Is Anyone Else Out There Unable To Breast Feed

17 Replies
margie - August 13

i feel so bummed out...my daughter is already 8 months but i still feel like a failure that i was never able to do it. there were several factors i think that came into play that made it not work for us...but i just want to know that im not the only one?

 

clindholm - August 13

Hi Margie- I also had a very difficult time with my lo and only lasted 3 months. It's not as easy as people make it seem and I wish the lactation consultants and everyone would just level with us! My dd was a 4lb preemie that in retrospect, I feel she had some serious sucking problems. I am now 23 weeks with #2 and of course will do my best this time around again. I also will not beat myself up about it this time if it doesn't work out for us. I also work full time so that makes it more difficult as well. What sort of factors do you feel led to not being able to b___stfeed for you? You really have to lose the guilt, it's not like your baby won't eat! Colleen

 

margie - August 13

Oh I know she is totally healthy and doing wonderful, I just feel like I missed out on something and missed the bonding of b___stfeeding...and financially it would be so much easier on us too. I am also working full time and it would make it really difficult, thats very true. My daughter was in distress due to meconium in the womb and she was pretty sick for one thing, she wouldn't hold down any food even from a bottle, they were worried about her oxygen levels being low so they kept her in the nursery overnight and the nurses at the hospital didnt have much patience for trying to help me b___stfeed and after a while when she wouldnt latch on they would just automatically take her to bottle feed her and give up on us...ive also had surgery on my b___sts which probably caused some problems....my daughter refused to drink my b___st milk even when i pumped it into a bottle, but i couldn't even pump very much at all...i got so upset by her screaming like she was hurting everytime i would try to feed her that my let down wouldn't happen...i also have flat nipple shape and i tried a shield but could never get it to work right...its just a number of issues. I guess I shouldn't get so down because I tried as much as I could for a few weeks, I would always offer the b___st first before the bottle but she didnt want it. I'm glad to know at least I'm not the only one out there....I've had some people make me feel pretty bad about it. Next time I'll try again and hope that we'll get lucky.

 

Whitney - August 13

Oh Margie that sucks, but you are not the only one. My story is similar to yours, my daughter was in distress when born last month due to the cord being very tight around her neck & she was in NICU for 24 hours because of low oxygen levels as well. The nurses started giving her a bottle without even advising me & I didn't get a chance to attempt to BF until she was 2 days old. For a month now I have pumping & feed b___st milk & formula 50/50 as I CANNOT get her to latch right at all, I still try to latch her on once a day & it never works, so I don't even know why I bother ... after developing a b___st infection after 2 weeks of trying & cracked bleeding nipples I had to throw in the towel & stop. But I don't understand why something so natural is so hard, & the weird thing is I BF my son who's now 3 years old until 11 months with no problem at all. At least we tried right? Some mom's don't even bother because god forbid - they can't drink or smoke anymore, they think they can't go out as much or are worried about getting saggy b___bs. At least we gave it a real good shot & that's what makes me feel better.

 

mjvdec01 - August 13

Me too. I have thyroid deisease, and suffer from very low supply. I don't have enough milk ducts to hold what a baby would need. Our 2nd child will be 4 weeks tomorrow and I was only able to b___stfeed for the first two weeks, then pretty much would get maybe an ounce if that. I had the same problem with our first, so I was expecting the same issue. I had a lot of guilt with not being able to BF our daughter, but now she is two and a half and perfectly healthy. Both she and our little boy have gotten all of my colostrum, plus some milk, so I have to be thankful for that. I so wish it would have been different, but I can't dwel on it. It is however, a bummer that good formula is so expensive.

