Need Some Advice-pg114718907218

11 Replies
sxymamma - May 9

My 5 month old went and stayed with his dad from Thursday until sunday. When he got back, he did not want to come to me, he cried and reached for his dad. When I would try to play or talk to him, he would scream. He screamed and threw tantrums after his dad left and he continued to ignore me. This has been going on since he got back Sunday. He also screamed all day at daycare yesterday. His dad told me that he didnt cry once while he was with him and his family. Now keep in mind, Im the primary caregiver, his dad lives 3 hours away and is in law school. It has hurt my feelings because I feel as if he doesnt want to be with me and that he prefers being with his dad and family. Am I right, what else could be wrong???

 

YC - May 9

Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. I didnt realize that baby's had a preference at such a young age. I hope things get better. Could it be teething or something else that is bothering him? How often does he see his dad?

 

JEN - May 9

Hey sxymamma- I am no expert, but it sounds to me like maybe he is just a little confused and maybe frustrated. I also have a 5 month old, and he is very in tune with what is going on around him. Your ds has gone from being with you to staying with dad, and then to daycare...he's probably just wondering what the heck is going on with all of these changes, and maybe he is feeling a little insecure...? Don't worry, I really don't think he is upset with you, or that he necessarily prefers dad. Just keep rea__suring him, and I'm sure he will get back to his old self soon. Take care!

 

Rabbits07 - May 9

I agree with jen that baby is probably just confused and frustrated. It is a sometimes difficult experience for older children when parents live apart and there are visitation arrangements and babies are no different. Your baby's only way of communicating is by his actions. While it may seem that it's you he is frustrated with I'm sure it is just the unfamiliarness of the whole situation (4 days is a long time for a 5 month old to be away from mommy). I am also like YC and wonder how often he sees dad?

 

sxymamma - May 9

thanks, that was his first time being gone away from me for that lenght of time. and yes YC, he is pretty aware for his age-its crazy but he has a preference for what swing he wants to sit in at daycare. Myabe youre right Jen, I think that maybe it might be a little confusing for him with all the changes.

 

hello - May 10

Hi i take it like me you are a single mom. My babies dad lives half an hr away. No way she would sleep there and he knows that already. I couldnt dare part with her even tho she has me up early, its familiarity, your baby feels safe with you, knows his bed etc etc and thats why my baby is staying put... I wont let her sleep overnite at my moms yet as i am scared it will affect her and make her unsettled, later when she is bigger she can sleep at grandmas, not dads though.. Its hard if he lives so far away, the ex i mean, i would suggest if he has to sleep over then one nite is well and truly enuff, he is too young or maybe ex could stay at ur house if things are civil so baby can be in his environment, is this just a one off? If its going to be once every two weeks then u cant suffer for it, i am making sure my life and her life arent affected...... Think about changing it cause he is only 5 mths and no doubt confused as the others said............

 

nic nac - May 11

what do you think is a good age for babies to spend the night out Hello?

 

hello - May 12

nic nac its a personal preference, with regard to my daughter, i would be ok with it when she is old enough to understand whats going on and i can ask her, would u like to sleep at grandmas tonight so i guess we are looking at the age of 2 onwards.... Thats what i will do i think...........

 

sxymamma - May 12

As far as it goes for me and sending my baby to stay with his dad, I'm comfortable with it. I want him to learn how to be able to go with others and not cry or have a fit. I dont want my baby to be clingy, know only me and not want to go with others. I live in a city where I dont have any family or real friends, the closest family member is 2 hrs away. So if something happens to me or if I have to go in the hospital, etc..I want my baby to be able to stay with his dad. His dad and I have a good relationship as parents and his dad is a very good dad. If I cant trust my baby with his dad, then I cant trust my baby with anyone. And my baby's fine now, by Tuesday morning he was back to himself. I think that he was either confused or mad with me. But its something that he and I will have to adjust to because he is going to see his dad every two weeks. This is because I want him to know his dad and his side of the family and there are times when I need a break or some time to myself. Believe me, I want to keep him all to myself, but his dad is just as important as I am in his life and I want him to know that. His father is 25, just finished law school and I am 27 and I work full time-his father is young but we are trying to provide as close to a nuclear family for my son as we can get.

 

Shea - May 12

I would agree it's a personal preference, hello, but with her own father? My stepsons were 3 mos and 5 yrs when my husband and their mom divorced, and they always stayed with him a couple nights a week. I can't imagine how much he would have missed out on if that had not been the case. They are now 13 & 18 yrs and have a great relationship with him. I would want the same for our son if we divorced. I know it would be hard for me - but best for them.

 

sara b - May 12

I told my DD's father he could have her overnight once she was a year. I actually stayed there with her a few times to get her used to it and she would go there for a day to play. A few times he would come to my place and spend the night just to be with her and help me out for a night. If you are on good enough terms I recommend staying there for a few days to see what is different between your styles of parenting and work out a mutual agreement of how to parent so that transitions between houses are easier. Set regular bedtimes and naptimes, feedings, and changes. Bath times and play times, too. A schedule will make your baby feel less insecure because he will know what to expect next. Good luck.

 

hello - May 13

Shea if my baby isnt staying at her dads then there are reasons... He has 2 other kids from his first marriage and when once every 2 weeks would roll around he would go out with me sometimes and his mom would have them ... They were 7 and 9 or so and would be up till one or so in the morning with him there and without him there... Between him and his mom they have no clue... Right now if my baby stayed he would be out with his partner and grandma would be minding her..... Thats why she doesnt stay there, he is not a doting dad u could say.... Never has been and never will be, i thought as u do he will be different with me, he has walked out on 4 kids so far so if someone wont leave them at 'her own fathers' obviously there are serious reasons, as i said i would love a break and a sleep in, so there u have it, individual reasons for why we do what we do.............

 

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