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aamaria - January 29th, 2007 8:24 PM

No just quite saddened by the extent of mistrust. While I do understand what you're all getting at its just some of the statements.. like not allowing your man to talk to a female without you being present. I dunno, its just sorta.. saddening. Everyone seems to treat all men with the same stereotype (ie they will fall for wicked devious bimbo) But then I suppose thats because as women we know we can be devious b___hes when we want to be ;-)


LollyM - January 29th, 2007 8:52 PM

I'll say this.. I trust my man, but I most certainly do not trust other women! Especially his "best friend" from high school who he actually dated and it became quite clear she has never gotten over him by the way she so thoughtfully told dh that she was disappointed that we were planning to keep our baby once she found out that I was pg. PUKE! Like it was her business anyway! I can't stand her, and now she has the guts to call herself our daughter's godmother!! what a freak lol. Anyway, my hubby likes me being "protective" he thinks it's cute and it reminds him that he means the world to me so he had better not mess that up or I will destroy him lol (but really, I would.) Anyway, Kara, I would do what the other ladies are suggesting about calling this woman for yourself. After-all, if she just wants friendship and comfort it won't meter that you're not an attractive man, and if she really does just want a man to help her heal her wounds, then I have the number to Chippendales that I would be glad to give her access too! good luck and keep us posted! and of course, keep your enemies the closest =) If your really nice to all the women who have contact with your man throughout the week, they will feel too guilty to try and steal him from you =p


Renee924 - January 30th, 2007 10:29 AM

I get upset even reading about situations like this. My husband and I have been together for over five years. About a year after we started dating he cheated on me with a "friend" from work. I do believe they started out as just friends. And at the time we were having a lot of trouble ourselves. The thing is, I didn't find out about it until two years after it happened. I was more upset about the fact that he kept up a friendship with her, than the fact that he physically cheated once. Anyway, its been another two years since I found out and our relationship is completely different. We got married a year ago, we have our baby now, we're both very happy. He's said before that he feels we have one of the best marriages you could ask for, we both feel like each other's best friends. He hasn't spoken to her since I found out, I made sure of that. But the weird thing is, she had just recently had a baby when all of it went on between them, and she waitressed, and now I've just had our baby, and we've been talking about me waitressing at nights so I can watch the baby during the day and I'm so paranoid to have any kind of similarities between the two of us. Anyway I just am glad to hear that I'm not alone with all the jealousies and whatnot. It's awful that we women do this to each other.


venus_in_scorpio - January 30th, 2007 12:21 PM

hey I know im coming into this thread a little late... BUT I really think you should talk to him about it. The thing with friends of the opposite s_x can be that when you feel so strongly for someone (as a friend) and the person is of the opposite s_x, the love you feel for them can be easily confused for the love you might feel for say your significant other, because chemically and hormonally, you are "supposed" to be attracted. Get my drift? I just mean married couples dont need friends of the opposite s_x. My DH hasnt cheated on me and I havent on him but there are certain ones of my girlfriends I ABSOLUTELY do NOT want him around. not because i dont trust him, because i dont trust THEM. Explain to him that you think she might have ulterior motives, and that youre not comfortable with the friendship and ask him (if he argues) how he would feel is (insert hottie from college) up and called your cell and you hung out with him. well good luck. DONT do like me, when i was pregnant and paranoid i used to check his phone while he was asleep. he would be devistated if he ever found out.