 

Malica - August 14

Layer 1 = 0 + x Layer 2 = 1/4(200 + x) = 50 + x/4 Layer 3 = I had supply issues -- no real known cause, but it was beaten into me at our prenatal cla__ses (not to mention everywhere else you go!) that b___st is best, b___st is best. Our instructor kept saying that it's possible for everyone to b___stfeed and that you just need to get more help or try harder, or whatever. What a load of crock that was, and I'm sorry I bought into it. My daughter was starting to show signs of dehydration on day 3 because my supply was too low, and was almost checked into the hospital. I did this routine of bf'ing for 10 min per b___st, then supplementing with formula, then pumping both b___sts for 20 minutes to try to stimulate production but after a whole month of doing that (which would take about 1-1.5 hours out of every 2.5-3), I said enough is enough! I asked my doctor about Domperidone -- the prescription meds that often causes an increase in b___st milk although that's not what it's officially approved for. Because it's not approved for use in BF'ing moms (and hasn't ever been properly studied for that), he wouldn't prescribe it for me. He pointed out that our generation was mostly bottle-fed anyway, and we turned out just fine! I'm not anti-b___stfeeding, but I'm anti-pro-b___stfeeding, if that makes any sense. The message about BFing these days is so strong that I know I'm not the only one who lost sight of the fact that having a fed baby is more important than having a baby who's fed only b___stmilk.

 

Malica - August 14

Oops -- sorry about the math at the start of that, I'd written my reply in notepad then pasted it, forgetting I already had something in the notepad doc_ment. :)

 

Kiersten - August 14

I agree with Malica. I'm all for BFing and we were thankfully able to do it for almost 7 months, but I found myself feeling so guilty when we had to stop (was pregnant w/ #2 and it affected supply) until I looked at my son who was very happy, gaining weight, and still was close to momma. I think it's great if you're able to (and it certainly is cheaper!) but there is NO reason in the world to beat yourself up over it. I got some pretty rude comments on "not being able to hold out" when my ds weaned himself and let it bother me for a while. BUT, my son is gaining, happy all the time, sleeping through the night and it has in no way affected our relationship. Win win for everybody. Don't feel bummed MARGIE. You did your best and honestly what more can you expect from yourself? It is disappointing in a way, but there's plenty of bonding to be done through the bottle and now dh gets to help out with that which he LOVES. He told me that he was always a bit jealous of the connection between ds and I and now he's able to feel helpful and like he's a part of that. :)

 

Astra - August 14

Margie, I had a lot of problems with b___stfeeding. It took a long time for my milk to come in and my little guy was very hungry so we supplemented right away, then he had some difficulty latching and my supply was too low for him, I started pumping like a maniac but still had problems b___st feeding which had me so depressed, finally I just stuck to pumping which I did until he was 3 months. He does GREAT on formula and I don't feel bad at all. I think that it's wonderful if you can b___stfeed but it's not for everyone and it is often difficult, complicated and stressful, so it is so much better to have a relaxed mom and well fed baby then a b___stfed baby. That is my opinion.

 

s_xyoreojr07 - August 31

i have tryed b___stfeeding with all 3 of my boys and each time has gotten lil better. my 1st son i couldnt get to take it . my 2nd son was in the nursery for 8 days and i couldnt stay with him so it was hard to b___st feed because he got confussed, then i tryed pumping but couldnt get enough out. then with my 3rd son he latched on and drank ok but it wasnt allowing him to gain weight he was 5'7' at birth n went down to 4'13' so he stayed for 10 days. the nurses think theres something wrong with my b___st milk. so i had to switch to formula feeding.

 

ACG - September 1

Wow, I wish I'd read all this when my son was first born. I about killed myself trying to b___st feed. I got him to latch just fine, but he didn't suck hard enough to get anything out. When his weight fell too much, the lactation consultant had me pump and bottle feed. For 6 weeks, every feeding, I b___st fed for up to 45 minutes, bottle fed and then pumped. I had a difficult time pumping very much, so we had to supplement with formula too. I tried taking fenugreek, domperidone and a third medication (I forget the name). None of it increased my supply. Finally, I was at my wits end on the phone with the lact. consultant. She gave me permission to quit trying and just "go an enjoy my baby," as she put it. I was so relieved, and life was much more enjoyable after that, but I did feel guilty for a long time after. My son's 6 months now. He's happy and healthy. I get really annoyed at the formula commercials that say "If you choose not to b___st feed and to feed formula..." I don't feel like it was a choice, unless you consider that the other option would have been letting him starve.

