Just For Laughs

5 Replies
ash2 - February 27

Quickie #1 One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very s_xy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went fishing. Quickie #2 A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,** **"Honey, pack your bags.** **I won the damn lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach** **stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the h__l out." Quickie # 3 Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, **and the other is a husband. Quickie #4 A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:** **'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." Quickie #5 Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of **chardonnay." Quickie #6 A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my*GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful...CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind?** Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.

 

Deirdra - February 27

OMG! thats SO funny...i nearly peed myself at the last one!!!

 

ninaatk - February 27

LMAO!! Those are great!! Love the lottery one!

 

sahmof3 - February 28

ROFL!!

 

Rabbits07 - February 28

Too funny! Only I feel like the husband in the last one. My dh drives me nuts if I drive when we go somewhere.

 

CyndiG - February 28

I have one....A man walks up to a woman in a bar, says in a s_xy voice, I'll do ANYTHING you want me to do for $20, but you have to ask with only three words. She says ANYTHING? He says yes ANYTHING. She reached into her purse, pulls out $20, seductively puts it in his hand, and whispers in his ear......Clean my house. LOL! HAHAHA! :O}

 

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