Really Need To Vent

16 Replies
countrymom401 - May 5

OMG So I had my mother in law babysit the other night so we could go out for dinner as it was our anniversary. Who I really don't like much. But being my husbands mother she does deserve to know her grandson. Anyway back to the point. We get home and I go to change his diaper. I don't know how but it is on backwards. The elastic band chaffed his little weiner so bad and on top of that I don't think she even wiped his bum. He had a huge streak in his diaper and his little bum is so red now. He just got over a bad diaper rash and now this. I'm sorry I'm p___sed. Like how can you not know to wipe his bum good. Or how to put on a diaper the right friggin way. I mean I don't think diapers have changed that much over the last 30 years that you wouldn't know how to put it on properly. I only mentioned it to my husband as every time I try talking to her things get all messed up and she cries to my f in law.So I just don't really talk to her because it always ends up exaggerated and dramatized so bad it's not worth it. But she has been bugging me saying that anytime she will babysit. She even quit her job so that she can watch him maybe this summer so I can have time to myself. Well I don't need time to myself that bad. Not to have her here every day. They live 10 mins away never call just walk in. They don't even knock. She walked into the bathroom the other day when I was taking a c__p because I didn't yell out and My lo was just in the front room all alone. He is 14 months he could come to the door if he needed me he always does. Sorry I'm rambling. Well no I'm venting. I can't wait to buy a place it sure as h__l will be farther then this I tell you . well thats enough for now. Thanks for listening.

 

evae777 - May 5

countrymom, if it makes you feel better my dh has a really nice mom, but when i was 9 days postpartum she flew out here & no one even asked me if it was okay. i was moody & felt disregarded and was upset. anyways dh got mad at me when he found out from looking in myemails that i was venting about his mom visiting when i did not want her to. what i am saying is... even the nicest mother in laws can cross your boundaries and push your limits not to say the annoying ones! Just can't win with the in laws! urgghh

 

gurinsa - May 5

okay, this sounds exactly like my situation - except its MY OWN MOTHER! A few months back, I had the same thing happen when I went to change her diaper - it was scotch taped together and put on backwards. She will feed her from any new bottle or sippy that she can find. She buys walkers, cribs, and strollers that are used and not put together properly. She won't nap her when she needs to be napped. She was convinced that she was going to potty train her and was holding her over the toilet every time she thought my daugher was going. She walks right into our house unannounced and without calling. She rearranged her schedule to babysit but I barely trust her with the baby! Okay - sorry,,,now I"M venting. I know it doesn't make your situation better but know that its happening to me too!!!!!!!!!

 

julie2007 - May 5

i have to say - as an outsider who has lost her mom (died early) and has no family around to "help" no less babysit so i could have time to myself or go out to dinner --- you sound a bit ungrateful! -- YES diapers have changed a lot in 30 years - so has the way babies are raised. (it used to be babies had to be put to bed on their stomachs not backs) - anywho -- it would likely behoove you all to have some diapering lessons & maybe some childcare tips from you to her as to how you prefer to have your child raised. it will be different from your MIL - from your neighbor - and from many other mothers. it's not right or wrong - just different. ---- so perhaps it would make everyone feel better if you all spent some time showing grandma what you do and don't like to be done. who knows maybe she will have some tips for you -- ? but either way i think you should be grateful for the help you are getting. (and maybe lock your bathroom door next time you are using the commode -- obviously your 14 month old won't be "needing " to come in there for anything if grandmom is right there to hang out with.

 

gurinsa - May 5

julie - I'm sorry about your mom. That being said - country and I were venting about situations that are extrememly frustrating. This post was not meant to offend anyone or ask for judgement. You have no idea what I have been through with my mother and I would appreciate it if you would not make a__sumptions. Yes- many of the things that my mother does ARE in fact wrong - not just different. And it wasn't just the wrong-way-diaper that led to this venting session, it was a string of things. Trust me..I have had MANY MANY MANY MANY conversations with her. Please allow us to vent about issues that are very real and very frustrating to us..its obvious that you don't understand!

