OT Sahre You Advice On A Successful Marriage

15 Replies
kristie h - November 26

Hi Ladies, this is way off topic but i thought we could share some advice/sayings on how to have a happy and successful marriage. This one really sunk into me as my parents always fought and are now divorced and cant stand each other "my parents have tought me what not to do in a marriage", "class your husband/wife as your best friend then your husband/wife. No one wants to let their best friend down but most people in someway lets their husband/wife down" "don't tell people your marriage problems. When you have made up with your better half they tend to remember the worse of that person and look at them in different eyes while you have moved on and forgotten about that argument" "Have a date with your better half once a month to keep the love alive. We all know we tend to get caught up in everyday things and forget to nourish our marriage. Even if you cant get a baby sitter, send the kids to bed a little earlier or feed the kids at your normal time but have a late romantic dinner with your husband while the kids are in bed. and finish the night off with a lot of love to give" I would love to hear anyone else advice so please share!!

 

kristie h - November 26

Oh another one that MOST females have a hard battle with. "Dont be shy of your body when your under the sheets, men think there is nothing more s_xier then a women with confidence"

 

javidsgirl - November 26

i would have to say repect each other for being the individual they are. listen to thier concerns make them feel like they can talk to you about anything and everything. you the morning of the day my dad died he keep asking who was going to take care of my mum at the time we didn"t know that was going to be his last day with us . but i always wanted a husband like my dad well i got one he loved my dad like he was his own and is a big thing is repectingeah others family like they were your own

 

javidsgirl - November 26

sorry for the typos

 

sahmof3 - November 26

This is a good thread! Lately I have to remind myself each morning to keep my temper in check. Sometimes I have to leave myself a note! What would happen was that I had the kids all day long and dh would walk in the door, I was making dinner, the kids were fussing and I would make dh shut up so I could deal with the kids. I would get mad that he wanted to tell me about his day. A lot of times it was about problems at work and I was thinking, "Look buddy, I'm at home with an autistic child and 2 toddlers all day, what problem could YOU possibly have?" lol But, I'm seeing that this was so hurtful to our marriage. We both have been working on having more understanding of what each other is going through during the day. Marriage is such hard work. I was thinking that other day that they should ban books that say, "They got married and lived happily ever after!" Hmpf!

 

Krissy25 - November 26

I think so far everyone has good advice. I know for us we won't allow the little things get to us. Like my dh leaves his boxers on the bathroom floor every morning, i just kind of laugh and pick them up and i know i do stuff that annoys him but we never argue over these things. I guess it's kind of like choosing your battles carefully.

 

kristie h - November 26

Krissy that is so true. I had a lady tell me once not to let the little annoying things get to me because if my husband pa__ses away beofor i do those little annoying things like leaving the cap off the tooth paste ect wont be there to remind me that hes still with me.

 

excited2bemama - November 26

Put Dh's needs before your own and CONSTANTLY find ways to make his life easier. ( I am not saying I am perfect at this... :o) Dh and I fight less when we try to put each others needs first. I do alot of thing for him that he could do himself.. but he likes for me to do them and it makes him happy so I do it.. for examply- I am SAHM and he comes home for lunch.. I make his lunch everyday.. I also mkae his toast in the am while he showers, and lots of times he leaves his boxers on the floor in the bathroom and I just pick them up... Just little things....He likes a clean house.. so I keep it clean. He does lots of little things for me too that make me happy.. second peice of advice... Don't refuse intimacy to often... dh tells me all the time that men need s_x like woman need cuddling.. he says its like cuddling to them... He says it hurts when he gets rejected.... I guess it all stems down to try not to be selfish and try to be SELFLESS

 

c_baer19 - November 26

Excited2bemama, I could not agree more that the key to marriage is a willingness to be selfless. I try to do everything I can for my DH, but it has to be equal on both sides. Sometimes I end up frustrated because it can feel like it's all give and no take, and that's where you have to be careful - that you don't leave yourself out of the equation and get what YOU need. Sure, I could make a perfect marriage by serving DH all the time (which I enjoy doing), but the wife/mother needs something in return, it can't be just a one-way street. I'm still trying to find that balance where I'm not doing everything... I'll let you know if it happens in my lifetime!! LOL.

