Need Your Opinion Live Close To Family Or No

17 Replies
hthab - September 26

Dh and I have always been fairly independent from our families. When we finished college, we moved 2500 miles away from home. Now, we're 1500 miles away and have a 9 month old ds. We told ourselves that we'd never move back home, but now we're actually contemplating it. Our families can be a bit much with a little craziness. We currently live in Colorado, where there are beautiful mountains, blue skies, and we love our town. We're from Michigan, where the weather isn't so great, and the job market is a bit cruddy. But we'd like our son to know his cousins and grandparents. Plus, it's nice to have family to lean on when things get tough. I'm thinking that 2 or 3 kids will be way harder than 1. Any input would help. Do you like living close to family, or do you prefer being far? We're thinking that if we move back, it will be within 2-3 hours of family. Too much farther, and we'll probably be too far away to visit much anyway.

 

KLT - September 26

We live near our family. As much as they drive us crazy (constantly) i'm glad they are nearby..my mom is probably the #1 cause of a majority of my stress...but at the same time, she's my saviour. She watches our son daily so we can both work..and I love the fact that he's getting to know her so personally.

 

JerseyGirl - September 26

LIVE NEAR FAMILY IF YOU CAN!! When couples have kids, I never understand how they could NOT live near family. All families have a bit of craziness in them (some more than others), but it's wonderful to have them nearby if you need them in a pinch and also for your little one to grow up with them. My brother & sis-in-law, just today, closed on a house here in my town (where my mom also lives) and I couldn't be more excited. Now, my 3-month-old son & 10-month-old nephew will grow up together! Plus, I get my brother back here; he's lived in NYC for 10 years!

 

mamatom - September 26

my fam is 2000 miles away too, and now that i have my son, i would love for them to be closer.. my mom drives me crazy, but she's also a huge help. however my dh says if they move here, he'll be out of this town so fast.. NOW that sucks.. *lol*

 

Gretta - September 26

I have to say now that I live 5 minutes from my family that having a child has made being close to family really important to me. Its good for my dd to get to know her relatives and I trust them with her without issue. That being saidthey drive me nuts sometimes but I wouldn't change them for anything. Plus they think they can give you advice but you have to learn to say - thats a great idea and than ignore it LOL

 

squished - September 26

I totally know what you mean about Colorado. We lived there for 6 six years and just recently moved back down to Florida since we have a 3 month old son. We too loved Colorado, but had no family there. We have a 1 year old nephew here and my parents and my dh's family (although we don't really visit them) and it'll be nice for the two kids to grow up together BUT it's nice when you live far away b/c you aren't dragged into the day to day family drama and they don't know everything that is going on in your life which is a good thing :) I love having my family here, but I totally miss all of our great friends in CO and CO itself!!! Family is great to have around, but it's a trade-off! Good Luck!

 

Perl - September 26

How much "craziness"? If it's enough to drive you crazy too, stay away from them!!! I live 3 hours away from my sisters/aunts/cousins and 13 hours away from my mom and brother. I love my family but I like being close enough to visit but far enough away that I can avoid them and not have to see them every day. I wish my mom could be a little closer but I'm glad my sisters and their kids aren't in town otherwise my life would be hellish and chaotic. My sisters are self-centered drama queens that suck the life and energy out of me and only call or come around when they want money or something else. Their kids are juvenile delinquents (as in they have been in juvenile hall) or little delinquents in the making and I'm glad they aren't here to be a bad influence on my ds. I have all my in-laws here in town near me and thankfully my husband has a wonderful family and I love that they are close and that my MIL and sisters in law and dh's nephews/nieces are all here in town to hang out with us or help us out as often as we want. So it definitely depends on the family. If all my in-laws moved away I would definitely move closer to them because they're fabulous people. If my own family moved farther away I would be happy. Tough choice for you but if you want them closer but not so close you're in the same town but still close enough to drive to them for a day that sounds like a wise choice to move within a 2-3 hour drive.

 

Val - September 27

hthab - we're 1000 miles away from both sets of grandparents (about a 2 day drive), and some days I wish we were closer - help from family would be nice! But we don't want to move back (to southern California) - we're settled here, love it where we live, and really couldn't afford to move back. I keep hoping that one or both sets of grandparents might decide to move closer to us!

 

kimberly - September 27

I wouldn't have it any other way but to be close to my family. I like having my kids know thier grandparents and cousins. Especially at Thanksgiving and Christmas, I couldn't imagine not being at my mom's for that. My mother is fighting colon cancer and every moment I get with her, I will cherish!

