OT Abuse And Divorce Vent

30 Replies
newbie - January 15

this is off topic, but yesterday my husband "beat me" again. I mean had me by my hair beating my head into the wall then grabbed me by my neck and was trying to choke me all this while he was holding our 10 mnth old. i want a divorce but i am scared i got married when i was 18, i am a stay at home mom and my husband refused to buy me a car. so basically i have nothing. Im fine with walking away with nothing but what will that look like in court, i dont want to lose my daughter because he has ajob

 

soon2bemomof3 - January 15

omg, please get out of there for your sake and your dd. do you have any marks at all from this? you should get to the nearest police dept. and get help from them. do not worry about losing your dd, you will NOT lose her becaue you don't have a job. There is help, you need to get out NOW!!!!!

 

LisaB - January 15

You need to call them police and doc_ment all the abuse take pictures and get away asap. There are domistic abuse shelters that will take you in and help you with EVRYTHING, they will help you with custody hearings, help you get a lawyer and most of all keep you and you lo safe. The shelters are AMAZING they have all the resources at hand. Please do not spend another day with this man he does not deserve you or your child and the abuse will only get worse. I'm so sorry you are going through this. Where do you live? I can help you find a shelter if you need it. You can literally walk away with the clothes on your back the shelter will provide everything you need. If there is anything I can do please let me know please get out now!!

 

newbie - January 15

sorry i cut my post off short but i thought he was getting up, well the last time he did this he drug me into the road and choked me until i blacked out and when i came to he was slapping my head around for a couple of days after that i could not see out of the side of my left eye. and my lip was busted....... this is not the life i want for me or my daughter i really believed he was a good guy when i married him the abuse didn't start until after we were married. Im scared i am going to end up in the hospital. yesterday he did this infront of my friend and she was going to call the law but i asked her not to. i just want out and i want to do in without ending up making him mad so he wont hit me again. sorry if this is jumbled but i am writing in a hurry so that he doesn't catch me .

 

newbie - January 15

I am in tn , and i can go to my parents but i don't want to tell my dad b/c he will hurt my soon to be ex and lose his mason's membership. i just want this to be over. i wish i would of made better decisions because not only do i have to pay for it but one day i will have to tell my daughter.

 

LisaB - January 15

The number for the domestic abuse hotline is 1-800-356-6767 or 1-800-799-7233. You need to wait until dh goes to work then call the number I listed ask them where the nearest shelter is call the shelter let them know you are coming take a cab they will pay for it and leave today I promise you everything will fall into place once you are in a safe environment- I understand you don't want to hurt him you just want out so just get out. You can deal with your family, friends, police and anyone else once you and your dd are safe. You must live in order to raise your dd in a loving environment, so yes you owe it to her to take the steps nessacary.

 

Kara H. - January 15

Nobody likes the idea of public a__sistance, but this is EXACTLY what it is for. The domestic hotlines will not put you away in some c___ppy shelter forever. They will provide you with an apartment (sometimes a house you can rent), income, food, and utility a__sistance. You will also be able to go back to school, most paid for by grants you don't have to pay back, get a degree and provide a life you for you and your daughter. Yes is will be a lot of change. But even if you think you can't do it, take a long look at your daugher. Do you want her growing up thinking it's OK for a man to treat her this way? If you can't do it for you, do it for her.

 

lexa - January 15

Get out now! It may start with slapping, beating but will progress into something that could be much more fatal. You stated in your initial post that you "have nothing and are fine walking away with nothin". I disagree! You have your little girl you need to think about, and that is everything! You have your family also. Go to them and stay with them if need be. Get a PFA! Handle this situation properly. By that I mean going through all of the proper steps. Leave, get the PFA and stay with your parents. File complaints with the police. Take pictures to prove what happened! Just get out! What happens if he starts this on your daughter? If you take proper steps, no court in their right mind will take that baby from you just because he has a job! You need to take care of yourself and that baby. And you need to do is ASAP! He is not going to change so don't stay thinking that. LEAVE NOW!!!