miami_loca - January 30th, 2007 12:51 PM

Wow--Kara. Sounds like a cla__sic case of 'you dont know what ya got til its gone syndrome'. Old female "friends" always appear at some point and its almost always when the guy is married. I myself am a firm beleiver of married couples not having 'friendships' of the opposite s_x where you speak on a regular basis on the phone, go out for lunch, etc. Its completely inappropriate and even if it was innocent, it gives the look of impropriety. And lets face it, there are very few cases of opposite s_x friends where theres not some sort of interest/attraction on at least one side. I dont care what anyone says, its true. And i dont mean aqqaintances, like your male coworker who you joke around with at the office or your ex bf who you write once every 2 years to say whats up. Im talking a friend who you speak with regularly on the phone or meet and hang out with on a reg. basis without your sig. other. Im sorry to break it to anyone who thinks im wrong, but theres some sort of attraction on at least one party's behalf.
And then theres the old 'emotional' affair, where nothing physical happens, but your S/O starts confiding in someone else instead of you. Its a fact that most emotional affairs lead to physical affairs.
People dont understand that were SUPPOSED to be attracted to the opposite s_x, and just because your married dosnt mean your'e gonna stop being attracted to the opposite s_x. What it DOES mean is you have to stay true to your commitment to your S/O, and that means you really shouldnt need close, close friends of the opposite s_x.

Kara, your hubb sounds like hes trying to do the right thing by telling you about this chick, and hes probably a little flattered by the attention, so i would just let it go unless it continues. He's the one who utimately has to end the 'friendship' and cut communications down to a minimal level, if even that. I wouldnt meet this woman for coffee either. By doing that its almost like your inviting her to stay close to your fam, and you really dont want that, do you? Good luck and be sure to tell us what happens.


Renee924 - January 30th, 2007 3:13 PM

I agree with that one up there. A lot of the times, even good men get in over there heads with female friends when they find out the female is attracted or wants more. Its like they don't know what do to with themselves. I guess it's an ego thing. Anyway, I've also been the snooper. I hated that phase, after I found out, I started checking the cell phone and his wallet compulsively when I was alone with them. I hated being that person. I hope it all works out, and yes it does sound like your husband is doing the right thing and I'm glad you've decided to nip it in the bud. I wish I would have but I was in high school at the time and the female friend was a grown woman. Intimidating.


Brandi - January 31st, 2007 1:02 PM

This might sound bad to some, but I don't feel married men should have female friends. It's one thing to have aqauintences, friends wife, something like that, but men and women that are married should limit there contact with the opposite s_x. My husband has no female friends, and I don't hang out with guys. It just looks bad and it puts temptation there. I might get alot of people disargreeing with me, but that's how I feel. I don't think married people should have a need for a relationship with someone of the opposite s_x, even a friendship.


Brandi - January 31st, 2007 1:04 PM

Sorry, I didn't notice that Miami Loca said basically the exact same thing...hehe


Kara H. - January 31st, 2007 1:12 PM

Chris and I are really big on the whole "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine". I would have ZERO problem with him going thru mine phone (which is his phone too since OUR checking account pays for it) or even my purse of wallet. I have nothing to hide. He feels the same way about his things, so I don't need to "sneak" to go thru his phone. I just look at his phone whether he is in the room or not. The only place we have a strict privacy policy is in the bathroom. If either of us shut the bathroom door, we either want a shower with no interuptions or we want to use the bathroom without an audience. But if I leave the bathroom door slightly ajar, that is an open inventation to stick the baby in the excersaucer and join me in the shower! So I don't really have to be sneaky to check up on him. We just find that this system works for us. BTW - Tonya has not called back. I have not called her for coffee since we have been so busy getting everything in place for hubby's job switch. If she doesn't call back, I don't think I am going to call her.


Brandi - January 31st, 2007 1:18 PM

Yeah, it's probably better to leave it alone if she's not calling anymore.


