THANKS FOR THE SUPPORT From Newbie

15 Replies
newbie - January 19

well, I left and am at my parents.... I feel much better now that i am away from DF. there was more to the story than i could tell you at the time.... i have left 2 times before and i always came back with the promise things were better. I am only 19 and there is a 6 year diff in age between us but for some reason I alway felt like the mature one. when he would get mad at me he would alway tell me i was crazy and stupid and that i needed to be put on meds( before and after the he hit me!!!).... why?? because i need to learn when i can and can't talk. Like I am a child at school who needs a pass to the bathroom. He has no emotion. I plan on trying to find a way to go back to school to further my education for myself and my child.( i have a HS diploma). He has told some people that he was going to go to anger managment and I hope he does for himself but I don't want him thinking he is doing me any favors. I Thank all of you who supported me and gave me advice. I love you all like family. (p.s. my dad is a computer junkie plus i have my daughter so not alot of free time for the computer sorry to scare you guys)

 

eclipse - January 19

Thank God you are ok. We were worried sick. You are very strong and we are really glad you are ok and made the move. I was sort of not surprised to hear from you-I figured you got out and didn't have access. No matter what he says, DO NOT GO BACK!!! If you don't do it for you, do it for your daughter. She needs you as a role model, not him. Good luck with school, with your strength, you will accomplish everything you have ever wanted. You are amazingly strong, I am very proud of you.

 

aurorabunny - January 19

newbie---When I was 19 I was in a marriage that sounds a lot like yours. My then husband was also about 4 years older than me and I think men like my ex-husband and your fiancee like that in a woman (it makes them feel like they have more control). Looking back now over the years, (and now having a baby with my WONDERFUL 2nd husband), I can't believe that I EVER put up with that sort of thing, even for a second. I thankfully did not have any children with him, I'm sure that is a hard thing to deal with. If you have any moments of weakness, or being lonely, just remember that you deserve better than that and that someday you will find that person that you and your little one deserve. My ex-husband also tried anti-depressants, anger management, etc....but never ended up changing the awful person that he was. I hope in your case that your fiancee can change just so he can be a part of his child's life, but don't let ever let your brain trick you!! The mind seems funny like that...you can be away from someone for a while and you seem to forget all the bad stuff and just remember the good times and you start missing the person. It took me a while of going back and having to remember all over again before I finally left my ex-husband for good, but these years later my life is everything I could ever want. GOOD JOB to you for doing what is right for not only your child but for yourself. Just never forget that no one deserves to be treated like that. Good luck in accomplishing all your goals; it sounds like you have taken the first step in obtaining a better life for both of you.

 

Rabbits07 - January 19

Glad you are okay. You and your daughter will be much better off without such a dominating and demeaning influence in your lives. You can do anything you put your mind to!

 

Shana B - January 19

I'm so glad you are ok!! It takes a strong person to do what you did and I think you will be much happier in the long run. I'm not sure of your relationship with your parents, but try to lean on them for support. I'm sure they want the best for you and your lo. Just know you always have a "family" here if you need us.

 

rl- - January 19

I am really glad you got out of that...good for you and just be strong and take care of your lo and yourself as well I wish you lots of luck with going back to school and becoming independant take care and keep us posted ( :

 

sahmof3 - January 19

I'm so glad you found the strength to leave! Way to go!!!

 

Maggie - January 19

Newbie, you are an amazing woman! Your strength and courage are going to be carried on to your daughter. YOU ARE A WONDERFUL ROLE MODEL AND MOTHER! If ever you feel weakness like you may go back, just remember that you would be teaching your daughter that abuse is something she needs to put up with. I think it is wonderful that you want to go back to school. Financial aid and grants are not too difficult to get when you are a single Mom. Go to fafsa.com for info on it. Congrats to you, and God Bless you and your daughter in your new life!

 

missy - January 19

I am very proud of you--it takes ALOT of courage and strength to do what you did!! Good for you! I am so glad you and your lo are ok.

 

ashtynsmom - January 19

We are all so glad you got out!! You deserve so much better for yourself and your child. Stay strong, and don't let him con his way back into your life. Don't let him threaten you either, into coming back with idle threats like " I will take our daughter" or something dumb like that. You have no risk of losing your child, so dont' let him use that against you- it is all B/S!! You are very strong and I admire your will and ambition to get out. So many women stay and hurt themselves and eventually their children by doing so. Be proud of yourself and keep your head up high. No matter what anyone says or thinks... you are an amazing woman and mother to do what you have done. Way to go!!

 

shelly - January 19

glad your ok,good luck.

 

SonyaM - January 19

I am so very proud of you. I am sure that was not an easy thing to do. Thanks for updating us and good luck in taking charge of your life.

 

LisaB - January 19

I am sooooooooooooo glad you re ok!! Stay strong hold yor ground and if you ever need anything ask! I am proud of you not many women have the strength to leave you saved your los and your life.

 

newbie - January 19

i guess im going through the emotions. not really sad because of him but more mad at myself. i dont know how i let someone tell me that i am stupid or that i dont need to talk because i have nothing to say and then hit on me for pointless reasons. why does someone need to feel in control of someone else what makes people that way???? . my mother stayed with a man who abused my sister and myself because she had a drug habit he supported and I remember telling myself i would be d__ned if a man ever did that to me when i got older, and here i was doing the same (minus the drug habit) sometime i think he was making me crazy. you can only hear how stupid and worthless you are as a person for so long before you start believing it. and this all didn't start until after we got married but he started small when i was pregnant and then called me unfit because i went through mild pp after she was born and asked him for help. i was 18 my first child and she had colic i wasn't sure of what i was doing so i asked for help but because i couldn't do it all on my own i was unfit and stupid. I've felt so alone for so long that it doesn't even hurt to actually be without him.I AM NOT GOING TO BE HIS VICTIM I will not be a trophy for him to show off how well he contains his wife. i can't be that woman. i don't want to feel like property i want to be myself and not worry about if i am going to be punished for it..... that's who i am going to be ME.....and im trying not to let him off so easy so im filing for child support but i know he will only quit his job so he doesn't have to pay. girls get this his mother works with abused women and single mom's, but she had the nerve to tell me once( the time he called the law on me after he dragged me off the bed and got on top of me and started hitting me and then called the law on me for trying to defend myself) that she was sure i provoked him when he hit me. how lame is that. yes i provoked him i asked him why he said he would be home at seven and didn't come home til three that morning. yes im sure i provoked him by asking a question, and i am sure i should be ashamed of myself BUT IM NOT!!!!!

 

Shana B - January 19

Good for you! You sound so strong and determined and although I don't know you, it makes me so happy to hear you say that. Your daughter will benefit so much from what you are doing for yourself and for her. Good luck with school and your new life.

 

maryl14 - January 19

newbie i'm glad you got away from that jerk i hope every thing turns out wonderful for you depending on where you live if they have a onestop career center they can help you get training in a certain career or you can call human resources in your town or state

 

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