Mother Worse Nightmare My Thoughts Are Going Crazy

39 Replies
kristie h - March 6

Hi Ladies, i am 12 weeks pregnant and woundering if its just my hormones going hackers but latley i have been paniking over any mums worse nightmare. Some time last year there was an 8 year old girl murdered in the toilets in the shopping center in western Australia. At some stage there was a rumour going around Australia that one of the boys who was involved in the jamie buldger murder in the UK in the 1980's was the guy that murderd the 8 year old girl in western Australia. Back when jamie buldger was murderd i would of been 5 or so so it was DH that filled me in on what happend to that poor boy the worse mistake DH did was show me articals of his murder on the net. Now my son is reaching nearly 3 i fear that somthing is going to happen. Somtimes when i look at my son doing somthing i think that poor boy would of been doing the same thing at that age. I look at how inersent DS is and how many people will take advantage of that but to him what ever someone does its all fun and games. I think i am more scared that i dont have contoll over the future and i just pray that my son burrys me 1st. Am i crazy, please tell me i am not the only the that worries about this sort of thing.


Hi - March 6

Aww hun your not crazy.My husband died 5 yrs. ago at age 23.Was so very traumatic I saw it all and was burned trying to save him.I saved my sons.But I felt like such a huge failure when he pa__sed away.And then the fear came.I've felt like a sitting duck ever since.Praying that I never find myself in a situation like that with it being one of my sons.I just couldn't live with myself knowing I let them down.I've always been scared of kidnappers and pedifiles too.It's the fear of not being able to protect them and the thought that someone could hurt someone that means the world to me scares the hell outta me.Like I said it's been 5yrs. I'm a little better but when you see someone you love so happy and full of life gone in the blink of an eye.It just shakes you up knowing how fast you or anyone you love can be gone.So no your not alone.If your crazy then thats makes two of us,lol.Take care and God bless.


Emily - March 6

I think every mother fears that at one point in time. The key is not ot let it control your every hour. It is probably worse that you are pregnant. Your hormones are running wild and soon you will have two to worry about. You may look up Mellissa. She posted something about this last week I think. Maybe it will help to talk to someone who has the same fears. Don't get me wrong, I worry all the time but I try to relax and know I am doing all I can do to protect them. I had a m/c in 05. That was as closest to losing a child as I ever got. I was depressed for the longest time. I couldn't imagine what it would be like to lose one of my girls who are hear and healthy. I think they would have to commit me. I stay strong for my girls. They are the reason I worry, yet at the same time they are the reason I stay sane. Doesn't make any sense does it? Keep strong for your boy and your pregnancy. (Try not to listen to rumors, they really make things worse. In fact I have a hard time watching the news at all sometimes! Scary stuff happens all the time and it freaks me out!)


Mellissa - March 6

kristie... like Emily said, I have the exact same fears as you. I'm not sure how bad yours is, but I posted a thread called "fear of something terrible happening"... you can read it to see the magnitude of my phobia (yes, i think I'd call it a phobia, rather than a fear). My husband doesn't get the extent of it, so it's hard to talk to him about it, especially since part of it is my fear of something happening to him. But like you, i watch this stuff on the news, or hear it on the radio and I literally cry when i think of those poor kids, and pray that their parents had the strength to get through it, although i don't think I would. I can't even watch movie if a child is in danger.. I saw "Zodiac" the other night and started having an anxiety attack during one scene that involved a baby. Same thing with "Crash". I'm in the process of looking for a therapist that has openings, but I know that I'm always going to have some's normal when you're a mother.. I just hope to lower my fears to a more reasonable level. And HI....I am so sorry to hear about your husband!! I live with the fear of something happening to mine everyday since he's in the military, I just couldn't imagine having the strength to go on without him. I admire you, I really do!


mandee25 - March 7

There is something called PPOCD-postpartum obsessive compulsive disorder. I was reading up on it when I came across it from this very site. You may not have that but it wouldn't hurt to look into it. I think every good mom worries about their children but if the fear becomes a daily thing you struggle with it could be a form of PPOCD.


mosley12 - March 7

so after reading this, and finding out the story of jamie bulger, i put my son in my room to sleep last night and had a knife in the had duty, so wasnt home, and i kept hearing weird noises..i was


Mellissa - March 7

it makes you want to sleep with your kids all the time, doesn't it mosley? i seriously get up to check on the kids every couple of hours until they finally come to bed with me. and Chad's leaving on Friday to go to South Carolina for 6 weeks.. needless to say the kids and i will be staying at my mom's while he's gone. :)


kristie h - March 7

Mosley, i watch every kid with my son as to what those kids did to jamie. Its scary to think that kids think babies are dolls and treat them like dolls like those boys did. I realy only use to watch adults but this story has changed the way i look after my son. It freaks me out so much i cry over it, the thing that affects me most at this age is that what ever happens to a child they may get hurt cry a little then get up to play as thats what the toddler thinks is happening. Its so sad how people can think about taking advantage of any kid and whats more scary is there are people out there willing to cut their lives way way to short. Mel, we should have a good chat, if you dont mind can i open a thread posted to you? I think i may need help, murders never botherd me will i read this story and its not that i think about it all the time but when i do i freak out and i cant stop crying.