 

Kara H. - January 15

Also, they NEVER take the child away from the mother unless there is serious drug abose or something like that. I know this sounds crazy, once you get out find someone who is on public a__sistance (preferable going to school) to "mentor" you in the process. My sis was in a very similar situation to the one you are in, and did just fine on her own while going back to college. And you will be just fine on your own too.

 

ash2 - January 15

You need to leave NOW. Your child could be the next one to be beaten, and you could have all prevented it if you would have just left !

 

ashtynsmom - January 15

Get the Fu*K out NOW! Seriously... go to the police station, have your friends that witnessed it go with you and then go to a shelter. If you husband works, you have time to pack some stuff up for you and your daughter and get the hell out of there. She is going to see this, and be more emoitionally abused than you can imagine. I witnessed my mom getting beat up when I was a child, and I woudln't wish that upon my worst enemy. Get out for your daughters sake, if you cannot do it for your own. This is not your fault, and there are a__sistance programs EVERYWHERE! Or go to a local church- they will help you out too.

 

Lchan - January 15

Get out now! Go immediately to the police and file a report. Have an officer escort you back to your home so that you can take everything you need for you and your baby. You don't want to go back without an officer! If you have no where to go, ask the officer to direct you to a woman's shelter. File a temporary restraining order. The police will be able to direct you where you can do it. The judge will examine your abuse report and decide whether to file a permanent restraining order. Since your child was in your arms, the chance are very high that the judge will allow a permanent restraining order against your husband and you won't have to worry about custody. You say you have nothing, but that's not true. You have your daughter and you owe your little girl an abuse-free environment. No child should have to live in such a way, and living is such a way will dramatically alter her future. Leaving will take energy, strength, and courage but you can do it!!!! Please keep us posted. I want to make sure you and your daughter are OK.

 

newbie - January 15

the only marks that he left on me are gone now, i took pictures but they don't show my face. plus when he does it he usually goes for place that you won't notice. like my head or he puts his finger into my b___st bone and pushes as hard as he can until I feel like my chest is about to explode. the last time he did it and left marks i was too shook up to even think about taking pictures.

 

LisaB - January 15

newbie what are you thinking? Is he home now? Do you feel you need to protect your daughter from him? Because you do!! Can you leave him today?

 

momma0710 - January 15

newbie~ please for your safety and the safety of your baby take Lisab's advice call that number and get out of there, tell him your taking your daughter for a walk and call for a pay phone if you have to!! Honey I know its hard I to had to leave a man who almost killed me (thank god we did not have kids) i know its different for you because he is the father of your child, and i know you probably hang on to the good times in your heart and hope for them to come back but they don't (unless he is willing to take some anger management cla__ses) get out get out get out!! Please for that baby girl and for you!

 

flower.momma - January 15

OKAY, who cares about a freaking Mason's membership!!! Let me tell you what will happen if you stay. Either your husband will kill you or your daughter, or your daughter will grow up watching her mother submit to beatings every day and will find herslef a man exactly like your husband. I feel for you, and I'm sorry you are going through this, but you have to consider your daughter first and foremost. If you are too weak to help yourself, find some strength to help your daughter. I can not believe that you would stay!!! Call the police, go to a domestic violence shelter, your parents, anywhere. I would actually consider it a better life for your daughter if you were homeless!!!!

 

flower.momma - January 15

And here's another thought. Your daughter is already 10 months old. She is a sponge. She understands what is going on, and watching you be beaten is already leaving emotional and psychological scars that will take a long time to heal. Especially because she can't put her thoughts into words yet. Leave for her!! You are the most important person in her world and you need to grow some b___s and get out of there!!! It must hurt her so bad to watch you get hurt. She probably feels so afraid, she probably feels lost and hopeless. YES, 10-month-olds can feel these things. She is not a blob, she is a person, and she knows exactly what is going on.

 

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