Need Help Supporting Hubby Through A Death

5 Replies
luviduvi - March 13

My dh's friend passed away on his motorcycle last night. He was riding w/ his uncle and brother when a deer ran out in front of him. He was a wonderful man. Always smiling, always polite, and good enough of a man that I wanted to set my sister up with him. He never rode his bike like a maniac, just a rider for the ride. He is someone that my dh has rode with for many years. He will be missed. Its hard b/c we have a Harley Davidson FatBoy (which is how we met) and a Big Dog Chopper. Right now, our thoughts are about much more than just our friend at's about our own mortality. Riding season is here more or less and dh isn't sure about keeping his bikes. I am okay w/ that really b/c I don't ride much b/c of our kids. But, I don't want dh to sell the bikes unless he truly wants to. I have always felt safe on the back of a bike until I had my children. BTW, I never rode until I met my dh, my girlfriends and I were on a benefit in a friends convertable when I "saw" my future dh.......WOW he looked GOOD! The bikes mean a lot to us in that way. I don't know what I am asking here. Maybe for some of you to share some stories? Anything...... P.S. Me and my dh aren't leather wearing Hells Angels...................heehee. We just like to ride


kellens mom - March 13

I would just point out that emotions are running really high right now. It is best not to make any rash decisions until thoughts are clearer. Right now, you should take time to appreciate the wonderful qualities that your friend had and know that he died while doing something that he really enjoyed. I am sorry for your loss...I hope he did not leave a wife or children to mourn for him.


Kara H. - March 14

My close friend's BIL died when a racoon ran out in front of him. He laid down his bike and his friend he was riding with ran over him... I could give you about 6 other stories of people I know who have died or become disabled in motorcycle accidents. I would be hard pressed to give you three stories of people I know who have died in auto accidents, let alone six. My hubby used to have bike and would love to have another one, but we both feel very strongly that we will not own another one until Max (and any other future children) are grown and out of the house. We personally feel it is very selfish to put yourself at risk when their are little ones that are counting on you to be around to help them grow up.


ash2 - March 14

Luviduvi, we have lost many, many friends on bikes seeing as though we too ride bikes as well. However we ride the opposite that you do, " crotch rockets " , just have to remember to watch for the cars because they do not watch for you. Im so soory for your loss, you will be in my thoughts and prayers...


LollyM - March 14

i'm sorry luviduvi, I hope everyone does ok with this. I know it's hard to have things like this happen around you. I agree with kellens mom that your dh should heal from this before making any big decisions, but I can also say that motorcycles really are dangerous. My best friend's dad spun out on an onramp riding a street racing bike. We are still not sure why he was on a racing bike going onto the freeway... but in anycase, it was a big loss to her and her younger brother. She was 17 at the time, and he was 15.


kris313 - March 14

One of the guys dh rides with was in a horrible accident with a semi last summer. He survived, but he'll never be able to ride again. I was worried every time dh went out after that, afraid the same thing would happen to him (I couldn't ride then because I was pregnant). He didn't have the same fear and still wanted to ride. We talked about it and agreed on some guidelines - he doesn't ride alone at night, he doesn't ride up to the cabin alone EVER (too many animals), he doesn't ride with guys that think its okay to go to the bar for several hours and then ride. We also spent a nice chunk of change on new pipes so I know people will hear him coming! I feel better about it now, but not totally at ease. We both have strong feelings about destiny and faith, so I try to keep those things in mind. Regarding the death - give him lots of hugs and let him come to you to talk about it. My dh's mom died a couple of years ago and it took him a couple of months before he could talk about it. Part of it was because he felt he needed to be strong to help me through my grief. Part of it was that he didn't really know how to process his feelings. One day he just walked into the kitchen and let it all out.



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