get into my late 30's and early 40's and still have kids running around? I ask my self all these questions and still kinda feel like I want another one. If it's not a boy, oh well, I still be done after 4, lol! For sure...

 

MNMOM - May 22

Crystal you are so funny! I think the reason this is so much on my mind is due to the "biological clock" thing.....I am 33 and my DH will be 36 on Saturday. Our 2 boys are 4 years apart, but if we decide to have any more, it needs to be sooner than later! Ideally, that would mean getting pg in Oct and having another June baby so that the last 2 kids are 2 yrs apart.....well, OCT isnt so far away really!!!

 

BiancaM - May 22

I have one, a 9 month old boy. Growing up I always wanted 5, that just seemed like the perfect number. Probably because I was an only child, I always wanted a big family. Now I'm pregnant with #2 and I'm thinking to myself... do you really want to go through this again and again? I guess I shouldn't complain, I'm blessed but so so exhausted. I think I won't have #3 until my first two are in school and hey by that time maybe I won't want more who knows.

 

Crystal83 - May 22

MNMOM, I know how you feel. I keep saying to my DH if we are going to have another one it needs to be soon. I always said I would be done having kids before I was 27,I'm 25 now, mainly because I had my first when I was 17 and I don't want my kids to be more then 10 years apart. I also want to enjoy my late 30's and early 40's because I spent my younger years raising kids.

 

docbytch - May 23

Well...lemme see. My dd was born in 1986. I was 19. Swore the day she was born that she would be IT. She WAS it....for 21 years that is. Then...I got married in 2003 for the first time to a guy with two kids...and it seemed right for us to have one of our own. He got a reversal done and I got knocked up almost immediately. DS was born last Oct. I was 40. He WILL likely be IT....for I don't have that many years in front of me to ponder this....and we are both strongly leaning in the direction of NO more kids. I guess it could change....but I don't want to be spitting babies out at age 45. 42 is likely as old as I wanna get if it's ever gonna happen again...altho probably...it won't.

 

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