OT Childhood Chain Reaction

4 Replies
kristie h - January 23

Hi ladies, for this subject i need to give you a little history so you get the point of my matter. I come from a broken family. I am my dads only child but he adopted my brother and sister (mum had them to a prevous marriage). Well my brother was an out of controll kid and didnt like to be told what to do by adults and walked around with a chip on his shoulder since a very young age so my dad "discaplined" him when needed. From what i remember, dad went to far many times, but just a smack on the bum and he hated my dad for that even if my dad asked him to wash the dishes he was the worse person on earth. Now my parents are devorced my brother has so much hatered towards my father for what my dad did to him its out of controll. I am worried that my child hood is going to be a chain reaction on my DS. I spank DS when needed and so does DH but him being the man DS knows when he is truoble of DH and takes him more seriously. For past reasons (stated abouve) i cant but help wounder if DS is going to hate DH for giving him dicapline. We argue about this quite abit . I feel it is a catch 22, we dicapline he will hate us we dont he will be out of controll. How do i get thoughts out of my head thats DS will have the att_tude like my brother? The last thing i want is for DS and DH to have a hatered relationship but i am so scared of that. I know some ladies may think nothing of this post but it is realy affecting our parenting together because of my childhood exsperiance, it has gotten to the point where we have nearly split up over it. Is there anyone else in a similar situation? Any opinions would be great.

 

kristie h - January 23

PS: DH dicapline is not an out of controll dicapline, he is just the average father that brings DS into line with a smack on the b___t when needed. He is not violent one bit. Just thought to clear that up.

 

sahmof3 - January 23

Your post makes me curious about your brother's biological father. How was he to your brother? Was he involved at all? I'm thinking that a lot of your brother's anger is probably because of his bio father, but maybe directed at your father, because that is who was there at the time. I have a feeling that his feelings about his bio father might be his real issue. I can understand why you would be afraid of ds being like your brother from your past posts about what your brother is like, but I think that since your dh is a commited father and disciplines in a controlled way it will probably be ok. You just never know no matter what your circ_mstance how they will turn out... all you can do is your best (which it sounds like you and dh are doing)! Well, I'm rambling now... sorry... that's my take on it...

 

Emily - January 23

We also spank our dd. She also takes dh more seriously than me. It breaks my heart when she cries, but it is always cause she had her feelings hurt and wasn't really physically hurt. In my opinion, as long as you or dh doesn't hurt ds then it is okay. It is important to tell ds why he is being spanked. And never hit out of anger, if you are angry at the time, wait until you cool off to punish. I think that as long as you always explain that after the spanking when your ds is listening and has stoped crying, that you still love him b ut he can't do whatever and give the reason why, like he might hurt himself or others…..just be selective about what you spank for. Like if he spills milk, tell him to be more careful, but does it really need a spanking….as long as you do this, I would think you shall be fine. The main thing is to be consistnant and talk to your dh about how you feel…..

 

austinsmom - January 23

I agree with the others and I want to add that most of us in the 30 year old generation were spanked and did not have this anger problem. I was spanked plenty of times and my brother but we knew we did wrong and why the spanking occurred and as long as that is always understood I do not believe you or hubby will have a problem. I will also add that the fact that you added additional info the PS: to your question shows that you actually agree with your husband on how he diciplines and that you see nothing wrong with the way he is doing it so what it sounds like you will have to try to do is to let go of your past and look to the future. I know it is easier said than done but girl you can do it!!!! Good luck.

 

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