OT Close Friends Heading For Separation Divorce

3 Replies
Nita_ - March 6

I want to get some help/suggestions from you ladies caz I dont know what I can do to help. Today one of my close friends hubby calls me and confides in me that my friend wants a divorce. I was soo shocked!! I couldn't believe what I was hearing but he was asking me if I thought there was something going on between her and this guy at work. We used to work in the same office before but now that I'm sahm, I don't get to meet her as often for lunch (which I used quite regularly when I was working). He seems really upset(which is understandable) and all the while I kept telling him that I don't think there is anything going on etc. They have two lovely kids, 10 and 13yrs old and I feel so bad for them. I feel bad for my friends too as I've known them for 6-7 yrs now and I never thought they are the kind who would end up in a divorce. He thinks there might be something going on as this other guy is always gifting them stuff, like computers, tools, and for xmas an xbox! He leaves his dog at their house whenever he's out of town. They happen to have bought the dogs from the same litter. My friend's husband was working night shifts for almost 2 yrs now and just recently shifted to day shifts. But he says she gives him the cold shoulder whenever he tries to hug or kiss her or anything. I really feel bad for my friends and their kids. I told him i'll call her and chat with her but of course won't mention that he told me about this. What should I do, I want to help them!


Mellissa - March 6

man..that's a tough one. Would your friend have confided in you if she was having an affair? I have friends who tell me EVERYTHING.. so it would be a hard situation for me to be in. I would just do like you said you'd do.. call your friend for a chat, maybe a lunch date, and see if she lets on that her marriage is on the rocks. If it is, I suppose you'd have to be there for her..and you might get stuck in the middle if you're friends with both of them. Just remember that people change, and a couple that was right for each other 10 years ago may not be right for each other now. Divorce is tough, no matter which side you're on. Good luck with it all!!


mcatherine - March 6

If you want to help them then you really have to stay out of it. Some of our closest friends just finalized their divorce and even though my husband and I both knew some secrets from each side throughout the entire ordeal- we kept them to ourselves. The intimate details of their marriage, along with their problems - really have to remain theirs. It isn't your place to help, imo. Just offer a shoulder if needed - but I wouldn't be the mediator if you want to keep either one of them as friends.


Nita_ - March 7

Thanks ladies. I called my friend yday and she told me saying don't tell anyone but we are divorcing. I tried talking to her but she seems to be all set with this idea and tells me that she's been struggling with this ever since they got married. I never knew this but they got married because she was pregnant with their son and in their culture it wasn't acceptable. I have invited her to come over so we can chat a little more but she says she'll see when she can come. I really feel so bad for them both. The husband told me yday that he can not believe that she said she only loves him as a friend and that from day one of their marriage she's been not happy. He used to be the one who cooked and took care of the kids. But she was saying he doesn't cook and she doesn't want to talk any more of the details. I've been thinking more about this and feel I've to be there for my girl friend. But I feel equally bad if I don't try to help them patch things up.



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