MIL Vent

10 Replies
melissa g. - August 3

thanks in advance for letting me vent! sooo, a couple of things. The brother of my dh is getting married next week, and the wedding is on an island (we live in the Northwest) that involves a 1/2 hr ferry ride. I had NOT planned on bringing my 6 month old dd. The wedding is at 4 pm, we would be there at least until 8 or 9 PM and then getting home would take an hour -- i had planned on having my mom watch her at our house, put her to sleep at her bedtime (6:30pm) and then wait for us until we got home. Oh -- we have to be at the wedding site ( a private home) at noon, b/c dh is in the wedding and I am NOT doing the ferry by myself. Anyhoo, taking the baby would be a HUGE outing for her, I will have to carry her all day practically, dont know where she will nap, it is all going be a big pain in the booty for me and my baby. Well my MIL had a meltdown when I said I hadnt planned on bringing the baby -- tears, the whole thing. I felt bad so I relented. But now I feel very manipulated. Why should my baby be imposed on to satisfy a few relatives who will pat her on the head for a few minutes and then go back to the main event -- The Wedding??? I wrote her an email saying that my DH and I were the parents and that in the future, decisions we make about what we feel is appropriate for our child need to be respected and she acknowledged that but, but she is still getting her way at the expense of myself and the baby! argh. OH, and today she said how her niece got to chew on chicken bones when she was a toddler and how fun that was for her and I nearly passed out. OMG, chicken bones? choking hazard????? sigh. She is also very pushy in general -- baby is too cold, baby is hungry blah blah -- you know, one of those types. I sense a big blowup in our future and I am not looking forward to that. My dh is the non-confrontational sort but I am thinking he is going to have to stand up to her soon. We already agreed to take dd to the wedding, so I'm not sure that there is much solution at this point but I just wanted to vent to you guys.

 

Jenn2 - August 3

that is TOTALLY my situation! My MIL is a pushy worry wort, and ( I know this sounds mean, but gets on my nearves a bit). My husband is also the non-confrontational type, and NEVER stands up to her. Its really annying. All I can say is I talk to my husband about it alot, and sometimes it does some good, and he will attempt to speak up, and other times he still wont. I guess thats all we can do since it is their personalities. As far as your baby goes......I would do what you want, and explain to your MIL nicely why you are doing it that way. If she doesnt understand.....then thats her problem, and you did NOTHING wrong for looking out for your baby. I wish you the best.

 

HannahBaby - August 3

i dont blame you on the whole wedding issue, we took our 7 month old daughter to a wedding that i was in last august and it was a total disaster. We brought her because we had no choice, we had no one to watch her. It was a huge ordeal and i will never do it again. My husband and i didnt enjoy ourselves at all because we were dealing with a cranky baby whom didnt have a place to nap. We ended up leaving early. Your day sounds like its going to be alot longer than mine was and i think that you should reconsider reconsidering. You know what is best for your baby.

 

kvilendrer - August 3

You are totally justified for being angry! She has no right to do that. You are the parents and you get to make the decisions. I had some problems with my dh's family. I had told his older sister (she's 50) not to give my son ice cream b/c he was only 6 months and we didn't want him having sugar at that time. As soon as I turned my back, she fed it to him. I threw a fit! And her daughter (who is 23 and has a baby of her own) is always telling me how to do things better. So I blew up at both of them and told them that I was his parent and I did not want their opinions. So keep their mouth shut unless I ask for their opinions. And I also don't think that just b/c you already told her that you would take your daughter to the wedding, that you should have to. If it is best for you and your daughter to leave her with your mom, you have the right to make that decision...even if you did already tell her you would take your daughter. She needs to understand that it is your child, therefore your decision!

 

Jenb - August 3

Oh no! All I can say is that if you bring your baby to the wedding you'll be sorry. You'll have a miserable time and probably won't have much help b/c DH is in the wedding and must attend to other things. I did this before and we all ended up in tears at the end of the night. My DD stayed out too long with no where to nap and screamed and screamed the whole way home and I cried b/c I felt horrible that I put her in the situation and made her go through that. If anything just tell your MIL that it is not fair to put your DD through that.

 

krnj - August 3

I can totally relate!! My mil is a pushy worry wart too as Jenn2 said it best! My dh won't stand up to her either. She could insult me and he wouldn't say a word!! Anyway I would just tell her that your dd is going to have to stay home. Maybe have your mil out to see her another time or something? Good luck with whatever you decide! Let us know how it goes!

 

Jodi - August 4

all I'm going to say is, you are going to be dealing with one cranky baby! You do what you think is best and if that involves baby staying with you mom well then so be it, MIL will get over it! you're the mommy you do what you want!

 

kr - August 4

It's all up to you. There is no reason to take the baby unless your MIL is planning to sit with her the WHOLE time. You can just tell her you re-thought it and realized that weddings aren't always appropriate places for babies...and out of respect for the wedding party you don't want to bring her. You and your DH will be better guests for everyone and your LO won't take attention away from the event.

 

melissa g. - August 4

ladies, you guys ROCK, thanks so much for all your support! I showed all these posts to my DH, he is going to talk with his mom.

 

Leahp - August 4

Hey Melissa, At least she handled your e-mail in a kindly manner, I had just been through a similar situation dealing with respect in all and got my head taken off, and a few weeks have pa__sed and my MIL and I still haven't spoken what ever that means. But if you have someone to watch your baby, take that opportunity!!! Weddings are a great date night for you and hubby anyways. Nothing like free food, drinks and dancing and a room filled with romance. My hubby and I love going to weddings, we always have that little spark at the end of the night too, cheesy, I know!!!!

 

Shea - August 4

It should be your decision to take or not take your baby to the wedding. I don't agree that it is a guaranteed disaster though, especially since there will probably be lots of relatives there to help. We are actually taking our 6 month old to a wedding next weekend ( I am in the wedding), and I know there will be several other babies there also (one only 3 weeks old). I don't anticipate any problems, since ds is a very laid back baby and I have taken him to several things like that without problems. My MIL offered to watch our son, but since other people are bringing their babies too, I would just as soon take him.

 

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