You Think Your MIL Is Bad Read This

8 Replies
kayla_shauntel_05 - June 11

First off, let me warn you that I am a teen mom, I had my baby girl when I was 18, and will be 19 on the first day of august, and my baby's father just turned 17. I know, we were too young, but we are making it and doing great. Anyway........we have been together for about three and a half years, and just had our baby girl 16 days ago. We have been wanting to get married for a very long time, and when the baby got here it made us want it even more. We know we are young, and we want to get married for many reasons, not just the baby. My MIL acts like she absolutely loves me and adores me, but wont sign the papers for us to get married. We live in the state of Arkansas, and I want to know what I can do. When you are 17 you have to have parental permission. We have lived together for a year and a half, he has paid all of our bills the whole time, never been late on a single one, and he is providing all of the support for me and our daughter. Neither set of our parents has provided any financial suppot, just love and emotional support. They have been great the whole time! Do we not have the right to get married? I look at him as my husband already, after all we love each other and he has supported all three of us. I am in college, and going back to work soon, and he works a full time job. Any suggestions on what we can do? Does anyone know anything about emancipation? I am sure the reason she is saying no to signing the papers is because of the child tax credit because her husband makes great money and she does not work and hasnt ever.

 

JAI - June 11

Have you sat down and asked her what her reasons are. Maybe try to sit down you, your boyfriend and both sets of parents. Tell them that you know you plan to be together forever and that you know have brought a daughter into the world, and want to be a family with the same last name. Ask your MIL to explain her reasons that she will not sign. But whatever you do, try to stay positive and calm, and show her you are mature. Don't get mad and angry and let her think that your not mature enough for this. Good Luck!

 

Rabbits07 - June 11

I'm sure the laws vary from state to state on emancipation. A couple of things I would consider before going down that avenue though is #1 you'll have to hire a lawyer, which means money that you won't be able to spend on your baby and #2 by the time it makes it in front of a judge, through postponements and the like, your boyfriend will probably be getting ready to turn 18 if not already turned it. If both sets of parents have been emotionally supportive I don't think I would do anything drastic...if you think about it a year really is not that long to wait. Your MIL may not want to sign the papers in case things end up not working out (that's always a chance in any marriage whether teenagers or senior citizens). I have seen instances where parents signed for teens to marry, then when it broke up the parents were guilt ridden, or the teens actually blamed the parents for signing the papers. If your MIL is doing it for finacial purposes, I agree that it is a little selfish on her part. But again, a year isn't that long and you already live together, so it's not like the baby is missing out on time with the father. If I were you I would just wait out the time and keep peace in the family.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 11

I have not went over and talked to her, but he has. He told her it was unfair to the three of us, and all she was doing was causing problems. I think we are going to go to the judge in a couple weeks if she does not sign and see if he will give us the court order to get married or for her to sign the papers. I think the judge can grant him permission, but I hope it does not come to that.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 11

I feel so guilty though. I had premarital s_x and brought a child into this world to unmarried parents. I keep thinking, if she would just sign those papers we could go on with our lives and be happy. This is really hard on us because we both want to be married, but do not want to cause problems in the family. I didn't want my daughter to ever be old enough to remember us not being married. I feel so GUILTY. I feel like there is something wrong with me that is why she won't sign the papers. Like maybe I am not good enough? We gave the baby his last name because we were planning on getting married. I try to be fair and nice, but I feel like if she will not sign the papers then she should not see the baby. I know that is selfish on my part though, and when you marry a man you marry his family too. I am trying to make sure I take the baby over there regularly so she can see her and spend time with her. I don't want to go behind her back, but should she get to claim him on her taxes when we are out supporting ourselves??? That is not fair to us or to our baby girl! She just wants the money, I know thats what it is. They allowed him to move out when he was 15, but they keep claiming him on their taxes. I know thats the reason. Besides, we have been engaged for a year and a half and she gave her support for the engagement but wont sign the papers. wtf?

 

Rabbits07 - June 11

I wouldn't let my self-esteem take a bruising over it. There's nothing wrong with you...people will do things that can be selfish and unkind for money. If you've had a good relationship with his mother so far (other than the refusal thing) I don't think I would jeopardize the relationship by refusing to let her see the baby...after all when you do get married you don't want that kind of resentment hanging over your relationship with her for the rest of your life. As for your daughter remembering you not being married...your boyfriend will be 18 when she is around a year old? She will never remember that. Once she gets older and starts doing some counting she'll figure it out anyway. I got pregnant before getting married and my oldest daughter knows it...heck, she's in our wedding pictures! My dh (boyfriend at the time) had been in Desert Storm and had just returned, so I was also two months pregnant with our second...and he knows it, too. It doesn't bother them. (we did have a long talk though as I didn't want them to think that I approved of them having premarital s_x). If it is really important to you, as it seems to be, then I would continue to talk to the mother about it. (And don't know if she knows this, but claiming someone on your federal taxes who does not live with you and you do not support is a federal offense)

 

Rabbits07 - June 11

Thought I would add that I don't work for the IRS or anything!...I read that after I posted it and started thinking that I might have freaked you out with that last statement.

 

kayla_shauntel_05 - June 11

No, you didnt freak me out. I figured it was because you are making your household look larger than it is and getting money for someone that doesnt live with you. He would have been better off if he could file on his won. I am so stressed out over this. I just can not wait another year, I dont think I can take it. I wish she would get over herself and think about someone else for a change. I sometimes think she kept having kids so she would not have to go back to work. Eventually you have so many kids it is cheaper to stay home then go back to work and pay daycare.

 

Rabbits07 - June 11

If I were your boyfriend then I would just tell her that I was claiming my own self this coming year so she need not plan on it. If tax filing is her motive then that ought to nip it in the bud.

 

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