Overprotective Daddy And I M Losing It

9 Replies
proudmommy88 - March 9

My husband is in love with our daughter, which is great, but he is very overprotective of her and it's really causing us problems. Some of the issues we've already gotten past are - he didn't want me to take her to my friend's house because he thinks it's too dirty and her kids are sick too much, he didn't want me to take her to my mom's because he doesn't trust her cats, he doesn't want other people in my family holding her because he's afraid they're going to stick their fingers in her mouth and get her sick. I've talked to him about all these, and he's still uptight about them, but doesn't freak out. But today we went to visit family, and my 12 year old cousin loves my daughter (who is 7 months old btw) and was playing with her. My dh overheard my aunt say he had been sick, so freaked out when my daughter starting "kissing" him. (She bites people's faces as a kiss.) He kept his cool there, but afterwards really laid into me - I knew he had been sick, I shouldn't have let her go near him, what kind of a mother lets her kid do something like that, etc. It turned into a huge fight and we are now not speaking. I am so sick of this. I understand he's worried about her, and wants to keep her healthy and safe, but doesn't he have to trust me at some point? He doesn't even want me to take her to my family's anymore because he says he can't trust me. I think he's being ridiculous. I'm tired of trying to do everything his way, when I think he's being crazy about it all. If she catches a cold, she'll survive! She needs to learn to socialize and get to know her family! Am I way off-base on this??? What do I do? I really feel like I'm losing it. I love my husband, but this is just too much!

 

proudmommy88 - March 9

My cousin was no longer sick, btw. No cough, runny nose, scratchy voice. He seemed perfectly fine.

 

katiepoole - March 9

So.......I'm guessing your daughter is not in daycare correct? If so, they pa__s germs around all the time there. But our ped told us it was better for our dtr to get start catching colds now than when she starts to school. What does he do when you go out to eat at places or to the store? She's just as likely to catch something there as anywhere....or what about when you go to the dr for well baby checkups I mean other sick babies have been in the office. I guess what I'm trying to say is he can't shield her from everything.....and yes I agree you don't want to put them directly in someone's face or have them put their fingers in their mouth if they have been sick or even not sick but the fact is they are going to catch colds and germs. Maybe you should talk to your ped about this and then maybe have a "family" meeting with the ped. Maybe that would help. Good luck!

 

melissap - March 10

Nope not way off base. My belief is to let them be around stuff and build up some immunity. Babies may get a little sick but not bad and it is better to get it now then when the have to go to daycare or to school. Ask him what is he going to do when you have another and maybe your oldest is in school. I have 3 and my oldest is in school and my youngest is 3.5 months. We have had 3 colds and 2 bouts of nasty stomach flu. The baby was cranky for like a day. I agree with katie. Talk to your doc first and explain and see what they say and then take your dh in for a discussion. Maybe coming from a professional will help. Good luck and I hope you get it straightened out for your sanity.

 

Krissy25 - March 10

I agree with what others have said about making a trip to the doctor and talking about your concerns and his. I'm sure your pedi. will tell your dh that by keeping your baby too protected it will do more harm than good. Kids have to be sick eventuallly and also if they are in an environment that is too clean they are more likely to develop allergies.

 

Crystal83 - March 10

I'd be losing it too if my hubby acted like that! He needs to chill out. How dare he accuse you of being a bad mother because you let your baby play with her cousin who is getting over a cold. I agree that you both need to see a Dr. or your ped so they can have a talk with him. You can't keep a child from being sick and getting germs on them. Germs are everywhere! I would ask him if he's ever caught cold as a child, and if so did it kill him or debilitate his life in any way? Are you immunizing your baby? Then he has nothing to worry about your baby isn't going to contract some disease. You should lay it into him about how ridiculous and irrational he is being. Sorry, I think I'm almost as mad as you are! lol.

 

britt_m - March 10

She does need to learn to socialize and get to know other people. Maybe it'll help to show your DH this article: tysknews.com/Depts/Health_Care/too_clean.htm

 

Justine1 - March 11

It sounds very much like your husband has contamination OCD (obsessive fear of germs) and he needs to get some help with it. You should socialise your daughter normally as you want to. He needs to get some help from the doctor to overcome his fears.

 

Bridget - March 11

Ugh, sound like no fun. Just try and tell him that if she doesn't get the occasional little cold now and then that her immune system won't get a chance to get a "practice workout" and when a more serious bug comes along it won't be as strong as it could have been. If he's into sports, maybe use the sports lingo.Get him used to the fact that she will be getting sick and it will start soon enough, especially with teething when everything goes in their mouths and most of it won't be sterile. My dh was like this over head bumps and bruises until our son got a huge clunker of a bump on his poor little head--with my husband INCHES AWAY! He realized that you can't ptrotect them every nano second, they have to live and explore and yes, get dirty. My dh was alittle of a germ-o-phobe but he seemed to let go easier than your dh. Risking the sniffles is a small price to pay for cousins to be able to play together. Making merories is important. Good luck.

 

docbytch - March 11

A slightly different spin on things. First off, I have a 5 month old boy at home too.... He has had one small cold and that's all. He got over it very fast too. However, his brother and sister who are MUCH older (DH's first two from his ex) than he is go to middle and high school. There's all kinds of c___p brought home...and when either of them get sick we keep Derek away from them. I am also a registered nurse that works in emergency rooms around the area. I cringe every time a really sick baby has to get transferred out to one of the local children's hospitals because they have a bad case of RSV or Bronchiolitis. There are some things that look like a common cold at first which can be dangerous to a baby. In my estimation, I have seen negligent parents who show dirty habits that translate into sick babies. My DH is a bit of a germophone too....but I'd much rather him be like that than a filthpile. If I know someone is sick...then Derek won't play with them either until the window of transmission has pa__sed.

 

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