Serious Sleep Question

15 Replies
nic nac - June 8

I know that a lot of us have sleep issues and I know that babies have shorter sleep cycles (45 min). But what makes some sleep through the night and others wake every two hours (assuming the aren't hungry or overtired)? Why choose CIO as opposed to other methods?

 

pbj - June 8

I think the idea of CIO teaches them to soothe themselves to sleep as opposed to looking outward for rea__surance. I don't believe CIO works for all babies, it didn't for mine. (maybe it was due to the fact that I'm a softy and couldn't take it) As far as babies waking every two hours etc. I believe is just for comfort, which therein lies the purpose of CIO. If I baby learns to put him/herself to sleep more than likely they will not cry out for someone to soothe them back to sleep. All babies wake at night, just like we do, but should be able to go back to sleep. The child that cries out at night needs comforting and does not know how to do this on his/her own. I don't know if that's what you were asking, but I think so. I personally did something in between. I soothed my dd to calm her, but before she fell asleep I placed her in the crib. I allowed her to whimper and fuss, but I never allowed her to scream. If she did scream we started over. I started that about 1.5 mths ago and for the most part it has worked very well. She would always wake at night for us to give her, her pacifier; she rarely does that anymore. She can put herself to sleep 90% of the time, sometimes I need to give her a little help, but I don't pick her up, I just rub her back.

 

Mel_C - June 9

pbj - can I ask how long it took for you to see results with your variation, and how old your dd is? I'm looking for options for my ds who is 14 weeks!

 

YC - June 9

Just to piggy back on what pbj was saying, yes some wake every two hours for comfort initially and accoding to my ped this then becomes a habit. They are not hungry and dont really need to get up but they teach themselves this habit. She is also right that all babies wake up during the night. They go through differnt sleep cycles of very heavy sleeping to light sleeping. If you look at sleep studies on adults we do the same thing however we have learned to not fully wake ourselves. I am not opposed to the CIO method myself. In fact we were prepared to have to use but luckily we have not had to and she will be 6 months old next Saturday. We kind of do the same thing as pbj...we bathe her, baby ma__sage, dress and feed her. She is usually showing the signs of being tired (rubbing her eyes, etc). I put her down while she is sleepy but still awake and she is able to put herself to sleep. Every once in a while we have to help her but 95% of the time she does this herself. Our ped. said that it is very important to put them down this way. Sleepy but sill away so that they can teach themselves. She used to wake a few times a night for her pacifier but as of the last few weeks she hasn't really needed this either. Good luck in whatever you choose. Remember you ar ethe mommy so do what YOU feel will work best for your little one.

 

nic nac - June 9

thank you ladies. Last night my dd was so tired so i put her down at 7 awake and it took her almost 2 hours to go to sleep on her own. But then she woke up a 11 and 2. My hubby put her back to sleep when she woke at 11 but when she woke at 2, i let her cry. My hubby went in and brought her to our bed. He noticed that she only likes to sleep on her side and will sleep longer that way. Even when he brought her to our bed she screamed when she was put on her back but when she went on her side she was fine. I did notice that when she is in her crib she likes to sleep on her side but I always put her on her back , then she wakes up a couple of hours later crying. Sometimes it's hard for her to get on her side while in the crib for some reason. Maybe that's why she keeps waking up. I was ready to let her CIO and he was all for CIO in the beginning but now he doesn't like it so we have to compromise somehow. I am so scared of the whole SIDS thing. She sleeps and wakes the same no matter where she sleeps so I may put her on her side tonight to see how that works. I know it's bad but what else do i do? I really wanted to do the CIO but it may not be necessary if this works. If it doesn't work then I will try pbj's way.

 

nic nac - June 9

you two answered my questions perfectly. I would also like to know pbj how long it took you to do your method with success?

 

pbj - June 9

Sorry, I didn't answer sooner. I would say about a week (give or take a few days). I will say thought that my LO is 6.5 mths right now, when we tried it previously it didn't work. I think she got to the point where being held to go to sleep was not comfortable for her either, (now that she's 18 lbs) I can no longer hold her the same as I did when she was 10lbs. One suggestion that my ped gave us which worked really well for all of us was while you're doing CIO (which we really didn't follow through with), is to be sure that if they cry out at night while you're trying this new method, go to him/her and pick him/her up immediately as to not disrupt yours or your baby's sleep. Like I said sometimes we still have some a tough time getting her to sleep but the majority of the time it's pretty easy. Also it really helps to read them well. If you're trying to put your LO to sleep at 7 pm and his internal clock is set for 8 pm you can really have a rough time. I would suggest maybe watching your baby for a few days and see when he/she becomes naturally tired that way you're not trying to fight an uphill battle. Good luck

 

nic nac - June 9

thanks pbj. last month she was tired by 8. now i cut her total naptime from 4 hours to 3 (as recommended by the ped). Now she is dead tired by 7 or 7:30. Is it too disrutive to have a bedtime that varies by one full hour?