Mellissa - March 7

I am definitely right there with you Kristie. like i said, i can't even watch a movie if something happens to a child. whenever i hear about kids getting killed, i cry as if i lost my own child. Maybe talking to other people with the same fears will help us a little bit.


kristie h - March 7

Thanks mel, Ds is awake so i will post the thread soon, its nice to have someone to talk to and not thinking i am crazy. Hugs


melissa g. - March 7

hey another melissa here (with only one "L"), i feel the same way as the other Mellissa! I cant watch anything on tv or movies adversely involving children anymore, if I see something I start to cry and start generally freaking out. My dh went away on a 2 day trip and I started freaking out about him (in my mind, not to him), what would i do without him. or my dd? i worry all the time. i have had anxiety for yrs, and now that i have had my dd, it seems to have gotten worse. I was on meds (Lexapro) for awhile but I have a bladder condition and the Lexapro irritated it (turns out this drug can really irritate the bladder) so I discontinued it -- but while I was on it, I felt much less stressed. I am going to try and find another med I can tolerate b/c I am heartily tired of dealing with my chronic anxiety! Anyhoo, you are not alone! Hang in there!


Miriam - March 7

Oh thank G-d, i'm not the only crazy one. I am consumed by these fears. When we had the e-coli beak out and that little boy died, i was sick about it for months. Everyday after my son would fall asleep i would lay there next to him and think about this. It was almost like a movie playing in my head of what it must have been like for that family. Oh and i totally get the zodiac reference. i was ready to walk out until i realized the baby is alive (sorry if i spoiled it for anyone). i can go on and on about this because its just so bad. I've thought about getting help, but i don't want to get medicated. I swear some days i wish i never had my son because of this. I am just so terrified of loosing him.


mosley12 - March 7

hey girls, do you think i could join the freaking out thread?? dh is always on me as much as i not as bad now, he says, but its mostly cause i keep alot of it to myself. when i would go to the store, i would call and ask if he was ok and dh would be like yes, than id make him get up and make sure he was know i shouldnt worry like i do, as i live on a military base and we have excellent security..and talking just now reminded me of what i found out about a pediatrician at my drs. office.!!


hello - March 8

I watched the movie about hannibal lector, the beginning.....c___ppy movie.... For a couple of nights i would think about the little girl and how she was thrown in the pot to be eaten........ they show nothing of it but all i could think of was my little girl........ I love thrillers and horrors etc but that thought stayed for a while.......... its common as i often look at my little one and hope i can always protect her while she is this little......


Jennifer28 - March 8

I used to LOVE scary movies, too but can no longer watch them. Has anyone ever seen "The Hills Have Eyes"? I saw just a few minutes of it and had to stop when it got to the part w/ the baby. Apparently there are two versions of the movie - an original and the new version I watched a little bit of. It is absolutely awful. It is so amazing how much motherhood changes people - especially women. I swear I wake up 3-4 times a night to check on my lo. Annabelle slept thru the night last night and although it is a small blessing since I have to be up for work, I kind of missed our nighttime feeding and talking to her and snuggling with her. Not to mention I was up about twice as many times checking on her, lol. DH is leaving town at the end of the month for the weekend and I think my dog, dd and I are going to stay w/ my parents... HI- I am so sorry about your husband! What a terrible tragedy to have experienced. I could not even imagine my state of mind - even 5 yrs later. You sound like such a strong person. I don't think you should consider yourself a failure at all! You sound pretty heroic to me. {{BIG HUGS}}... MELLISSA- DH has an "annual" fishing trip in Texas every year and he leaves for a week. I begged him not to go this year and he thankfully obliged. I don't think my heart could've handled the stress of the night fear I would've felt w/o him there. 6 weeks is such a long time - I can't say I blame you for staying w/ family!... Don't worry ladies. We can't ALL be crazy, right? I think it is perfectly normal to have some fear as long as we're not totally obsessing.


Mellissa - March 8

Wow... as much as i hate having the fear and paranoia i have, I am sooo glad to see I'm not alone in this!!! I actually looked up the ppocd info that mandee25 was talking about.. and I wouldn't be surprised if i was diagnosed with it. I use to live so freely and not worry about the unknown, but in the past few years death has become so real to me.... and the possibility of losing someone i love so much seriously makes me break down. It helps so much to have you ladies to talk to about it!!! Miriam-didn't that part in Zodiac make you almost lose your mind? I sat with my face in chad's shoulder until i heard the baby crying. Everyone around me probably thought I was a complete nutjob! I haven't seen the other movies, but horror movies have not been on my list of things to see lately.


Miriam - March 8

i got mad at the director at first for puting that part in. I looked at my husband like "are you kidding me? that's all i need to obsess about". also OT, i know it was normal in those days but i couldn't believe she was driving with the baby in the front seat and then smoking right in her face. Anyway, so what's the verdict here. Do we need help or is this normal motherly behavior? Cause I've asked some of my girlfriends and they don't have these gruesome visuals that i do.



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