Hubby S Views On Natural Birth A Problem

8 Replies
lu - November 20

Hi. I beleive in natural birth. I haven't had a baby before, but my husband is not for it at all. He also said I can't be a whimp sometimes. I have tried to explain that it is better for the baby. ANy ideas?

 

Lu - November 20

I mean he said I can be a whimp.

 

mama-beans - November 20

Well, I'd just explain to him that this is something that is important to you, and that you are going to TRY to go without medications for the whole labor... if you say you definately WON'T get medications, and in the end you do ( you never really know how you will react when it is finally time) then he will have "nannie nannie poo poo" rights, which are NEVER desireable in a hubby! I took this approach, and after 3.5 days on pitocin I finally gave in and got a "walking" epidural. It relaxed my body enough that I went from 3 to 10 in 2 hours and pushed for only 20 minutes. You never know what choices you will make when the time comes, so don't paint yourself into a corner! ( BTW, my daughter got high scores on her APGAR, so the epi had no effect on her..not sure if it's because she wasn't exposed for long or if the amount she feels is so low that it didn't make a difference.)

 

twist - November 20

Why exactly doesn't he like the idea? Is it the thought of seeing you in pain, or the thought that something might go wrong for the baby? Perhaps you could look up some info on the net about it or get some books from your local library, and sit down and go through them with him. He might have some oldfashioned ideas about natural birth being something only "hippies" do. Also, you could try taking him to your next doctors' appointment and have the doc explain a bit about it for him. It often helps if the information comes from someone he considers an expert.

 

Lu - November 21

Actually, twist, he does think it is new-agey or hippyish or something and he just a__sumes everything is better with medicine. We are a bit Dharma and Greg-ish. I have given him all kinds of reasons why natural is better, but he says the sources are biased. What a apin in the b___t he is!! Mama-beans, you make some good points. I do not want him to have nananana rights! I am not in my home country, though, and I will be required to choose my method in the beginning. The vast majority here have completely natural. I guess I could request an epi and then ask them not to administer it. I'd have to pay for it but I don't care about that. I know flexibility is key, but I'm afriad if I have it right there, I will do it sooner, but I'm also afrain I'll decide I want it and not be able toget it. I think my husband is a little bit sorry he said all of that- the whimp part, at least. I think part of his problem is that his mother tries to medicate him for even the tiniest thing every time we visit. He thinks that's normal. Sigh.

 

Jamie - November 21

You could always tell him that if he wants the medications, he can have them when he gives birth...Here's my 2 cents...I was induced. I got through 20 hours of labor with nothing, because the contractions felt like strong menstrual cramps; I asked for the epi after 20 hours. I got it, and you know what? That sucker didn't even work. I had to get a catheter in my back, and I STILL didn't get any relief - in fact, it got worse, cause once they gave me the drugs, they wouldn't let me get up and walk around because they didn't believe me that I still had full feeling in my lower body. Grrr.

 

Rachael mommy2lucas - November 21

Not to be rude, but you are the one giving birth. You will be amazed at what you and your body can endure for the right cause. He really should only be supporting you, whichever way you decide to go, since you are the one who has to do it. You can elect to have drugs if it is something you decide to do after you realize natural labor is not for you. I did not have drugs or an epidural per my choice. But I am not against it, either. You should do, or try to do, what you wish and what is best for you. Sorry, but he doesn't get a say.

 

KFish - November 21

I originally wanted to give birth in a birthing center, but my husband's mother went "code blue" while giving birth to my husband's brother and his brother had to have emergency brain surgery to release the fluid in the brain that was building up. I relented and found out that I did have to have an emergency c-section due to severe pre-clampsia. He might just be worried about you and might not like to see you in pain.

 

Lu - November 21

I know it is ultimately up to me, but I was hoping for his support. Not so sure now... Jamie, that really sucks about your epi- man! Rachel, I agree that he should be supporting me. That is the whole problem! Does anyone know of an unbiased (or less biased than usually) source for comparing natural and medicated births? Thanks,kfish for reminding me. My husband's grandmother lost 5 babies during or just after birth. 7 survived, though. They were all born at home. This could be why he thinks everything having to do with medicine is good, or play a part in some way. It shouldn't, though, because I want to have a natural birth in a hospital! We have a lot of talking to do still.What drives me nuts is that he thinks he knows about this stuff, but how would he, he never read a word about it was close to a pregnany woman, except his mother, but I already said how that is problematic because of her over-medicating! thanks for the answers. I know I really need to keep after him about it. I'm not saying I am looking for his permission- I will have a natural birth if I can do it, but I wanted his faith and encouragement. Plus, I don't think I am a whimp! Thanks, everyone!

 

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