Sad About The Future

8 Replies
eclipse - January 29

I am really having a tough time right now. My family is so wonderful. I love being home with my son. And it can't last. We are getting help from my husbands parents so I can stay home with my son the first 6 months of his life (until May). I had to quit my job because they wouldn't give me a leave of absence on top of the 12 weeks unpaid FMLA. Our mortgage just went up 200 a month because of the taxes and insurance (floridians, enough said). If I don't work after the 6 months, bills won't get paid, but I don't want my son to have to be in daycare at such a young age. I like staying home with him, but it can be very lonely because I have no family down here to help and I don't see my husband as much as I would like. He is so good with our son and I just wish we both could stay home with him all the time and the bills would magically get paid (ah, the American Dream). I want to work and have him in daycare as little as possible, but I want to see my husband too. Am I asking too much? Am I a bad, whiny person that just needs to suck it up? Any suggestions or comments? Sorry about the vent, I'm just worried about my little family and the future.

 

ash2 - January 29

Well i know that you dont want him to be at daycare, or you dont want to work, but sometimes if you dont have many options , you have to. I know that is not what you wanted to hear, but alot of these SAHM's are being finnacially supported by their husbands. I can almost guarantee that if their husband lost their job, or didnt make enough, that they would be out there looking for a job too if push comes to shove. Sometimes to make it through life you have to put your NEEDS before your WANTS....in this case, you might have to. I hope things work out for you ...good luck.

 

LisaB - January 29

I don't think your being whiny. It was weird reading this because I posted something like this a few months back when I had to go back to work. I felt the same exact way. I was ablle to stay home with my ds until he was 11months and it was wonderful I pouted, cried and threw a hissy fit for about a month when I had to go back to work. We opened our own business with the hopes that in the future it will allow us more family time together. Right now I work Mon-Friday 10-6 every other Saturday 10-4 my dh works Mon-Firday leaves with ds to go to an inhome day care at 2 then I pick up ds at 6 so hes in day care 4 hours. My dh then works every other Saturday at the store. We LIVE for Saturday night and Sunday. It is very hard on our marriage but we feel its best for our ds so we do what we have to. We are hoping that we can eventually have my dh more invovled in the store and he can cut his hours at his job. Until then I'm playing the lottery!! It is a very hard balance and you will end up sacraficing something you just have to decide what. We often talk about my dh getting a job wating tables- he used to mamage a resturant and the servers would amke 100-150 a night with health benefits and it is limited hours and flexible so that might be something you want to look into also. It wouldn't be a glamourous job for my dh but its about quailty of life so....

 

lexa - January 29

I don't feel you are being "whiny". You are reacting like a new mother in my opinion! A lot of new moms want to stay home with their children and some are fortunate enough to do so. Then there is the rest of us that need to work to make ends meet! Honestly, the longer you have off, probably the harder it will be to get back out there. Maybe look at what exactly you need to bring in a month to pay bills and base your new job on that. If you can swing part time...great. If not, try to find a job that will somehow accommodate your wants. Maybe a weekend shift (to help lessen daycare) or a couple of evening shifts. I understand that is time away from your husband (if he works daylight), but it is less time your son will be in daycare. I don't know what type of work you do, but what about looking into working at a daycare? That way you can take your son with you? (just a thought). I hope it all works out for you. Good luck~

 

rl- - January 29

Have you thought about maybe getting a job at a daycare so your lo could be with you? I know what you mean about the taxes/insurance I live in fla too ours went up as well which sucks so much...but like I said check into daycares hiring near where you live and also maybe you could do some babysitting for others around you....sorry that you have to go back but atleast your getting 6 months off I had to go back after 8wks I was lucky I got paid for my time off short term disability and my mom takes care of my ds for me now that I am back to work. well hope you figure out something but it will be ok daycare is not so bad for lo I plan to put mine in daycare when he turns 2 just cause I think he needs to be around other kids his age

 

LisaB - January 29

sorry for the typos-

 

piratesmermaid - January 29

I could have written this post myself, eclipse. I'm in the exact same situation (with the exception of the increase in morgage, though I lived in MS most of my life, so I understand the insurance issue). We bought our house in WY with the understanding that my hubby was going to be making more by now, and the boss didn't keep his promise. In addition to me having to find a job in another month, I'm going back to school in the fall, but Gretchen'll be over a year by then which is better. I mean, I'm going to look for a job, because I have to, because it'll help so much, but I'm going to try to compromise by trying to get a parttime evening job, that way I'm still at home with Gretchen most of the day. Granted, I won't get to see hubby as much, but he's been working late anyway, so my working isn't really going to affect that so long as we both have weekends off, that's my goal, anyway.

 

in the woods - January 29

eclipse - to be truthful, on the profound level I think it is dreadfully wrong in our society to make mothers and babies separate. At 8 weeks!!! At 12 weeks!!! There is something wrong with our Western way. The Canadians get 1 year maternity, but to me, even 1 year old baby is too dependent on his/her mom. I stay at home with a 24 months old and a 3.5 year old - and still can't imagine giving them to a daycare!!!! What helps us - we live in a rural area (less expenses - no fancy clothing or equipment lol). We have no mortgage. I grow my veggies and other food. We are late bloomer parents and probably have acc_mulated a bit more material support, but it is still hard. If we had more little kids in the neighbourhood I'd open a daycare - I think that is the best for a mom who wants to be with her child, esp. if you live in a city with a lot of childcare demand. Yes, motherhood is full of challenges. The good thing is - kids are pretty adaptive, if you MUST go to work and your kid must spend days with other people, it most likely will NOT hurt him developmentally. BTW, we do not have any family either - my dh's family all died, my family is in a far away country. Yep, you make lemonade from lemons.

 

eclipse - January 30

Thank you all for your encouraging words. You know, its really daunting when you look at the big picture, so I guess I should cut that out. I also want to go back to school. Maybe I should just suck it up, take out loans, and take care of the little mite at home (daycare) like you guys suggested. I have worked healthcare in the past, and would like to get back to that. I agree that our system is broken and more than anything, I wish for change. But until that day, we all have to do what we can to survive. Thanks again, and keep the suggestions coming!

 

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