Who Am I

9 Replies
KLC - March 6

Please don't get me wrong. I love my children more than anything else in this world and I adore my husband and love being his wife. But lately I don't know who I am anymore. I'm done with the job I've been doing for the last three years on the 16th of this month and I don't know what I want to do from here. My husband and I are at each other - seems like forever since we connected with each other on the level of two people that love each other and not as parents. I feel like no one knows the real me. Like I don't know the real me. sometimes the thought of getting out of bed doesn't even appeal to me. As horrible as this sounds - if I could jump on a plane to anywhere and get off as someone else - anyone else but me. I would do it. If I could run away and not have it hurt everyone who loves me I would for a day. Just one blissful, beautiful day to be Kristy. Not Aaron's wife or the kids mom - just Kristy - whoever that is now.I miss being grounded and knowing ME. Please don't judge me just tell me has anyone else ever felt this way?

 

Crisi P - March 6

I understand, I feel that way too at times. When I was 19 or 20 I knew this girl who ran away to Arizona with just 50 bucks in her wallet, nobody seen it coming. I was so envious of her to have the guts to just up and leave like that. And though I never would, at times when I get upset at my life I think about how I want to run away to Arizona. But of course I love my family too much, and not just my husband and daughter, but my parents too.

 

rl- - March 6

you know I think I feel that way sometimes I feel so stressed I work full time then come home to another full time job and it just seems like I am always doing for others not myself but I think that is the way it is when your a mom and wife you do in away lose part of yourself but then you gain so much by having kids and home and dh I really try not to let it get to me but when I feel like it is just too much I do take some time for myself I go out with my sil for dinner and a gla__s of wine and it is just so nice to be able to have someone serve me and eat my food while it is still hot and not stopping to feed the baby every few minutes and even though I am only out a couple of hours it really refeshes me....but I can understand how you feel your not alone ( : and you really should make a bit of time for Kristy you will be glad you did!!! As far as you and dh are concerned it is normal for you to get at each other cause life is so stressful when your parents but you will adjust just remember you two love each other and remeber in your vows you said "For better or worse" this is just some of the tuff times and just think how strong your gonna be as a couple getting thru this thing called parenthood together ( :

 

luviduvi - March 6

Judge you? Please KLC, I say AMEN sista!!!!What you are going through is normal and I think at one point or another we all go through this and we don't speak out to the one who should notice the most, our husbands. That is most likely why when the kiddos are grown mothers let the resentment of their past onto their dh's. I know a lot about this b/c my mother, god bless, is the queen of resentment. I try my hardest to not be like her but it is hard. KLC I truly recommend that you talk to DH and tell him, "heh, I need time to be me" and it is okay to not have him in tow while you do it. However, I do believe in making time for the two of you as well. Once a couple of months dh and I go on a date. We usually do this when we have been "at each other." It seems to take the pressure of us and remember why and who we love and can't live without. DO make time for yourself by saying...I am going to the spa today or whatever you choose. Can't take a whole day do a half. NEVER leave the true you out in the cold, eventually you will forget that she ever existed and that can only harm you and the ones around you. Good Luck

 

Smilefull - March 6

KLC you DESERVE (capital letters) a day t o find yourself---tell hubby what's going on. Take a day-- hubby can stand in for a day--it might even do him good to understand what you go through every single day. if not hub, then how about grandparents? Then RUN AWAY---jump on a bus---Your soul is telling you you need to run----RUNNNN...(but come back at the end of the day)....you'll be doing your kids a favour because they'll have their mom back, refreshed and recommited (not tired and worn out)

 

Erynn21 - March 6

I have gone through this a few times in my life, it's part of natural growth, sometimes the same ol things every day just wear on us. I have just stopped my career and I loved my career, but right now my dd is the only thing that is more important than that. There have been times in our marriage where my hubby and I don't even speak hardly like we are on completely different wavelengths, last time that happened was actually about 2 months before we ttc, I was ready for a baby, my husband thought I still wanted to be a kid myself and party and go out. He was wrong, something changed in my heart, and I was ready for a new chapter to begin. Many times we feel that our career is a huge part of what defines us as a person, and yes it is to an extent, but there are so many other things. You should talk to a friend and go do something for you, like go away for a weekend with a good friend, or go shopping do something w/out your husband or your kids, there is nothing wrong with that. We all need a little "me" time, it's not selfish, it's helpful. Take care.

 

mandee25 - March 7

Why would we judge you hon? I bet every mother has felt this way once or twice. Motherhood can be very stressful and yes sometimes monotonous. Before I got married and had kids I was at a bad place in my life. I hated my job and still lived with my parents and nothing was going right. I fantasized about just taking off and leaving with my savings to start a new life somewhere totally different without telling anyone. I never did it though. Now that I look back I can see I was stressed and just needed a different change of pace. Your feelings are totally valid and there is nothing wrong with feeling that way. Any way you can schedule "me time". Like other have said, you will be a way better mommy and wife when you get a break from time to time.

 

ry - March 7

Oh Kristy, do I ever feel you! Even if I do get a RARE night out with the girls I cant even get ready in peace without dd screaming or having a million things to do beforehand. I am so corny but I get so excited to go to Tops by myself. It is really sad. Dh and I go days sometimes without talking because we work opposite shifts (and we are arguing about money or home repairs) and it can all be very depressing. But I know these days wont last forever so I am trying to cherish the good while swallowing the bad.

 

KLC - March 7

OMG Ry...too funny!! I went to Walmart on Saturday and my dh was laughing because I got all dolled up to go because I was picking out a carseat all by myself. I went to Borders after and sat and had a coffee in silence. It was pretty sad!!!! LOL

 

SonyaM - March 7

I feel the same way at times. Don't feel bad about it. {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

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