Vent About Mom

7 Replies
ash2 - January 28

I usually dont like to talk bad about my mom, but today just pulled the string on this one. First of all she tried her hardest to make ends meet with 4 kids and divorced. She really sacrificed alot. But now its like she is different. Things have changed. She sells and breeds wolves, so she still stays pretty busy with work and school, but she still makes no effort to come and see her grandchildren. She has never once offered to come babysitt ( i always have asked her ) and sometimes i really can tell that she doesnt want to do it. The only time she sees them is at church for like one hour. And that is not enoght quality time with them when they have to be quiet ! Everytime i call her i can hear it in her voice that she wants to rush to get off the phone. Today during church she was holding my 8 month old and she held him for like 10 min. and said that he was too much for her and someone else had to get him !! Do you know how much that hurt my feelings !!?? Then to top it all off, my brother has just recently gotten married to this girl and i guess you could say my mom is in compet_tion with her mom because of my brothers little boy is always going up there with her and this makes her very mad. So whenever she sees him , she kisses his A** so it will look like she cares. And when she sees his little boy, she goes crazy over him JUST to make the other grandmother jealous. My MIL on the other hand keeps them both everyday, buys them all kinds of stuff ( not that it really matters ) and never complains or gripes. Am i over-reacting ? Does she really need that much space away from her grandkids ? Or is she really missing out on important things and i need to be upset. They are going to be teenagers by the time she slows down and realizes it !!

 

jillianT - January 28

it does sound like she's showing some favoritism. have you talked to her about this at all?

 

Ca__sJ - January 28

My husband had almost the same conversation about this today about my mom. My parents inherited a lot of money a few years back and it seems like they care more about money than anything else now. My son is 7 months old and she just put a picture of him up at their house. It was like it wouldn't match her fancy house. She babysat once, maybe twice. On the other hand my MIL always wants to see him. She calls, comes over and just loves him to pieces. It makes me so mad because my ds loves my MIL and FIL and he just acts like my mom is just anyone off the street. I don't know if she is just waiting for him to get a little bigger or what but it really hurts my feelings. I am worried that when my ds is older he will pick up on it too. I guess I needed to vent. Sorry no help. lol.

 

ash2 - January 28

Bumpin' it up...

 

SonyaM - January 28

Not in your situation but if I were I would be mad. The only advice I can offer is simply this.....It is what it is..... I know that sucks but you can't change her no matter what you do. All you can do is change the way you react to her. Yes the children will notice it but again there is nothing you can do to change your mother. She has to make the decision to be a bigger part of your childrens lives. All you can do is make your concerns and disappointment known to her and then the ball is in her court. I feel for you and wish you the best. Thank goodness your children have your inlaws.

 

shelly - January 29

Ash ,i have a bit of this problem but with my mil altho its not a problem for me because she drives me round the bend, she has her favorite grandchildren and its all about them them them and dhs brother is permantly annoyed because his children arent even in the running, its such a shame for the kids, tell her how your feeling and that its upsetting you ,see if it makes a difference,maybe she dosent realise,i can see how your feelings would be hurt,i would feel the same.

 

Rabbits07 - January 29

I've experiences bits and pieces of what you are going through from both sides. My mom sits for my sister alot, but rarely ever does for me.....anytime I ask her (which is rare) I can tell she really doesn't want to and she wants to know exactly how long I will be gone and continuously tells me I had better be back when I say I will....I could see it if I had been excessively late before, but I've not. It just seems like she's annoyed to be watching them and is just trying to find something to complain about. My sister says she's that way with her, too though, so maybe that's just the way she is. We do have the prob with my mil preferring some of the other grandkids over ours. She lets all of the other grandkids take turns spending the night, but she won't let ours........she always says, "some other time." Also, she has this horrible habit of when she can't find something calling me and wanting to know if one of my kids took it! That one really makes me mad, but I hold my tongue because she is getting older and forgetful and other than those things she's great. When she calls I am always like, "Shirley, my kids haven't been at your house in.....(however, long it's been....currently it's been about 2 months)" and she says that she's not sure how long it's been gone. I've talked to my sil's about this and she doesn't call them and ask if their kids took anything so it's not like she's just covering all possible grounds. They were actually shocked that she calls me and asks that. I don't know why she does it...my kids have never stolen from her, NEVER. I was also talking to her the other day and she blamed something of hers getting tore up on my kids. My kids didn't do it and I told her so and she said that one of my kids told her that they did it. My daughter said she never told her mamaw that and didn't know why my mil was saying that. I actually knew who did do it as I remembered one of my sil's telling me when her son did it. She's denying it now though, so I guess my kids will carry the blame for that one, too! OKay, sorry, didn't mean to turn your thread into my own personal vent...lol. I know it hurts when the grandparents don't seem to be very interested in your kids, but all you can do is try to make the most of whatever time they do spend.

 

kellens mom - January 29

Ash2- I can totally relate. My MIL lives 12 miles away and has been to the house 2 times since dd was born 9 months ago. We have to go see her and when we do, all she does is talk about dd's cousins and how wonderful they are. MIL will not take any time for dd. Dh and I have let is family know how insignificant they are making us feel. His folks "behave" at the next visit and then things revert back to the "we don't seem to have time for you because we are spending so much time with your brother's kids" syndrome. I am at the point where I completely agree with SonyaM. Your mom will not change, so you are going to have to. Learn to love her for who she is, and be thankful that she keeps her distance. There is less pain that way. Be thankful that your ds has a grandma that loves and cherishes him. What you are feeling is to be expected. It is called "disappointment". I wish you luck coming to terms with this. Try not to let it eat you up. I will say that most days I cope pretty well, but occa__sionally I still find myself mad at my in-laws. I just keep forgiving them for being the people that they are. It is getting easier.

 

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