Visiting A Smoker S Home With Baby

15 Replies
Amanda - April 18

My mother-in-law's husband smokes in their house. When we used to visit (before pregnancy and the baby) he started smoking in his room while we were there because he knew it bothered us. However, when we are not there he smokes in the common areas of the house. Our baby is 5 months old, and my in-laws do not understand why we won't visit for long periods of time. When we go, we usually try to meet at another relative's smoke-free house. When we told them about the effects that being in a smokey house can have on a baby, they viewed it more as an attack on them (his priority to smoke where he pleases, and her cleaning abilities). My mother-in-law thinks that she can clean the house good enough for the smoke not to be a problem. While I am no expert, I am pretty sure that you cannot just clean the house and be rid of the toxic chemicals and residues left behind by years and years of smoking. My husband is getting frustrated with this situation especially since it is his mom. To me, the health and safety of our son is far more important than anyone's hurt feelings. Please advise.


michelle - April 18

I wouldn't take my baby to their house. You're right, the health and safety of your son are more important than hurt feelings. has numerous articles about the effects of smoking on infants. So does the CDC's website. So does WebMD. Perhaps you can print out some articles and share them with your in-laws? Sometimes people respond better to articles than family members. Good luck.


Lisa - April 18

I am unsure of the effect that chemicals and residue can have on the baby, but pa__sive smoking would definitely be a concern. Is there an outside area you can all congregate? Its a difficult situation. I agree that bubs health is a lot more important than hurting their feelings


KEEKEE - April 19

My mother smokes. When she is at my house or at home she goes outside. I don't have to ask her, she just do it.......This is how I feel. If you want to see your grandchild , respect my baby. Showing your respect means no doing something that is going to harm him.So people are rude.Stay away from rude people!!!!.......If your mother in law don't understand then oh well. Always put your child first...Damn, I think that is why people can't stand me now....He He.......DH is always having fits. HE will get over it. Why do dh think their moms do no wrong????Hell, 2nd hand smoke is worst. Look at all the research!!!! Tell them that...........I can go on forever!!!!!!...........Let me know how you handle the situation.........GOOD LUCK!!!!!


babyonboard - April 20

my mum and her 8 brothers and sisters grew up in a house where both parents and the older siblings smoked like chimneys..and none of them have any health problems...i admit its disgusting and i used to not like going to my grans when i was small because of the smell, but there is such a thing as being overly sensitive...would you refuse to take your baby out of the house because f all the toxic pollution in the air?i think not...if you are an american perhaps you should be more concerned about your governments policy on the environment (or lack thereof) it is considerate of your relatives to not smoke in the same room..and i can understand why they are upset at you


Tracey - April 20

While I am no expert, I wouldn't think that having the baby in a smoking environment for short periods of time would hurt him. For an example, I think an evening wouldn't be harmful, but I wouldn't be staying the weekend or anything. Also, being someone that came from a house with smokers, I know that the smoke disappears from the air relatively quickly.What you smell is it getting stuck to furniture, carpenting, etc. So while it may stink, you're not really inhaling second hand smoke. (I'm sure you still get a little, but not nearly like when someone is smoking in the presence of your baby) All the articles published regarding the effects of smoking on babies are referring to the infant being exposed to the smoke all the time (such as in your own home). If your father in law doesn't smoke directly around the baby, I wouldn't be too concerned. Think about all the places you take your baby where there's smoke and probably don't even get concerned, such as restaurants. Heck, some big cities have enough pollution in the air that it's probably just as harmful as cigarette smoke. You're not going to be able to shield your baby from everything. The plain fact is that your baby is GOING to get a little second hand smoke in their system (there's just too darn many smokers out there to avoid it), unless you keep him in the house all the time. I wouldn't think it would be worth damaging your relationship with your in-laws over. I know how you feel though. My parents are smokers, but my mom and dad know that they are not to smoke while around my baby and I still take her over to their house. Good luck in whatever you decide though.


