Not Sexually Active Since Baby Help

8 Replies
margie - April 16

i had my baby december 11th and we have only had s_x a few times...i have done things to him, but we haven't had actual intercourse barely at all. we both are wondering what is wrong? it is really starting to bother me because we used to do it daily before i got pregnant. i dont expect to be like that anymore, but i feel like this could be a problem? is this normal? this is our first baby so i dont know if it will come back or not and it kind of scares me. i wonder if its because of the weight i gained because i havent lost any of it. i really hope not, im trying to lose but it just wont budge! when we tried to do it the other day his stuff just didnt work if you know what i mean. we never had this problem anymore. is this normal?????

 

margie - April 16

I mean...never had this problem before not anymore

 

ma1008 - April 16

is it that you guys don't have an interest in it or he is just not getting aroused? i think it will all come back, just take care of yourself like you did before and look nice for him. part of it may be that he now sees you as the mother of his baby and not just his wife.

 

tish212 - April 17

i dont think it is your body dear, and i hope you arent letting you get that down, i am sure your dh still finds you just as s_xy! The problem right now might be that you are no longer his hot and s_x crazed wife, you are now the mother of his baby. Ya know? I mean some guys are turned off by that thought (not a bad thing_)they dont want to tarnish you with seeing you as a s_x machine, since you are now supposed to be the proper mom. I know my dh went through this phase, he felt like it was kinda wrong because i wasn't his young hot h__y wife i was the mother of his child i was supposed to be pure and proper. We had a long talk about it, and came to terms that when she is asleep i am not mommy but his hot h__y wife again... it took a little more on my behalf, like lingerie the first few times to remind him and also talking dirty to him to get him in the mood... and now, when she goes down for the night he knows im not mommy... (it also helped that we made a rule that after she goes to bed my name is no longer mommy, it goes back to babe which is what he always called me) please dont let it get you down thinking it is that he finds you less s_xy, i am sure he still finds you to be the s_xiest worman... he just doesn't think its "right" of him to defile his childs mom...sorry if this is nasty sounding its the only way i can think to explain it... hugs dear...

 

Gretta - April 17

I think its 100% perfectly normal - I have had problems with my s_x drive since my daughter was born. It was even worse when I was b___stfeeding. I have had no desire at all. Plus now if I do have any desire it pretty much goes out the window after a long day of chasing my toddler around. So hang in there - I don't know if it will get better for me but no sense in feeling horrible about it - there is a lot of changes when you add a baby to the mix.

 

jendean00 - April 17

Totally normal I think...my DD will be 11 months old next week and we are just getting back in the swing of things. It will come back and he will be hounding you and you him before you know it.

 

margie - April 17

Thank you so much, everything you all said made so much sense! I don't think that it's that he's not aroused by me because of looks or anything, he says that it's not and I believe him.. I think it's more like what you girls said that it is that he thinks of me as "mommy" now and I think it has him kind of thrown. We are so exhausted to that when the baby goes to sleep we pa__s out right away! I think that I'm going to take some of your suggestions for sure Tish and I think that we also need to have that talk because he does call me mom now instead of baby boo like he used to, and the mom t_tle was cute when he first started calling me that, and i still think it is, but i think we need to establish some seperation of mom/wife. i also am saving up to get a new bed, haha...this is actually kind of funny but could have something to do with this...my bed is a cheap-o frame i got at IKEA and it looks cool but it doesn't have the typical wire framing and it is wood slats and they sometimes slide out when theres a lot of "activity" going on in the bed and the mattress falls through which kind of interupts whatever is going on...oh man, i need a lingerie/new bed savings set up quick! thank you so much for letting me know that this is normal to go through this...i hope this thread will help others that might be going through this that their not alone either :-)

 

jenna32 - April 17

i feel the same way. it has to be normal. It could also be that we were "in the mood" more because your s_x drive is up when you are pregnant. They say watching you go through labour is supposed to turn a guy off sometimes to. But since i haven't been in the mood much,maybe a few times,it's been 4.5 months!

 

nino3 - April 22

Same here. I sometimes think my marrige is in trouble. I never feel like it and when i actually do, its mainly for him. I am just so tired and i also think i dont see mu hubby like that anymore. See for me, it was the other way around. The fact that we are now fighting constantly doesnt help either. Ughhh!!!!

 

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