OT Anyone The Complete Opposite Of Their DH

19 Replies
mosley12 - February 20

Dh and i are complete opposites. he grew up in a middle class family, i grew up in a extremely privledged family, his family has always done things together, my family was lucky to have dinner and actually stay together on vacations, he's just a country boy and im a city girl..as you may know we are going through an extremely rough patch in our marriage, and soemtimes i just wonder if we are too different. we always joke that the movie "the notebook" is our story..he's def. not the type of person my family expected me to be with..so please tell me there are complete opposites who make it work!

 

eclipse - February 20

My husband and I are complete opposites as well, and we have one of the strongest relationships we know of. I am strong where he is weak and vice versa. Our families are very different as well-as a friend said of us, dh's family is very prim and proper "please pa__s the b___ter" and my family is muppets flying throught the air. I tend to be the instigator, the chaotic one, and he is more structured. He keeps me from flying off the handle,and I keep him from taking himself too seriously. It does lead to spectacular fights, but he is my best friend and I can't imagine being anywhere else with anyone else. Oh, his family is the one with money (not always, but now) and mine has been working cla__s-my parents are divorced and his are still together, etc. I'm the country, he is the city. It can work, it can be difficult, but nothing worth keeping is easy. Hang in there. Don't focus on the differences-focus on the similarities and what drew you to him in the first place. Good luck-it will be ok. :)

 

CyndiG - February 20

ditto eclipse except the divorced parents part! I thought my alternate personality must have written her post! It's scary how much alike we are! Mosley, there's no such thing as too different if you love each other!!

 

melissa g. - February 20

i am also the total opposite of my dh, and this is by far my best relationship i've ever had! he is calm, i am not, i get things done, he is more laidback, we had vastly different family lives, i grew up vastly more wealthy than he did -- but i think our core values are the same. but personality traits? we couldnt be more different and those things are what i prize most about him! (for the most part!)

 

vonzo - February 20

I'm hot, he's not!!...... hehehe .....very much so only kidding, far more likely the other way round!!! My hubbys very quiet and a sci fi geek, whereas i can be pretty lary and hate star trek and all that me larky. Sometimes we don't even register on the same wave length which frustrates us both and ends up in a stupid barney, but then at the other end of the spectrum he knows about loads of stuff i dont, and vice versa, so together i think we make a complete package! *sniffle*, im getting all lovey dovey now!!

 

Mellissa - February 20

My hubby and I are soooo different. He's a country boy, grew up in a tiny town..i was an army brat. His parents have been married 35+ years, mine are divorced. His family had money growing up, we were so broke (8 kids on an army salary, just doesn't work). He grew up in a family with 3 children, him being the only boy... I have 4 brothers, 3 sisters. When we argue I'm the type who wants to talk it out until we reach a solution, he'd rather leave to clear his head (his way works better most of the time, i'll admit) He was a partier when we first met and I had only been to a bar about 3 times. There have been times when I questioned our differences, but if we were alike, I think it would be boring. I know that you are having a tough time right now, but hopefully ya'll can make it back to where you were when you first fell in love. Good luck, and don't give up!!!

 

kris313 - February 20

Oh we are so very different. He grew up very comfortably in the suburbs. I'm a city girl too and we lived paycheck to paycheck. Consequently, he has no responsibility whatsoever with money and I constantly obsess about bills. He is completely mellow, nothing ever bothers him. I'm total type A and stress about everything. I always want to "discuss" things when I'm upset, meaning have a good fight so I can get it all out and he won't talk to me until I calm down - which absolutely enrages me!!!!!! The flip side of that is that he centers me. When I get myself all wound up in a tizzy, he can hug me and make it all go away. Even though we are night and day on some things, we are one where it matters most - we are devoted to each other and our daughter and its us against the world.

 

Lindsey - February 20

They say opposites attract, I am also completely different to my husband, I grew up having a great childhood, family holidays and great birthdays and christmas's. My dh's parents both suffer with M.E so he spent all his childhood looking after them. I am very loud, whereas he is very quiet, i am c___p with money where he is a saver. We work well together, we have only had 1 serious arguement in the 8 years we have been together (married for 6), and he makes me laugh so much. The only thing i can think of that we have in common is that we love football (soccer to you american gals LOL).