Kara H. - April 3rd, 2007 11:38 PM

Well guess who's back! Six weeks ago hubby told me that FF called again. Hubby said that she is an idiot and nothing like who she used to be. She told him that she had been out at a bar with her friends and they all were ready to go, but she wanted to stay. So they left, and she continued to drink and dance. She attempted to drive herself home and got pulled over. She was way over the legal limit, but the cop that pulled her over was an old friend of her brothers. So he gave her a ride home instead of charging her with a DUI. Her job requires a fair amount of driving so had she got the DUI, she would have lost her job. She then proceeded to tell him that several people from their graduating cla__s were getting together at a local bar the following weekend. Hubby told her maybe she should sit this one out since her brush with a DUI. She just laughed. Anyway we haven't heard anything more from her until now. She has found our myspace pages and has "friend requested" both of us. I'm sure the reason she "friend requested" me is because their is another female cla__smate of theirs that is on both mine and hubby's friend list. But what she doesn't know is that I actually worked with this other cla__smate of theirs for a couple of years while in college, and we are quite close. So anyway, now I am once again in a delicate position. Hubby and I both have full access to each other's MS pages. I could delete it, but he found out later about it, I'm sure I would get the "why are you so jeolous" talk. I could leave it, but it sort of sends the message to her that coming around is OK. I sure feel like emailing her and telling her that instead of partying and calling married men, maybe she should spend some time with her daughter. But that does sure sound like I am the jeolous, insecure wife, which I'm really not. It just p__ses me off that she has the b___s to keep contacting my husband!


cae - April 4th, 2007 12:06 AM

Why dont you just tell her to stop contacting a man that is married and the wife does not appreciate the occasional contacts? You say that you dont want to sound like you are jealous, but this is obviously bothering you, so why dont you stand by your instinct and stop this? If some old friend was contacting my DH, i wouldnt make a big deal about it at first, thinking it would pa__ss, but if it cont. to hapend then of course, I would say sometthing. Guys are too nice when it comes to women, they hate being mean. I dont now much about MS but if that were my DH he would just not accept the invite. If she tried calling him, he would just not answer or return her calls, his way of saying he is not interested in talkig to her. Unless, I tell him to call her and tell her to stop calling, which has happend in the past.


Kara H. - April 4th, 2007 12:21 AM

Its not a jeolously thing. Its a stepping in my territory thing. Am I fearful that she is going to steal my hubby away, NO. Its about what's mine is mine and I don't share. Hubby thinks its a "oh, don't leave me thing" and then feels the need to reasure me how much he loves me - oh, please :P Sure I would prefer to grow old with him, but if he strayed, I know I would be just fine on my own. Its the same as the dog who goes ballistic when another dog pees on his favorite peeing tree in the yard. Is he afraid the tree is going to leave, no. That's his peeing tree - nobody elses. And hubby is my peeing tree - she needs to go hike her leg somewhere else!


piratesmermaid - April 4th, 2007 12:35 AM

LOL, Kara, maybe you should use the peeing tree a___logy when talking to your husband and the FF. Makes sense to me, and I'd feel the same way. But you've got to say something.


cae - April 4th, 2007 12:49 AM

So I agree you should tell her to hike her leg elsewhere, or have your DH tell her how he feels about the situation.


vanja10 - April 4th, 2007 1:43 AM

Kara I had an issue with this about a year and a half ago and it was my hubby's ex gf.. she kept calling our house to invite us to 'her wedding', which never happened.. I kept telling the hubby that i don't feel comfortable and don't want her calling the house, but he didn't want to rock the boat.. he never returned her phone calls and she would call once every 6 months or so.. I kept telling him that girls don't just call their exes for no reason.. he didn't believe me... finally one time she called and i picked up the phone and pretended to be all friendly with her.. that's when i got some information out of her which made me think she was stalking him.. she knew where he worked and she was talking like he was part of her life and how her son misses him and i was like wtf.. then she told me something that my dh told his so called best friend and now she had this information. (basically it was that we were fighting and that we were going to divorce).. so interesting that she should call.. finally, she called for the second time and i told her that i don't feel comfortable with her calling and to stop calling my house.. she then got b___hy and said that she needed to hear that from my dh's mouth.. so i just pa__sed the phone over and he told her off.. *lol* But it took me over a year and a half to get him to do that and i was in so much agony.. each time she called, i just wanted to slap both of them.. her for calling and him for allowing it.. but now he's ditched his so called best friend (whom i really truly hated) and told her not to call.. so she hasn't called for at least over a year. moral of my story: do not trust any female, single or not... simple as that.. my hubby is now obsessed with golf, i don't think he would notice anything walking by.. *lol*


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