Rachel - April 20

hey babyonboard... what an extremely egotistical remark on your part. Attacking a whole country. Truly amazing. You should consider yourself VERY lucky to have a family free of health problems in an environment such as that. However, maybe you should sit down and talk to people who have seen several members of their families die from first and second hand smoke. Talk to them about watching them slowly lose their senses, their minds, control of their bodies. Talk to them about how they watched their family member die a slow and very painful death. Talk to them about the effect it has on the body and the loved ones around them. Then, tell them they are being "overly sensitive" for wanting to protect their child from that type of ending. See what kind of reaction you get. What an uneducated remark you made. Smoking is horrible for children and adults. It can be pa__sed through the air obviously. I had a friend who never smoked a day in her life, but worked in a smoking restaurant and died from lung cancer. It is perfectly acceptable to request to meet them somewhere or find alternative ways for the health of your baby.


michelle - April 20

Tracey - There are published studies concerning the effects of short term exposure to cigarette smoke - weekend, evening exposure. and WebMD both have articles regarding this issue, Short term exposure to cigarette smoke does increase an infant's risk of illness. Furthermore, if you can smell cigarette smoke, then you are inhaling particles and gases from cigarettes. Even if it is old smoke emanating from the furniture or from clothing. That is why the children of smokers - even when their parents smoke outside - still have higher rates of illness and lung disease. There has even been a study published that indicates that the children of smokers test lower on IQ scales. And babies born to smoking mothers die of SIDS far more often than nonsmokers' babies. There is no way of telling how sensitively a baby will react to cigarette smoke until he is exposed. Amanda is doing the right thing by protecting her baby.


KEEKEE - April 20

Smoking is one of the causes of SIDS!!! Ask any doctor!!! Thats enough to keep your child away from second hand smoking. I feel sorry for any baby that have to live under a cloud of disgusting smoke. Please think before you make a comment...Baby Dust!!!!!


to rachel from babyonboard - April 21

not egotistuical at should be concerned if you are bringing up a child in a country of people who elected a president like george bush. so many people b___h on this board at people considering abortionm 'don't kill an innocent life etc etc blah blah blah' what about the thousand s killed in iraq absolutely needlessly..they had nothing to do with (and i loathe to use this overated overhyped and abused phrase...)9/11...and the fact that he refuses to join with every other civilsaed (and some your dumb a__s country would consider otherwise )countries in the united nations scheme for cleaner air is absolutely absurd....go suck on an oil pipe!


babyonboard - April 21

oh..and forgot to say..lung cancer is not exclusively caused by secondhand smoke..there are in fact many other reasons that this happens..and i have indeed seen a family member go through this, but i wouldnt pa__s the blame onto anyone, these things cannot be controlled.i think people should be allowed to make their own choices...smoker or not...would you heckle a fat person in the street if you saw them eating? ithink not!


michelle - April 21

To babyonboard - I didn't vote for him. Neither did about half the voters here. Hopefully we'll do better next time.


Military Wife - April 21

Bush is great and the war has been very liberating for millions of people. I have watched friends die and sent my husband to fight in Afganistan and Iraq and it has been worth every sacrifice. We have given millions of people freedom and an opportunity to live without persecution. Freedoms like slamming the leader of the United Stated on an internet website. Maybe if you are so against this war ou don't deserve these freedoms!!!!!!!!!


rachel - April 21

Babyonboard- again, your cla__s is shining through. Egotistical and hippocritical. What a combination. The sad thing is that I would have agreed with you since I dont support the war. I could have taken you seriously, but you are so rude and wait, you live in London (as I have seen in another post.) London is in England. Wait, who is our number one ally helping with the war in Iraq where thousand of innocent people are being killed... oh, right, its Tony Blair, prime minister of England. I dont wish to discuss this any further with you. You just make me laugh. Anyway, to the topic at hand. Lung cancer can be caused by many different things? Of course. But, since we have no control over these things as you say, why dont we all just light up, right now. Smoke our little hearts out, lets smoke some crack while we are at it. After all, many things can cause heart attacks, lung caner, etc... Lets not blame it on irresponsible behavior and lets blame in on "things that are out of our control." People should absolutely be allowed to make their own decisions, including their choice to ask family members to not smoke around a child who they love and are concerned about. I am done with this and done with you. You are childish and just like to start c___p. Good luck with your pregnancy and in life. You sound like you need it.


Rachel - April 24

We are probably all avoiding your point on the emissions act because this is a pregnancy website and talking your political BS is just neither relevant nor an adult response to something you dont have an intelligent answer to, "Oh yeah, well your country sucks, blah, blah, blah." Real adult. Grow up and take your c___p elsewhere. This is a pregnancy website. We are done here.


babyonboard - April 25

but yes...and end to dicussion, i gues my political concerns are better placed elsehwerre, and this shouldn't be a place to inspire b___hiness and hatred.



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