Why Do I Feel This Way

9 Replies
KLC - February 28

Ok for the past 3 years I for the same Catering firm. I am the office manager and I do most of the consults for new bookings as well as reception planning. I have always enjoyed my job and for the most part - the people I work with. When I got pregnant with Aaron, I worked up until my 7 month mark when I had preterm labor and had to stay home on bedrest. I was NOT paid maternity AND I had to pay $78 per week to keep my health insurance as well as $320.00 for the first months of Aaron's coverage - otherwise the expense of his care after birth would not have been covered. I thought that where I wasn't being paid anything for maternity and had worked for the company for over two years, that being asked to pay for my insurance was petty. But I sucked it up and didn't say anything. When Aaron was 4 months old I returned to work. I work Mon - Fri 8:30 - 2:30. A 30 hour week. I can't do more because I have kids that get off the bus at 3PM and to put them in daycare would exceed my paycheck. This has never been a problem. Well, last week one of the bosses (I have four as its a family owned business) comes to me and says "Kristy we are going to need you to go fulltime 9:00AM -4:30PM starting in June because last summer was too busy without you here fulltime." So basically I was being told that either I go full time or I resign. Well, I can't be fulltime for the above stated reasons and they know that. So I am done as of March 16. On the one hand I am happy because that means I will get to be home with Aaron during the day and I won't be missing any of his important firsts. I will be able to take care of the house without having to cram it in on my weekends. I'll get more time with each of my 4 kids. BUT, on the other hand. I feel like such a loser. For the first time in my adult life (I have always had a career) I feel like I don't know who I am anymore. All my friends are career women with children too and I have no idea who we are going to relate to each other now. When they are talking about their latest business acquistion, I'll be talking about the last time I cleaned up shit or changed a diaper. I know that sounds harsh but I feel like I'm not as much of a person as I was before. Or maybe not as intelligent is the what I mean. Don't get me wrong I know how important it is to be a mother I'm just overly emotional I guess. Can anybody understand what I mean? Plus, although we can afford for me to stay home, I always feel like I am totally dependant on my husband financially speaking. He controls the household finances so now everytime I want to buy something or go somewhere I will have to ask him for money first. Where now, my check is mine to spend as I please. I just feel so depressed about this. Sorry this is so long I just needed to tell some people I knew would understand :)

 

KLC - February 28

sorry for the typos. I'm crying and it was hard to see. LOL

 

Rhiannon - February 28

I'm sorry you feel so sad. I have to be a SAHM because I can't afford to pay for 2 in daycare. Unless I found a super cushy job I would be paying money out of my pocket. Maybe you could start an at home business. I don't know what, maybe buying and selling on ebay. I am so sorry you are sad, I hope things get better.

 

Amandanbaby - February 28

I sympathize with you. I recently had to quit my job because my hubby started working longer days and I can't afford the daycare costs, either. It made me feel bad too at first but I eventually got over it. Now I am working on a schedule to do quality things with my son and still get my housework done and errands ran. It's nice not to have to cram it all in on the weekends, which is our time as a family since my hubby gets off work early on Sat and doesn't work on Sun. I hate not being able to spend my own money and having to ask him for money for things I want to buy. Maybe you can get a small paper route or something when it gets nice that you can bring the lo with you out on. My ds got a nice wagon for Christmas that has a hard top to keep out the sun and has a place for my drinks and one of the seats lifts up into a cooler for snacks for your lo. You can buy a 'trailer' piece that attaches to the back to carry the papers in. This way you can make a little money and still spend time with baby. Just a suggestion....hope this helps.

 

Mellissa - February 28

KLC...are there any other Catering firms in your area that you could look into? I know what you mean about not being financially dependent on your hubby.. it's nice knowing that you make another contribution, other than that of taking care of the house and the kids. Don't get me wrong, I loved being a SAHM, and I'll be doing it again if we move this summer... but working kind of makes me feel as if i have something else to offer the world, and my family. If I were you I would get online and look into the compet_tors of the company you work for, and see if they happen to need someone, and if their hours are flexible. Don't give up on working now... I'm sure something will work out. Is catering the only field you want to work in, or would you be open to other possibilities? As an office manager, I'm sure there are numerous opporunities available for you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do!!!

 

Rabbits07 - February 28

Is there any part of your job that you could do from home? I imagine as office manager there is alot of paper work and stuff to be done, so couldn't you save that stuff for after 2:30 and do it at home? Would they let you? Sorry, I'm not much help as I don't know exactly what all your job entails but if you really have your heart set on working I would see if they could work with you to do some of the job at home.

 

Erynn21 - February 28

Maybe you could start your own catering firm from home?? Give these guys some compet_tion, I don't know. I know that I just made the decision to stay at home because financially my work was become a wash(or a borderline loss). Now I am probably going to be working at home in a couple of months, I look at everything happens for a reason and there is probably something better on your horizon. I felt very similar, except I don't feel like I am completely dependent on my dh we are a team so there isn't mine and his in our household, it's ours, but that's just us. I think there is a opportunity that is coming to you and you will see it when it manifests itself. We have been part owner of a whitewater rafting company for about 5 years and were going to see our stock, that fell apart, now I am looking at doing a majority of the office work and getting paid while I take care of my dd. Things happen for a reason. Good luck.

 

Erynn21 - February 28

I meant sell our stock...

 

Lanaya - February 28

Hey. This may sound kinda crazy, but this is what I have done since becoming a Mommy. I went to college after highschool and got my nursing degree, I worked in a hospital and made excellent money. Anyways, I found out I was pregnant and after my maternity leave decided to stay home, cause I was pregnant again! lol Anyways, to get to the point, I cannot afford daycare costs for two kids either, and I wanted to have a job so I can contribute. I am now a school bus driver with a nursing degree! lol I love it. I'm home by the time my kids wake up, I'm home all day with them until I go to work at 2 pm, and I'm home by 4pm. The best part is I can take both kids to work with me, so it eliminates my child care costs. You actually get paid a lot better than most people think. I only work about 2.5 hours a day and I make 2/3 of what my hubby does, and he works full time. Also, you get every holiday off, and summers, christmas, etc. I don't know, something to think about maybe. I know that I'm not going to be going back to work at the hospital though, my life is too good this other way, I hated shift work when I didn't have kids, there's no way I could go back to it now.

 

ry - February 28

Hey Kristy, I feel ya! I worked my a__s off in school doing internships and everything for my Psych degree and I was about to start law school when I found out we were expecting. Now I am a stay at home mom with a BA and 20,000 in student loan debt and I am a bartender, dogsitter, babysitter, and occasional independent contractor doing data entry. It kills me sometimes but honestly I wouldnt trade it for anything. I think someday when I have had all my babies and they are a little more grown I will concentrate on my career again but these are the best years of our lives now and we are never going to get them back. I say follow your heart and just because we may not be doing exactly what we might have hoped for now, doesnt mean our time wont come in the future!

 

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