PPD And Alone And Confidence W Newborn

5 Replies
mayaB - May 25

The 15th of May I had my little baby boy. The most beautiful boy on the planet.. and the love of my life.. But I'm alone in the city I'm in. I'm a new mom with no previous experience. and I feel stuck at home, stuck in my life.. at a dead end with my baby in my arms. My husband works but he is being as supportive as possible. Thing is I'm so afraid of everything. Afraid of him crying, of not being enough for him. Not being able to calm him down, not being able to be a good mom. So I feel frozen. I stay at home. I was wondering.. when did you other moms start taking your newborn around with you by yourselves? When did you start feeling confident enough taking him out just you and him to run errands?

 

JEN - May 25

First of all, congratulations on your baby- being a mother is the most amazing experience ever. Second, you ARE NOT ALONE! I am pretty sure that all new first time moms feel exactly the way you do- I know that I sure did. My ds was born in December ( cold and flu season) so there were literally weeks at a time that I did not leave the house ( and days at a time that I did not even get a shower). My dh leaves for work at 7:30 am and usually gets home at around 6:30-7:00 pm, and since I have no family near me either, I was pretty much alone all day with this fragile, crying baby. It was hard!!!! Much harder than I ever thought it would be. I think the confidence in yourself comes with time. A few things that you should remember are 1. babies cry! Sometimes they cry a lot- you just have to do what you can to comfort them (feeding, diapering, cuddling, sleeping). Sometimes this won't even be enough to calm them down right away. It's OK! 2. It will get soooooo much better in a few weeks, so hang in there. As far as taking the baby out, I think that's really up to you. My ds was about 8 weeks when I first took him anywhere, but again, he was born in cold/flu season. Some moms are fine with going out with their babies after only a few days. Just remember, he will probably cry in public, but wherever you are take a listen around- I'm sure you will hear tons of other babies crying too, so my point is that all of this is normal and OK, so try not to worry too much. Also, if you continue to feel sad/depressed you should call your doctor to discuss how you are feeling. Sorry this is so long, but I felt the same way you do and I just want you to know that you are not alone! : )

 

Shea - May 25

Congratulations on the birth of your son! I can totally relate to your post, because I went through a lot of those feelings when my son was born, 4 months ago. We have no family or close friends where we live, and I felt so stuck the first few weeks - trapped in my house, and I started worrying about everything about the baby. It was such a strange feeling for me b/c I was always confident and independent before, and now I was just falling apart. Looking back, I think part of that is the sleep depravation, but it is only normal to feel that way. And right now your baby is pretty much just sleeping and eating, and it's probably all you can do to get through the day. For now, just try to rest as much as possible, and maybe have your hubby watch the baby when he gets home - even just 15 min for you to take a walk - so you just get out of the house. I started taking Braden out at 1 month - at first to places w/ out lots of people - or even for a drive, then by 3 months I pretty much took him anywhere. I have to tell you that it gets so much easier after the first month. I cannot beleive now how much fun I have now with him - he smiles and laughs and has such personality - it gives you confidence because you can see right away that you are making him happy. I still worry all the time about crazy stuff I never did before (like driving in traffic or walking down stairs), guess that's part of being a mom, but it's not the "afraid" feelings I had when he was first born. I hope this helps you - hang in there it will get SO MUCH BETTER!!

 

gracie - May 25

Hi, I had an emergancy csection last year on May 6th to my precious boy. I am also a stay at home mom. Even with the recovery of the csection I was out garage saleing (something I enjoy and can stroller him in) when he was 15 days old. I remember a lady asking me how I did it, and my answer was, slowly, but confidantly. I packed a zillion things in my diaper bag and had to carry everything seperatly to car. I also had him at the mall nearly every day for a couple hours once he was two months till about 6 months old. We would stroll around and i lost weight also. I fed him right in the mall (bottle) When my husband was free he would ussually come with me, but he was only there once or twice a week, the rest was just me and the baby. My son is now very well behaved out and loves to take trips so I think all these outings where good for us. good luck. I also felt the way you do about not doing things right and getting out of the house and forcing myself to take control really gave me some confidence and helped.

 

Bonnie - May 25

You are not alone Maya. ;) Grats on the baby! When I had my son I was PETRIFIED. My DH had to MAKE me change his diaper because I kept letting him do it, lol. When he went back to work I cried and cried. It's normal to feel that way. And I swear within a couple weeks you will feel like a pro. As far as the crying thing goes, justbe awaree that babies are gonna cry (of course, lol)...but what I mean is, you cannot always tell what is wrong or stop it. You just so the best you can and if he continues crying, just give him love and don't worry.....as far as PPD goes. My God, I was SO not prepared for the baby blues. I expected it to feel like PMS sadness. But I would sy to multiply that by 100! I was very sleep deprived with insomnia too and I liteally cried for 7 hours straight. I knew it was baby blues, I just felt sad and couldn't stop it. It usually goes away by around 2-3 wweeks though (thank God!!), but if it does not then call your OB and let them know....if you want something to cheer you up. I just bought one of Jenny McCarthy's books called "Baby Laughs". Someone recommended it to me and I am halfway through it and cracking up! As a new mom, I think you would really appreciate it ;)

 

cae - May 25

Hi Maya. Congrats! I agree with everyone here. I went through the same exact thing 4 months ago. My husband works full time and I stayed home. I had no ideal that the baby blues would hit me that much. I thought I would have it undercontrol, but I cried and cried and cried, for no reason, and was so happy to have my son at this same time-something that no one can describe, unless they have been there. I had no help from friends and family, except for my husband. When he got home from work, he would watch him for atleast 2 hours while i got some sleep. It really does feel like you are the only one going through it, atleast I did, But then I would go onto this site and know that I was not alone. Trust me it does get much, much better. People kept telling me that, and I just could not see it get better at all, and it did, ALOT better. It probably is hard for you to believe that it will, but it will. I had the baby blues for about 2-3 weeks, and slowly it went away. But they say if you have it for more than 2 weeks, then tell your doctor. I told my doctor at my 6 weeks PP, and she told me if it does not get better to call her, and thank God, it did go away. So if yours does not go away around 2 weeks, then call your doctor, trust me you are not alone. It is really important to get out the house. I remember the first time I got out the house without my son(although it was just for 15 minutes)it was great! lol. I drove a block to the grocery store, It was the best drive ever.lol I will never forget it. But use your judgement, take you son to the mall, go for a walk, or just go for a drive-this really helps. Hang in there, and these sad and lonely days will soon be behind you. Take care.

 

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