Question To Moms Of Biracial Babies

23 Replies
mischelly30 - March 12

Ok, ladies, I could use your advice. I have a son who is black/white biracial (I am white). For some reason, many strangers feel it is perfectly appropriate to comment on his skin colour. They say things like, "what race is he?" or make comments like, "boy, he has a tan!" It's very bothersome to me and inappropriate, in my opinion, for a stranger to make these types of comments. After all, I would *never* walk up to the parents of an all-white baby and say things like, "wow, your baby's looking pretty pasty!" So, if you are the mom of a biracial or multiracial child, how do you handle these types of comments? Right now, I'm just being brusque, but I'm not sure this is a good long-term solution.

 

mischelly30 - March 13

Oh. I forgot to add in my favorite comment..."is he yours?" That one takes the cake. He looks a LOT like me! Humph.

 

Keli - March 13

ya know, people are just ignorant. I really don't think they mean any harm. They may just be making conversation. People call my bald headed baby ( dressed in coral or green with flowers or bows) a boy. Just because she isnt head to toe pink, she still dresses girly. I dont make any comment. There is no reason to ask questions like you've said. People just need to mind their own business and move on.

 

Samantha1 - March 13

My dd is asain and white i havent gotten many comments except wat a pretty skin color she has but i have gotten many look i dont know wat to say cuz i never got comments like that im sorry that u are having to put up with it just kick em all in the knee lol im just kidding

 

mischelly30 - March 13

lol. No, I don't want to kick them in the knee. I know that people probably don't mean to be offensive (at least, I hope not), but I'm worried what effect this will have on my son later in life (once he starts to notice that people are commenting on his skin colour). Seriously, it happens to us at *least* once a week. Keli, I used to have a male neighbor who had very long, waist-length hair (he was about 7-8). He used to introduce himself as "Hi, I'm Max, and I'm a boy." ! He got so tired of people a__suming he was a girl!!

 

LollyM - March 13

lol, mischelly, that's a cute story about your neighbor. My dd is white (from me) and portuguese and mexican by dh. We don't really get too many comments probably because we live in the san francisco bay area. I do get "is she yours" allot though. Just make sure lo learns about both of his cultures and to be proud of who he is and he will be ok. I wouldn't mind being multi-cultural, I blind people with my whiteness! lol

 

MizzLuvv - March 13

I'm biracial (black & white) but I'm pretty light (so light I used to go tanning years ago). I did get my fair share of "what are u?" growing up, but after awhile I got used to it. It became a normal question to me just like what's ur name. I took it as their curiosity not trying to be mean (usually). Dh is black but dd is just as light as me so I get no questions or looks, but I have noticed he gets looks when we get separated in the store. I seriously doubt anyone would say anything to him & I'm sure he'd be offended. I know I'd be p__sed. I get ppl telling me she's too small & feed her more. She's 7mo & 17lbs, she's not that small. Just yesterday a woman asked her age then said "c'mon she can't be more than 3mo". I said "yeah I just made it up" as I walked away. ppl speak before they think sometimes.

 

Kristin11 - March 13

It is awful how judgemental people can be. My dd is white like me but i still get comments about her being my sister and oh you cant be old enough to have a baby. It is very rude and upsetting, I think most people that see me a__sume i am some 16 year old mommy raising a baby on welfare, umm nope sorry i am 24 and have a husband, job and own my own home. It is fustrating how ignorant people can be.

 

vanja10 - March 13

i'm going to have to get a good comeback for these crazy people. i just gave birth 12 days ago (baby is black/white) and most of my friends when they saw a picture answered back with ohhh, he's white!!! i just answered back w/ what did u expect him to be? green? thomas is kinda olive skin and it's too early to tell, but he definetely doesnt look white. he has his daddy's nose and lips and dark black eyes/hair. even my mom said he didnt look dark. some people! i kinda thought insults would stop after i gave birth lol.. the whole wow u r huge got old pretty fast... oh he must be a big baby lol... i think if someone makes a comment about his skin i'll just answer w/ he's adorable isn't he? lol

 

bbelmore - March 13

I am half white/half black myself, my mother is white, and my sister is also half, but is much darker. My mom got the looks and the "are they yours" quite a bit, and I still get asked what race I am. Most people think I am spanish or something. I don't think when people ask they are trying to figure it out. A lot of the time they start out the question saying how beautiful I am, and what a nice skintone. It can get annoying to repeatedly explain my heritage, but I have never felt offended by the questions. I would just tell them, and if you're not comfortable telling them, then just walk away, it's nobody's business anyway! :)

 

Emily - March 13

You know some people are just stupid. We named our first dd Mary. Not that this compares to the questions you get but we would get asked what we were going to call her. My husband started telling people we were going to call her Jack. If it really gets to where they are rude, I would serouisly retort something like hes half alien. I mean come on, ask a stupid question and get a stupid answer. We happen to both we white with a little American Indian in the mix but not really enough to notice any skin color changes. You can see it in my hubbys features sometimes but not that anyone would notice. My hubby has a cousin who married a black man and they have very dark kids. Cutest things. I will have to ask how she handles the questions as she def has very fair skin.