 

julie2007 - May 5

gurinsa ------- thanks for the condolences - but it's obvious YOU are the one who doesn't understand. your mother (MIL) is still here! still able to help and give advice (wanted or not) and more importantly --- TO LOVE HER GRAND CHILD. and i was not responding to your post - i was responding to the original post on here...... i hadn't read your post yet. but i just did - and honestly - it made me feel so sad i wanted to cry. i would pay any sum of money to have my mother "just walk in" my home - or roll in in her wheel chair. i would like you to look at your post and TRY -- just TRY to appreciate that (you are the one who said) she REARRANGED her schedule to babysit (how rude of her!!) and i am sure she charges you a fortune on top of that!! as for buying your baby things -- be thankful - and perhaps make a list of things she really wants/ needs that you APPROVE of --? there are many people who go without things for themselves - to buy things (USED or not!) for their own children. but most importantly --- realize she is only buying you used mis put together items, trying to potty train your baby, and rearranging her schedule to accomodate babysitting for you --- because she felt she did a good job raising you ------ (do you think she didn't do a good job with you?? ) --- and she wants to do the best she can for your baby / her grand baby...... please realize you DON"T KNOW WHAT YOU"VE GOT TILL IT"S GONE. (and i don't wish any of you losing your parents!!!! it's awful!) but please dont' feel that they are doing things to intentionally hurt/ annoy/ aggravate you or your child -- you sound like a spoiled selfish ungrateful brat! (and i am sure your mother raised you better than that!) --- please ladies - this is not meant to be a debate on things - but moreso to maybe let you see that you are indeed LUCKY to have these women involved in your lives.

 

tish212 - May 5

i am sorry you have to deal with that...my mil is pretty nice, its just she never wants to let my dd take a nap, she wants to hold her nonstop then that messes up her schedule so bad, and i get a fussy tired baby returned to me.... however i DO NOT let my mother see my dd due to my mother being an alcoholic and chain smoker...i don't want smoke around my dd and i have asked her not to smoke near her, and her reply is i smoked around you and you are ok, (im NOT i have severe asthma and so does my little brother) and she is always drunk, to the point she sways and falls over, why would i want someone like that carrying my dd? My biggest complaint right now...is that my mil is trying to clear stuff out of her house, and she knows dh and i have been getting rid of tons of stuff...since we dont need half the junk we have, i had told her several times that we didn't want ANY of the stuff she was getting rid of...im getting rid of all the excess why would i want more?? well the other day she found out dh and i weren't home so she just brought over truck loads of junk and put it in our car port....we got there right when she was done and she was like oh i brought you stuff if you dont want it just get rid of it/....wait, i already have enough c___p to get rid of now i gotta get rid of hers too? so i said to her, no take it back i told you we didn't want anything, and then she said, oh my back hurts too much so you can just get rid of what you dont want...uggg so last week i had JUST cleaned out the car port, and now its full of c___p again. Its like a never ending cycle then she has the nerve to tell me like 2 days later that we should straighten up our back yard area looks bad..i coulda screamed at her!

 

evae777 - May 6

julie sorry to hear about your loss. it is obviously a very delicate issue & we all go through it at some point & lives are changed for good. It s good to know how to be grateful of what we have instead of looking at the negative - that is surely the best way to live life. However this post is meant for countrymom to vent & obviously she wants comfort. We are all wise enough to know that venting is just that--- venting. It doesn't make people wrong or right to vent & that doesn't mean at the end of the day these women are ungrateful of what they have or they have deeply bad intentions for their moms or they are bad people. But Julie2007, if hearing someone vent about their mom affects you this much to where you are calling Gurinsa a spoiled brat & you feel like you need to teach some obvious life lessons then you probably have some deep rooted issues you need to work through because that is not a sign of someone that is at peace with the loss of a parent. And it is easy to give others advice as to how to talk to their moms, etc etc. but easier said then done. If it was that welcoming and easy to speak our minds to our mothers and MIL's then people wouldn't be on here trying to get some relief with a little venting, now, would they? My point is... we have compa__sion for you julie2007 of your loss... now give some compa__sion in return for a frustrated mom that just simply needed to vent.

 

evae777 - May 6

and tish -- boy that stinks to have to clear out all that junk, we have a ton of clutter and it is endless. I can't imagine someone just dumping more on top of that and leaving it there!

 

countrymom401 - May 6

Thank you ladies it is nice knowing I am not the only one out there with MIL issues. I never meant to start a debate I was JUST venting. As for you Julie I am not ungrateful or a spoiled brat. She never asked me if I needed her to watch my lo. She just rearranged her schedule all on her own and then said that now she will be free. I guess though you don't really understand my situation at all and that is fine. I think if you did you might get a better picture. She used to spy on me with binoculars when we lived down the road. Before I had my lo. I had a miscarriage and she told my dh to leave me and that he should at least get a wife who can have kids. She makes up stuff to tell my dh so he will get mad at me just to start fights. She read my diary and tried to turn it against me. She is a chain smoker and heavy drinker. And there is so much more. So if you still think I am ungrateful and spoiled I would hate to see your idea of grateful and not spoiled. By the way after all this. As I said before I want my son to love her. I never had any grandparents they had all died before I was born. I wish I had one growing up let alone 4. As for your mother I am sorry. I am sure that you had a good relationship with her. With respect and boundaries I am sure you loved her as well. But don't come on here all full of anger . Not everyone has these wonderful relationships that you had with her or even I have with my mother.. Oh course we miss those who are gone. But sometimes people on here need to vent and if you can't help but insult people by name calling maybe you should just not reply at all.

