Question For Moms With Toddlers

5 Replies
amanda17 - June 7

My dd just turned one on the 2nd. She was a fairly happy baby with only the occasional moody days. However, ever since her birthday she's been acting totally different. She's so stubborn, obsessive, picky, and just not herself. She's been fussing about everything, most of the time I don't even know what she's fussing about. She even gets upset when you give her a bath, and bath time used to be her favorite thing to do. She's completely rejected all of her toys and only wants to play with things she's not allowed to play with. Usually if she picked something up she shouldn't play with, I'd just distract her with another toy and she'd forget all about it... but now when I try to do that she will cry for literally 30+ minutes. She doesn't listen at all when I tell her "no" even though I know she knows what it means. If I say "Give me that toy." She'll walk over and pretend to give it to me, then take it away and run off with it. The only form of "discipline" I've been using is distractions and letting her cry it out. Is she too young for time-outs? Why is she acting like this? What's the best way to keep her behavior under control?

 

DDT - June 7

Hmm, yes that's what toddlers are all about. Fun isn't it? and it doesn't get better with age. My 2.5 year old is even worse. He will go from being totally co-operative and then a sec later be having a break down over the most absurd things. Like putting his shoes on or something. It's their way of seeking their own independence and finding their limits. Jaxon turned 1 on the 31st May and hasn't really started that toddler stuff. Yet anyway... You could give your dd a time-out. She isn't too young, but it may be a bit difficult because she won't totally understand it. You could put her in a safe corner (1 min of time out). Another thing is that she may be having these crying sessions because she's emotionally frustrated. In that case maybe put her in her crib for a few mins with a cuddly object. She may just need time to herself in order to calm down. Don't let her think she's in trouble though. Just tell her she needs to lay down until she feels better. That tactic still works with ds1. He will even go to his room on his own for a few mins of quiet time when he's upset. You also have to pick your battles. She isn't being manipulative at this age. She's just testing her boundaries. Try a new bath toy to make bath time interesting again, music in the bathroom is a big hit with my kids (Jack Johnson is quiet and relaxing. Let her "brush" her own teeth. Do something special. The pretend to be giving something is completely normal at this age. There are somethings a 1 year doesn't comprehend and sharing is one of them. Don't expect so much from her.

 

fefer1 - June 8

My dd started getting a case of the terrible 2's once she turned one - and it's still here. It's just part of the process. We didn't start time outs till closer to 18 months because she didn't fully comprehend - and she wouldn't sit still anyways. I think the rule is one minute for each year of age. They also have very short memories at this age - thus the telling them 100 times NOT to touch the TV or whatever. Even at 2 1/2 they "forget". :) Good luck trying to control it - the best you can do is head off the tantrums. Make sure they aren't hungry or tired - distraction is really the best method I've found but it doesn't always work. Levi has decided he doesn't like bath time either - he won't sit down - just stand up hanging on to the side of the tub for a good five minutes before I can get him to sit down. They like to a__sert their newfound independence which is quite frustrating. Like DDT - I have a 2 year old and a one year old - we're in for some fun times as they BOTH go through this stage together. Being consistent with whatever method you use is important as they like/need to know what to expect. She may not understand it yet but she'll get used to say, time outs for touching the TV or throwing a fit. Also - giving them a CHOICE works too. You pick the choices though. :) Instead of banging the TV remote on the floor - they can have X or Y. It works really well on Rachel most of the time. And be prepared for having NOTHING work. :) Last night Rachel was just a terror - she hadn't taken a nap, wouldn't sit down and eat dinner, threw a fit, threw her chalk all over the floor/pushed over a patio table - so she lost her dinner for not sitting down and went straight to bed. She was REALLY tired - and we've battled the dinner thing for too long now. We give her a couple of chances to come sit down and eat with us and we've told her that if she keeps getting up we'll take her dinner away. This is the first time we've done it - so I'll let you know how it works tonight. :) Toddlers are SOOO much fun!!! haha

 

amanda17 - June 8

I guess I just wasn't expecting a toddler att_tude this early. I knew it would happen eventually but I heard for most people it happens at 18+ months old. I wanted to enjoy her obedience for a little while longer before it disappeared forever haha. I do all the things you guys suggested but like you said fefer, they don't always work. Actually most of the time they don't. I was just wondering if there's something more I should be doing. I thought if she's testing her boundaries I've got to be setting them for her. It's going to be a lot of work keeping this up!

 

eastcoast - June 8

Kai's been like that for a couple of weeks now, but like DDT said, I think most of it is just out of frustration. It would be horrible to know what you want and either not be able to have it or even really articulate why you want it. With him, distraction doesn't work anymore, but I find offering him choices (like Fefer suggested) seems to work well. As long as he thinks he has some control over what's happening, then he's pretty easy going. I know time outs wouldn't work with him right now. He's very stubborn and would just get more frustrated with things if I tried that. As for the bath bit, the way that I keep him sitting down is I'll lean over the side and b__w a few bubbles (while holding onto him of course!) and he gets so excited that he has to try doing it too -usually buys me enough time to get his hair washed:) Also, I'll give him his 'special' toothbrush with his 'special' toothpaste that he's only allowed to have when in the bath tub (different than the ones I normally use) so he can spend some time brushing his own teeth -which he thinks is a really big deal! Kai too, loves pretending to give me something -he'll bring something over to me when I ask for it, but 9 times out of 10, he'll hold it out to me than snatch it back and run away with it laughing -it's a big game to him, so that's what I make it. I'll chase him around the house and we'll both end up laughing on the floor. Good luck, from what I hear, the 'fun' of toddlers is just beginning;)

 

fefer1 - June 9

I do remember reading that Type A personalities can be more difficult because they are so strong willed - they can start tantrums earlier,get more frustrated because they want to do more on their own. Rachel is like that - she is SOOO independent and outgoing and wants to do everything on her own. Part of that is just a toddler, part of it is her extrovert personality. Try giving her more snacks?? See if it's hunger. If that's not it, check that she has enough sleep. If that's not it....just try all the above mentioned and learn patience. :)

 

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