 

Emmie - March 13

This isnt exactly the same thing as you are going through but my son is 11 months old and people come up all the time and say what a cute little girl. He is so obviously a boy I mean baseb___s on his shirts, blue jean overalls, always red and blue colors. People just dont think before they talk. I also get is he yours-you are so young-I am 23. People just dont have common sense.

 

aggie03 - March 13

I would like to play devils advocate on this one, mainly bc my mom is probably one of the people you are talking about. lol...I think, or hope that most comments of this nature are more out of curiosity, not hate...Although I dont agree with the "what race is he?" but I have caught my mother asking, "your child has the such a beautiful complexion where does he get it from your family or his fathers?" I believe that biracial people are some of the most beautiful in the world, mainly bc they have unique features and skin tones. (my aunts neighbor was outside with her kids one day, prettiest little girls I have ever seen, I cant lie that I waited around to see the dad come home to check out what combo made those beautiful kids....i was just curious...is that wrong?? if so I apologize) I think that when you are different those question seem to be a defining characteristic...like where are you from? I have friends from just about every ethnicity there is and I would hope that they would not be offend if I asked them where they were from...but then again I guess that is the purpose of my post...is it realy rude to ask? I would be proud of what I was 'made' of enough to not be offend by those who are truely curious and not out to be mean. I dont know enlighten me please?! (people sometimes ask me "what I have in me" , which is a rude way to put it I agree, I have a strange complexion in the summer, I proudly reply, Im Alsacian, unfortunately no one knows what that is...and I have to check the "plain old white box" :(

 

Ciarasmom - March 13

I'm proud that my dd is biracial, she is caucasian and Filipino. No one has come up to me yet to comment, the only thing that would bother me is it they don't think she is mine but thank god that has not happened yet. I hope that by the more biracial or multiracial individuals there are in the world it will get rid of people be racist. It makes me very happy when I see children with parents from different cultures. Don't take affense to the questions, people are nosy and feel they have the right to ask any question they want. Also if the person is older they are from a different generation and are not used to seeing children from mixed backgrounds. The more you let it bother u the more it will bother u. Just take it in stride.

 

Ciarasmom - March 13

I just re-read my post and I realized that my first line might be offensive I didn't mean it to be. Also if your son sees it bothers you, it may start to bother him. He seems to know how to react to peoples comments, especially by letting people know he is a boy. Try not to let it bother u.

 

jodylb0221 - March 13

People are so ignorant, its scary, i had a beautiful baby boy 2 1/2 weeks ago, he is biracial. i am white and my bf is black. at his work place he was showing pictures of his son, and they started questioning my fidelity asking hin if he is sure that the baby is his. our son has dark brown hair, its super straight and his complexion is a few shades darker than mine. i tell you some people have alot of nerve

 

ash2 - March 13

First off, i want to say that i am white and DH is vietnamese....Our kids are bi-racial, and we get " looks " like you wouldnt believe ! Honestly, i think maybe is because people now a days are getting to be biracial through different colors other than black/ white race. There are MANY races breeding together and it is getting more and more common. I do think in 30 years, the white race will be almost extinct, lol.....You have whites breeding with all kinds of races these days, because people are looking beyond colors these days. More and more people are coming over from different countries and falling in love with people other than their own race...this is my opinion, i believe years ago it was " hush-hush " to date outside of ones race, ecpescially blacks and whites. Now that it is more common to do that now a days, it kind of serves as an " okay " to do it , or like permission that they will not get ridiculed now because it is so common. I know my dad had a real problem with me getting married to a vietnamese. He called him a " sand nigger " right to his face. Needless to say i knew right then he rasied us to be very racist and not like anyone other than the white race. I resent my dad for that, but like me, he has grown to love DH as much as i do. And i think that is the problem. Under skin color there is a person with feelings and someone who you can grow to love. just like yourself. Soooooooo, back to the original question ( i get so wrapped up in these topics ) lol ..i think they mainly look because they are interested. You dont see alot of asian/ white race these days around where i live so you get a lot of people wanting to see what it looks like when it is mixed. I got lots of comments like " where did you adopt him from ?" , or " aww, what nationality is he ? " ....i would just take it as a compliment for people to say and ask these questions. After all, i think they just want to learn and know. I like to educate people every chance i get on bi-racial children and that it is indeed, OKAY, to have them . Ecspecially when you see a blonde haired , blue eyed, 5'6 white gal with a black haired, brown eyed, 5' 3 asian guy together...lol

 

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