 

countrymom401 - May 6

Oh and Tish that has happened to me. I live on a farm and right now the back of my quonset if full of there stuff that they say when they build a shop it will go. I know how you feel. Its like why do I want to keep your junk. I don't even want my own. I swear they do it just to drive us crazy and because they are scared to throw stuff out in case someone ever needs it. I have 3 mufflers. A hood and so many other car parts lying around from my FIL its not even funny. Just in case someone ever needs it.

 

gurinsa - May 6

I asked pregnancyinfo to review her post. We don't need to be called names so hopefully they will delete and we can carry on!

 

llukenjess - May 6

gurinsa how did u ask pregnancy info to review her post...i am having a problem with someone else on another post and they're being extremely rude and saying hurtful things....

 

tish212 - May 6

countrymom- exactly!! thats just it, she gives us all the junk cuz she is scared to throw it out incase some time someone will want it, so if i throw it out she wont feel bad, but dh and i have collected enough junk over the years, and now that dd is trying to learn to crawl we are trying to get rid of all the stuff we dont NEED. we have no room in our living room due to all dd toys and play area, so we are trying to get rid of all our stuff to make more room for her and her things... uggg and before it got warm out i spent a long time getting my yard nice and straight since last year i couldn't do it due to my pregnancy and bed rest, then she goes and adds junk to it...lol! I like my mil, in fact i love her to pieces she is much better a mother than my own, and she adores my dd she cant go out shopping without buy dd some toy or outfit, before she was ever born she had bought dd everything, all of her stuff was bought by mil...lol the only thing dh and i got to buy was her carseat and stroller!! which i appreciate A LOT, however on the OTHER end, my mother is like your mil i have to say you are the bigger person than I, since i have cut my mother off completely... which was easy cuz its my mother my choice, whereas with you, its your dh mother and therefore has to be a mutual decsion. My mother, like your mil talks c___p about me to everyone- she bad mouths me whenever she can- my daughter looks just like me, except she has red haid and yet my mother said she looks like my brother- who is only my half brother and looks nothing like me, because she didn't want to say my dd was pretty in the same convo as saying she looks like me! I can completely understand where you are coming from, it gets so frustrating, i tried to have my mother have a relationship with dd, but when she picked dd up and began to sway and almost fall due to her drunkeness while holding my dd, i said no more, either she stop drinking or she wont see her, well she hasn't stopped drinking, so tell me which means more to her??? i wont debate the arguement that is going on here, however i will say it is better country mom says it here than rant to her mil and make things worse... without knowing her and her complete situation it isn't fair to judge what kind of person she is just by reading a complaint she has, we all complain or vent to someone... she knows that venting her, she would run across ppl who feel the same as her, and that helps....to be able to talk it out with someone... thats all i have to say on that... evae777 junk is like the never ending thing lol its like u look at it & dont know where 2 begin...lol

 

gurinsa - May 6

lluckenjess - I just clicked on the "poor taste" link. Sorry to hear that you are going through that. Good luck!

 

melissap - May 6

Oh countrymom I hear you on the in law issue. Mine live across the road which can be nice but ohh the issues we have. They have always babysat my kids in the summer so we could both work which was nice, but last spring they decided that they did not like mine and dh's rules regarding supper ( which is sit at the table and eat and stay until everyone is done) which we had decided on together which we do every rule. They told us that we were unreasonbale and bad parents and they had raised our kids anyway so our rules didn't count. I was preggo with #3 at that time and I just stopped talking to them for 6 months. Well now they are a little more careful of what they say and I am in the process of getting my kids into daycare. I would rather just pay then have to deal with that c___p all the time. They do take good care of the kids but I am not a bad parent nor do I think rules and some discipline is wrong either. I now state that our rules go and if they do not like it they can just not have the kids.

 

tish212 - May 6

Melissa- that really sucks, i cant believe she would say something like that to you, i used to live next door to my mil, but that was just too much so we moved about 20 minutes away it is much easier this way, however when i was growing up we had the same rule that everyone ate to the table and everyone stayed till dinner was over, and i plan to do that with my kids as well.... so i have to agree with that rule... its good family time and its common respect...

 

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