 

pbj - June 9

nic nac I'm really sorry that I didn't respond earlier, I've had other drama (mostly on my part) going on another thread. I don't think it's too disruptive. Mattea goes to bed anywhere fromm 7-8 pm. It just depends on when her last nap ended, which can vary. It's hard to pin them down to a time I think. Everytime you think they're on one schedule they go through a growth spurt, a new developmental phase or really just a number of baby things. I usually just try to follow a nighttime routine in which we eat dinner between 6-6:30 after that it's bathtime, we read a book or have a little mellow playtime with daddy (which is really just kisses on her belly and feet), a bottle then it's off to bed. Sometimes we don't make it to bed until 8:00, but it's just really about reading her. I could try to force her to go to sleep at 7 and she can scream and kick or I can just wait until I see some sleepy signs and have a peaceful cuddle then she goes right off to sleep in her crib. I'll take the later any day. Good luck

 

nic nac - June 9

oh, pbj i have been reading the drama on the other thread and i really wanted to comment but decided not to. just as you finished your post i just finished reading the last post on the other thread. Aaliyah was tired at 8:00, she fell asleep and woke up 5 min. later and is on our bed playin with daddy as i type. as soon as she showed signs of sleepiness i put her down. then she wouldn't go back to sleep. i don't know. i really want to do the CIO because it seems the fastest way to go but my dh doesn't want to so i am stuck. i can try your method when i am on night duty but when it is his turn he will not have the patience to do it so i don't know what to do.

 

LisaB - June 9

nic nac I know we have talked before about sleep issues and I wish I could help you. I think cio works if you can find a way to do it that you are comfortable with. My ds has slept thru the night three nights in a row then last night he was up three times (tummy troubles due to new food) The only thing recent that I have done differnet is take his sleep positioner out of his crib now I find him sleeping on his belly (of course) so maybe he is more comfy. Last night when we went to bed he had his little b___t up in the air too cute. Anyway maybe he was just ready to sleep thru the night after all I had tried maybe it was up to him. I know that doesn't help much, maybe try to find a balance in the cio that you and dh can live with.

 

pbj - June 9

You just have to find what works for you. I can't promise that my half *ss way will work. Every baby and parent is different. CIO is difficult, you must have nerves of steel. (I think ear plugs help as well, or at least so my neighbor says) Whatever you do just try to be consistant, if you're not it can take FOREVER! Believe me, one day I'd say ok I'm gonna let her CIO, I'd let her cry for 2-3 min then go get her, and we'd start all over again. Poor child was so tired after all that, and confused I'm sure. Oh well, I guess that's the funny part about being a first time mom. Sometimes I feel like a complete moron who has no idea what she is doing. It all works out in the end though. Just a little note too...I love watching my dh playing with my dd, it makes me want to burst out in tears everytime. I know you must feel the same way.

 

Dalinkwent - June 9

Oh. My. What loving parent could even suggest hearing plugs in their ears!! Oh the humanity!! I long to call DFCAS on such a reccomendation!! Jesus, have mercy!! Babies need to be heard all the time lest you neglect their needs! Oh my! Please don't listen to such advice! the time you will spend without decent rest is negligible in your entire lifespan. It's your baby. You will make it! Oh, my heart is breaking just reading this! CIO is murder, child abuse!! Heaven help us all!!

 

Bonnie - June 10

Can I just be the first to say....................ummmm, anyway!...................."i really want to do the CIO because it seems the fastest way to go but my dh doesn't want to so i am stuck. " Girlie, I knwo we have been talking and I really think this is key and teh biggest issue. You have to both be on the same page and stick to it without wavering or she is just going to get confused. I know there is another method out there (I am thinking Baby Wipserer but I may be wrong) that does the same sort of thing, but everytime she cries heavily you pick her up and then put her down when she stops over and over. I am sure someone can come in here and post it. I would suggest to hit up the library or a book store. Talk with your DH and meet somewhere in the middle so that you both can agree to it. Can someone let her know is what I am talking about is Baby Wisperer or not?

 

nic nac - June 10

pbj, i hear you. Your way is the same way as described in the Baby Whisperer book. I do have that book Bonnie. You and Bonnie are right that we both need to be on the same page. So we have agreed that we don't want to use the CIO method and will try the pick/up put/down method as described in the book. In that method you pick up the baby before they cry heavily so they don't get too worked up and you put them down as soon as they stop crying. Honestly, both methods are hard work and tiring but as long as dh agrees then we are ok. The funny thing is Bonnie, said I was rushing in too much and to let her cry, he wanted to do the CIO until he got a sample of what it really involved. Bonnie I really thank you so much for your advice and I will keep you posted on the progress. I know i seem to beat a dead horse with questions regarding sleep but truthfully like pbj said i sometimes feel like a moron, lol. Being a first time mom is difficult as you both know. And yes pbj, i love watching my dd and dh play together, lovely huh.

 

nic nac - June 10

Regarding my judement statement, i mean that I don't judge the different methods of parenting, but I will comment to anyone who I think is rude and I do understand that things get heated on this board at times and I am fine with that cuz that's just the way it is. We are all free to leave.

 

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