 

margie - September 5

ACG- I agree! I don't think that I know very many mothers who feed formula by "choice" when they are newborns. It's usually because we try and it didn't work out. This really does make me feel better though to know that there are others who tried all they could and in the end, it didn't work out. Society seems to act like your a bad mom if you don't b___stfeed, I can't believe how many people asked me (including men!!!) if I was b___stfeeding and when I would say no they would say things about how its so much better for babies--duh! Then I'd have to go into the whole reason why, as if I had to defend myself! I am glad this thread can help us moms know that we're not alone!

 

joeysmom - September 5

Hello Margie, My son is 7 1/2 months and b___stfeeding didn't work out for us either. I b___stfed my first son for 7 months. I am still a bit sad that it didn't work out with my second, I feel that the bond was much stronger with my first and still to this day anytime I notice something with him I say "maybe that's why he wouldn't b___stfeed." He is probably my last child, and that also makes me sad. But... just so everyone knows, he has only had one cold. My first son was only b___stfed (no formula at all) Until 7 months and he had a cough that he couldn't get rid of for about 4 months. He had ear infections all the time, pink eye... and so on and so on. So... my second (only had b___stmilk for 2 weeks) has been a healthier baby!!!

 

margie - September 6

joeysmom--interesting about the health of your baby because my daughter has never been really sick and she is 9 months now, she has had sniffles for a couple of days once and a fever for a day before her first tooth came out, but thats it! no ear infection or really bad cold or flu

 

evae777 - September 8

Margie, for as long as i have seen you on these forums, you are one of the hardest working moms out there, u sacrificed your time staying home with the baby to work to provide for your partner to stay home with her. that is a big sacrifice. i wasnt able to b___st feed either and felt terrible as i had some friends and others make me feel like they were doing so much better because they could b___stfeed. but my son is healthier and more advanced than all of them. i got over the b___stfeeding thing especially after seeing how happy and well he is. i pumped b___st milk like a cow hooked onto a machine and barely supplied more than half of what he needed. anyways, this got lengthy but back to my point. i think you are a great mom and a great partner to your fiance so don't let it get to you!

 

GloriaD - September 8

I also for various reasons have not been able to b___stfeed any of my three kids for any length of time and they're all perfectly normal, healthy and happy! BUT, for the last 8+ years its definitely been a sore issue with me. So much emphasis is put on whether or not you're b___stfeeding, like that is the only way to gauge new moms. People don't ask how you parent, what you feed them, if you interact/love/cuddle with your baby. Maybe its the lack of importence in your child's life, like the fact that the baby can be fed and in turn bond with anyone, not just mom. As far as health, I don't think its all that. My hubby has allergies and I don't, we were both bottlefed. Neither one of us is overweight. We're active. My kids aren't allergic to anything other than gra__s/hay. They get a cold bug usually a couple of times a year but they attended preschool, the YMCA, and then public school. The older they get the less they seem to catch. We're all fairly intelligent (I did make it through college!), so no-go there too. My doctor said to me that my babies need a happy mommy much more than they need b___stmilk, so why don't people just let everyone choose what is best for them and then any personal opinions can be kept just that. Its just awful that we can't relax and enjoy the babies without all this guilt. So if you drink 3 mochas a day and don't eat because you're afraid of gaining weight but you b___stfeed you're a better mom? Come on people!! Why do we have to excuse the fact that we're not b___stfeeding anyway? Some people just don't want to, it doesn't mean they're drug addicts or selfish, but they're not any less of a mom. Sorry for the rant but seriously why did I feel like I had to hide my formula bottles when shopping with my newborn daughter in fear of what others might think? Thanks Margie for posting about this!!!

 

drea - September 8

I just wanted to chime in and give my 2 cents on this topic. I have a 2 yr old daughter who was not b___stfed at all. She has also never really been sick except for few sniffles. No ear infections or anything like that and has never needed to take any antibiotics ever. She has been over the 90th percentile in all three areas since 2 months old and is extremely bright, so that being said, although b___stmilk is the best thing, its ok if you cant do it or choose not to. It is your choice and your choice only for whatever reason, its noone elses business. Besides, the formula today is so close to b___stmilk.

 

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