28 Wks No Heartbeat Read Help Please

8 Replies
Ashlynn - November 15

Hi, I'm just looking for some information/support. I am 19 years old, 28 weeks pregnant and this is my first baby. Please, please PLEASE, spare me lectures and ridicule.. I know I am 19 and that some people consider me unable to be a parent because of my age, but not everyone is meant to be a statistic. I graduated from high school a year early with honors, I have 2 semesters left of college, I work and support myself, I'm not on welfare, so please, don't bash me like I've gotten on other forums here. I'm just seeking some information on websites where I can get some support on dealing with the loss of my baby :( At my doctors appointment this morning, they couldn't pick up her heartbeat, so they did an US to see if maybe she was in the wrong position, but it confirmed that she no longer had one. I don't know what to do and I just can't believe it because she was moving this morning while I was getting ready for my appointment, which she is always really active in the mornings, then she quiets down for a little bit, like she's taking a nap. I havn't felt her move since this morning, so I know the US is right. When I found out I was pregnant, I was living with my parents, but my dad is verbally abusive towards my mom, so I moved out to give my baby a better life than what I was brought up in. Because of leaving, along with being pregnant, I have been pretty much shunned by my family, so I have absolutely no support system. This baby has been my world since the moment I found out she was on her way, and now its like I don't have anything! I don't know what to do :( I have to go to the hospital at 5am tomorrow morning to be induced and I am so scared. I tried searching the internet for information, but the couple sites I went to I guess were personal sites of babies that were stillborn/early, and the pictures at the tops of those pages of the babies, god I just don't know if I can do it! My little girl is my world and I don't know how I am going to be able to deliver her tomorrow knowing she is gone. If anyone knows any websites with information dealing with this type of situation, please can you post a link? I couldn't stand to go to another site and see another picture of what my baby may look like :( I am so scared

 

Ashly - November 15

Hi Sweetie my name is Ashly i read your story and i would like to tell you im very sorry for your loss. i have been pregnant 4 times and misscarried now im pregnant again im scared to death and hardly have anyone to turn to. If you need someone to talk to just email me. [email protected] im sorry for what you are going threw no mother deserves this. God bless you!

 

Mary - November 15

Ashlynn I am so sorry to hear about your loss, you will be in my prayers.

 

Roberta - November 15

Hi Ashlynn, you are one courageous woman. I can only imagine what hell you are going through. There seems to be alot of injustice in this world however, we must keep plugging along. You are doing a great job with your life. Give yourself a chance to grieve......this is an important staple in life to carry on. Big hugs to you

 

Christine - November 16

Ashlynn...I hope everything has turned out for the better...I am soooo sorry to hear about your loss...god I could not imagine going through what you have gone through...I will be praying for you...be strong...you sound like a very intelligent woman...and 19 is not too young...forget what other people said..you sound more grown and in control of your life than people in know that are in their 30's...good luck to you...and I hope everything works out...sorry again..

 

Deb - November 16

May God Bless You greatly and may you know the Peace that only He can bring you, during this time of your life. God loves you more than you will ever know and He will help you through this. You are in my prayers.

 

yulia - November 17

Ashlynn, I am so sorry to hear about you little one. The website that helped me the most was www.babysteps.com. My son died shortly after birth. Sweetheart, this is probably going to be the hardest thing you will ever endure. God bless you and I will be praying for you.

 

Ashlynn - November 18

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your kind words. I went to the hospital to be induced on the 16th. Everyone there tried so hard to help me through her birth and I am so thankfull for all the staff. My daughter was born at 8:25am on November 16th, she weighed 1lb 9oz and was 14 inches long, and she was absolutely perfect, SO beautiful. They took a lot of pictures of her for me, cut a small patch of her hair, took her hand and footprints, all kinds of things. They gave me her cap and little gown and blanket in a small memory box with her other things too. I got to spend a lot of time with her, just holding her and looking at her. I had to stay overnight at the hospital and it was so hard leaving the next morning without her with me. I feel so empty. My milk started coming in yesterday and it hurts so bad. I miss feeling her moving in my belly and I don't think I have fully grasped that she isn't inside of me or even on this earth anymore. I can't do anything now, its like my own body is shutting off but my brain is still here. My mom called me today, but I refuse to talk to anyone in my family anymore. They didn't care when I lost her, I called for support and didn't get it and I had to have my baby alone, without the moral support of my family. I don't wish this pain on anyone, not even someones worst enemy. I have some sort of closure as to what caused her death though. When she was born, she had 3 knots in her umbilical cord, really tight ones. My OB said that the knots cut off her blood supply and that is what caused her to pa__s away. Now I am worried to have more babies in the future, because what if they get knots again? I am really rambling here, I am so sorry. My brain really is in such a jumble. I'm not having a funeral for her, because I don't really have any family that would be there, it would just be me and a handful of friends. I picked out a very beautiful container for her ashes though, which I can bring her home tomorrow, where she belongs. I chose to cremate her instead of burry her, just so she could be with me at home, instead of somewhere out there alone. Thank you again for all your kind words, if you would ever like to talk in email, my email is [email protected]

 

Lisa - November 19

I am so sorry to read your post I am in tears right now, I want you to know you and your daughter are in my prayers I am not sure what else to say because I know not much can be said when an innocent life is lost, just know you will be ok just be strong. Take care

 

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