 

kristie h - November 26

One thing i think us ladies do wrong is we expect our DH to know what we want. Alot of females think its just common sence to "just cook dinner, do the washing, bath the kids, clean the house" and we sit back and complain that DH does nothing. The one thing i've lernt is to ask DH to bring the washing in ect instead of expecting him to know what i want him to do. I know this may sound stupid but for some darn reason men cant think for themselves even if its sitting right infront of them.

 

baby-love - November 27

Things that are important for us in our marriage are: Try not to let the sun set on an argument and go to sleep upset with each other. Try not to leave each other upset. Forgive and forget. Don't hold a grudge. Accept that each other is only human and prone to err and not having too high of expectations for the other. Imagine every day or every time you leave that this is the last day or moment you have together. (A person really never knows when it might be.) It is amazing how that thought can change my att_tude in a heartbeat! (I always worry if say my husband would leave to go the store or something in the middle of an argument and he'd get in an accident and die, I'd feel badly forever for never having had the chance to say I'm sorry!)

 

javidsgirl - November 27

you are so right baby love my parents use to thank each other for things they gave each other everyday ie children a 35 year marrriage etc.. and always said to each i love you i"m glad you choose me. my mum cared for my dad when he got sick she would change his diapers when he needed to wear them dress him and she always told him thank you for letting her to be the one to do that and i always thought to myself that is so strange after my dad died i got the courage to ask her why she did that she smiled at me and said when you enter a marriage you not just taking a husbnad your taking a family too and my dads mom was fond of my mum but my dad choose her anyway and she said that is why because she was so thankful for that. i akways wanted a marriage like thiers just never realize how much work it takes untill now but i would do naything for my husband even change his diapers if i had too

 

javidsgirl - November 27

*my dads mum wasn"t fond

 

MNMOM - November 27

Here's a piece of advice that no one gave me but that I learned the very very hard way: You cannot fix problems in a marriage by turning away from your partner. That is exactly the time you should be turning toward each other and striving to fix things.

 

Crystal83 - November 27

Ok girls, I just married my best friend Nov. 10th of this month after 9 years and 3 daughters, we got together when I was 15 and he was 18. I'm still after all this time trying to figure out how he can go about his day opening cupboard doors and getting something out without closing it afterwards and taking his work clothes off and leaving them on the floor and leaving the toiletpaper roll empty and throwing his gum wrappers on the floor, and come home to a perfectly spotless home and not respect the fact that I cleaned all day by messing it up! lol however: I have learned that he finds these things completely insignificant because he thinks spending time with me and his girls and providing for us is just so much more important. It's like guys are on a different wave length when it comes to things like that. I had to realize that those things are important to me because I'm a different person and he has realized this as well so we compromise and pick and choose our battles. What you judge in your partner is a reflection of what you judge in yourself, expectations set us up for resentment and it isn't conflict that destroys marriages; it's the smoldering resentment that is bred by withholding. Tell your hubby in a kind and joking way of the silly things they do that bother you, that's what I have found to work for me. My hubby takes a lot more notice of the things he does when I joke about it rather then nag about it.

 

countrymom401 - November 28

I have been married for 4 years now we have been together for 7 though. I love this thread. My dh works away from home and I truly think that distance makes the heart grow fonder. When he is home he leaves socks on the floor , Clothes everywhere and I am always picking up after him. I was telling this to my mother one day who is widowed from her 1st marriage. She told me that for years she hated picking up after him that they would fight about it. Then suddenly he was gone and she wished she had his socks to pick up. She told me never to take life for granted. She said that happiness happens in the heart. So My advise is don't sweat over the little stuff. I miss picking up after my dh and he is gone for 1 month at a time I couldn't imagine living without him though. Make love often and never go to bed mad. Also always say I love you when ever they walk out the door. It is what I would want my last words to be. Life is to short.

 

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