 

KLC - February 20

oh man my dh and I are not only opposites but POLAR opposites. He hates social settings - there is nothing I like better. He likes to stay in on a Saturday, I can't wait to go out. He is calm and makes rational judgements and I am hotheaded and easily angered. Totally different upbringings too. I was from a priviledged family that never showed affection, he's from a family that struggled but is always together and very close. You get the picture. Anyway, we have been together 7years. I believe that any marriage than can be saved, should be saved. Marriage is by far the HARDEST thing I have ever done - but also the most rewarding. I know that he always has my back and I will always have his. He's my best friend and no matter how angry I get with him (and trust me he can REALLY p__s me off) there is no one I would rather be with. My mother asked me once when we were going through a rough patch "If you were stranded on a raft in the middle of the ocean, who would you want there beside you?" It was no question - it was dh. So we went to counseling and learned some great techniques that we still use today as far as how to deal with our feelings and to communicate effectively but most importantly how to fight fair. Only you can decide if your marriage is a healthy one with a few kinks to work on but if it is and you truly love each other - than you owe it to your marriage to do everything to make it work. Good luck sweetie :)

 

mosley12 - February 20

thanks you guys. it just seems so hard being so different..and it doesnt help that my mil is constantly telling him we are too different. i tried imagining my life how it would be if i married the type of person my parents expected. id be married to a very successful man, living in a huge house, a guy who wears loafers and likes to golf and boat, and who can buy me anything i wanted..but i know i would be bored out of my mind..im already missing dh like crazy, but i just dont know anymore.

 

Shea - February 20

DH and I are opposite too. He grew up in a small town, me in the city.Our parents probably were about the same economically while we were growing up, but my family came from money and his were from poor farmers in the sticks, so there are a lot of differences there. He is a type b, I am type a. I am an optomist, he is a pessimest - the differences go on and on. It's also interesting b/c he was married for 10yrs to someone else, then divorced, I have only been married to him, almost 12 yrs now. In those years I have thought about divorce, heck I've thought about shoving him off a cliff sometimes, lol. I have to say one of the most stressfull things was bringing a new baby home. It was so terrible b/c that is supposed to be (in my mind) such a wonderful time. But through it all, I have a deep and abiding love for him (even when I wanted to kill him) and I accept that there are things we will never work out, never agree on, never see eye to eye. Strangely one of the things that I think makes our marriage work is that I am very independent, and I think that gives him some space that he didn't have in his last marriage. She would freak out if he was 10 min late, but with us, I am usually the one that is late. As far as families expectations, I know mine didn't expect a divorced man, 7 yrs older, w/ 2 kids. His is still freaked out that I am a career woman and have him stay home w/ the baby. I don't really care, it works for us. There are some things that can't be worked out, but being different shouldn't be a barrier.

 

mosley12 - February 20

thanks for the encouragement you guys

 

ashtynsmom - February 21

Yes, my dh and I are total opposited, too. I am an only child, he is the middle child. I came from a priviledged family, he came from a single mother raising 3 kids alone on food stamps while working several jobs. I was a popular kid in school- Dh was too, but only b/c he was into sports. He didn't hang with the "cool" kids, he was the rebel type. We are even opposite in looks!! I have black curly hair and brown eyes- he has blue eyes and white/blonde hair. We are SOO opposite personality wise, too, but sometimes that keeps us grounded. If I get to neruotic, he calms me down. If he is too lacadasical, I will light a match under his b___t!! We definitely have our moments though where the personalities clash, but in the end we always seem to make it work.

 

Mellissa - February 21

mosley12: how long is this separation for? did ya'll set a time to check in with each other to discuss what it's like being apart? I know I don't know all of information, but I can tell you love him, and you miss him..and chances are he's feeling the same. Maybe ya'll can meet for lunch or something to talk things over, and see where to go from there.

 

mosley12 - February 21

mellissa, we didnt set an exact time apart. we both just knew we needed time apart. we are both beyond stressed about a few things, the biggest him getting out of the military and neither one of us having a job yet, and we take it out on each other. we talk every day. its weird. almost like we are dating. i wish i could juust meet him for lunch, but i'm 12 hours away from him..lol

 

jwhite - February 21

kris313 you and your dh sound like me and my dh, exactly... The one thing we always fight about or argue about or whatever you want to call it, is that he does not help me much with the house work and I feel like I do it all. I don't understand why he doesn't get the hint that if you would help I think this argument would go away and there would be no mean wife... hint hint..

 

Mellissa - February 21

awe... that sucks that you're so far apart!!! But it's great that you talk everyday! I'll bet that helps you a lot. I know if Chad was getting out of the Army today, we'd be having the same problem as you. I mean really, what kind of job can he get after working on tanks for 8 1/2 years? It would be up to me to support our family while he goes back to school..and I don't have a college degree yet either, so we'd be pretty much out of luck!!! !

 

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