OT Vent About Aunt Adoption

2 Replies
Brittany - March 4

My Aunt and Uncle tried having their own children for a few years and couldn't get pregnant. I personaly think my aunt was just scared of pregnancy and childbirth. Anyways, after a few years of looking into adoption agencies, they found two children. My whole family was so very excited for them, everyone deserves a family! I feel bad saying this but I was always iffy on her having children, even if they were her own biological kids. She would babysit my sister and I and she just wasn't a motherthly type, we'd play with her and she could only handle about a minute or two before she told us to stop playing all together. Well she has had them for almost three years and yesterday when my husband, kids, my dad and I went to visit my grandfather, she was there. The whole time she just complained about her kids! She said how loud and crazy they are. She pointed out every little thing that was wrong with them. I very rarely see her so I was SURPRISED at how much she was dishing out to me in front of everyone. She asked about my kids and if I wanted more (I have two) and I said DEFINITELY, she said well it's probably because your young and can do it all. When we got into our car, my husband said, "wow it seems like she doesn't like her kids right now". My dad even said that shes been having a hard time since she brought them home. I knew this was going to happen. She had a baby shower before the adoption was finalized and there were kids there and she couldn't handle all of the kids running around and helping her open presents so in a way, I really think she is not going through a tough time "right now", I think that this is just the way she is in general. When the adoption agency gave her a video tape of the girls before they adopted them, my aunt brought if over and watched it with our family and I was annoyed when she kept pointing out how the younger girl was "slow" and things like that. I thought that she should be really happy about finally having children! Could this be some kind of depression or is this just the way some people are? I feel bad posting this but I'm just confused and at a loss at why she is being this way. Her kids are beautiful and seem really sweet, I'm scared for them, that they'll grow up unhappy or something. The last time I saw them, my aunt was SOOO into making them say please and thank you, they seemed so sad. I know saying please and thank you is polite but it just seems so controling with how she was teaching it. My son says please and thank you and I never made him, he learned it from my husband and I saying it to eachother...which is great because I feel like a good role model haha. Anyways, what do you girls think? I'm so sorry this is long, I just don't know what to think about this situation. I'm really scared for the kids and how they'll grow up emotionally.

 

BriannasMummy - March 5

Wow sounds like she is definatly not the motherly type. I couldnt imagine pointing out that my child to be was "slow", instead of pointing out the good things like.. "look isnt her hair beautiful". Maybe it was her dh that really wanted the children and she felt pressured to do it? Perhaps what you could do, is offer to bring them over to your house for visits without their mom to give her a break and a chance to gather her thoughts once in a while. It must be a huge shock to have these children move in and be totally dependant. She might not have known what waters she was stepping into? This is a hard call, if you ask me, those little girls are stuck with her for a very long time. YIKES! ~Kristin~

 

Danielle19 - March 5

does her husband say nice things about the girls? i know its hard with one child let alone two at once without any previous expirence, so maybe this is way of crying out for help, you or a family member should offer to take the girls for a day, or you should go out to lunch or something and ask her if she happy or if somethings bothering her, i would hope she loves these girls alot, but maybe she needs help and just doesn't know how to ask or is afraid to

 

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