 

hthab - September 27

Thanks for your thoughts everyone! Both my family and my in laws are probably about a 7 out of 10 on the craziness scale. Kimberly, your comments mean a lot. Our parents aren't getting any younger, and you never know when they might become ill. I always think about how I'd like to be around my parents more, especially my mom. It's a tough decision, but at least we can take our time on it. Squished, only people who've lived in CO would understand how great it is! Most people thinks it's always cold and snowing. But I suppose every place has its good things and bad things... I do miss the green scenery farther east and orange leaves and cider mills in the fall, and the fresh fruit in the summer. I think that being at least an hour drive from family might make things not so bad.

 

TiffanyRae - September 27

I am across the United States and an ocean from my family (hawaii) and i know I am not the person I used to be because of it. We are here because my husband is in the military. We do not have a choice. I find that I am snippy to my husband, not as open and easy going, and bitter because I don't get to see my family. Oh and my family is pretty crazy too! But they are still family. The only person in my fam who has met my son is my mom..and that is because we flew her out here so she could be here for the birth. I flight ticket just to get us to the mainland is at least 400 dollars...and that only gets you to california. To get back home I will spend around 800 to 1000. Its a very frustrating thing. It is especially bad when my husband is deployed to Iraq. I try to go home for a short stint when he is gone but with work. our animals, and our home....I can't be gone long. So anyway I may live in a tropical paradise...but I miss my miserable cold winters...just because I know I have my family near!!!

 

hthab - September 27

Tiffany, I don't think that I'd be the same person either if I was in your shoes. Do you know how much longer you're going to have to be in HI? Having a kid makes me think differently about all of the military families out there making sacrifices.

 

TiffanyRae - September 28

hthab~ We are here for another two years. It is very hard but I am thankful for what the military does for our family. They do take good care of us. My hubby has been in for 14 years so he is pretty well versed in everything military. I am so greatful for him also!!! Where we go next is a mystery! There is talk about sending him to Bahrain for a year...if thats the case hubby said he would send the baby and I home for the year! So we will have to see. But as my hubby says...he made the choice to join the military 14 years ago...and I made the choice to marry into the military five years ago....therefor we both made the choice to take on this battle! And he is right. We grin and bear it I guess!!!

 

jen327 - September 28

We live by our family and yes they get nutty, but they are wonderful too. Just the other day DS1 got hurt in a football game and my parents were there, they took him off in an ambulance and my parents too the baby because DH was out of town. I just can't imagine going through that all alone. Oh and DS1 is fine, just has severe whiplash!

 

wailing - September 29

I've had an up and down relationship w/ some of my family and all I can tell u is that a baby changes everything. My mom lives an hour away and now i wish she lived across the street. Never in a million yrs did I ever think I would depend so much on her, but she is a changed women w/ her grandchild. If ur family is dependable enough that u trust them w/ ur baby...move closer to them:-) It's a great help to have them nearby and much better then leaving them w/ a sitter if u don't have to!

 

Cojeom - October 2

to hthab-before you & your husband make any plans, go & stay with them for an extended vacation. Holidays are coming, perfect stress tester. If you can afford too, stay in a condo, or extended stay suite for 2-3 weeks, or at the home of a family friend going out of town...etc. You & your husband are both so independent, that you may find the closeness is such a relief after all this time of being so far away, or you may find that all the money in the world isn't going to make you want to move back. Speaking from experience, all the money in the world wouldn't tempt me to make the move back home. I love being right where I am, and yes there are drawbacks, but the benefits outweight them. If you make the effort, your son will know his family, but make sure your not the only one making the effort. I prefer the short quality time spend one on one with my cousins, grandparents, parents etc because I have only those memories and not daily drama like the rest of my family deals with, seriously its annoying every day something new, since I'm out of it, I keep my relationships healthy and happy with each one.

 

c_baer19 - October 2

My DH and I (though mostly I) are very independent people as well, and we live about 5-6 hours away from all of our family. We did live 11-12 hours away for about a year, though. My DH is in the Air Force, so it isn't by choice, but I have to admit I can't imagine living at home. We come from a small town that we both always thought we'd go back to, but now we can't even imagine doing that. I do wish we had family here sometimes because it's hard with our little girl, not having anyone we trust to watch her - but we are only 5 hours away and both families have come to visit a couple of times since we moved here - my father's coming up this weekend to visit, actually! It would just be too much chaos to live at home with all the family.. they'd want to see the baby all the time, and I like that we can live our own life and not worry about feeling bad for not being over often enough, etc. I kind of like living a little far away, though when we move further it might be worse, but I still think I'll enjoy the privacy and all the time we have together.

 

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