How Do You Go On

5 Replies
Michelle - December 22

I don't get it.........I just had my second m/c doc' sayd can't do nothing til your third..I hate life right now I hate myself I don't know what I ever did to deserve this My only supposive firend rubs it in my face daily that she has kida we talk on the ohone and all she tells me is how much she hates her [email protected]%kin kids and blah blah blah than....She has this way of saying thing like come here son I....Do you love mommy or auntie more and I know she says it to hurt me why If there is a God how can he be so cruel I am questioing everything and I HATE LIFE so much I cry all day the doctor wants to shove evry antidepressent down my throat take this to sleep take this I told him i dont have a hormonal imbalance I have a broken HEART can you fix is there a pill to make my motherlly instinct go away because nothing has i sat up with my sick neice for two weeks barely slept cleaned up her poopy diapers her puke listened to her cry and cry and cry and nothing makes me not want a baby i am tired of vrying How do you go on

 

Shauna - December 22

Dear Michelle, my condolences to you. I understand how you are feeling, as I just went thru my second m/c last night. I am a little sad, but ready to move on and figure out what the problem seems to be. As far as your "friend" goes, it sounds like you need to separate yourself from her company. If you wish to keep her as a friend, you need to be upfront with her and let her know that when she says those things, you feel like she is being thoughtless and it really does hurt you because you have been unable to fulfill your dream of becoming a mother yourself. Regarding your doctor telling you they can't do anything until after you've gone thru a third m/c, I would find a doctor who is willing to look into it now. There is NO reason to make you experience a third heartbreaking and emotionally draining m/c before they start looking into possible problems. I even had two different nurse practioners give me different opinions; one said they don't get concerned with it until after three in a row, the other said we will start testing right away to find any problems. They work in the SAME office. If you don't feel your doctor is concerned enough, find a different doctor. There is ALOT out there and there will be one who will work with you the way you need to be. It really sounds to me like you should get some professional help to deal with your emotions, because I believe in cases such as yours, pills are not going to make you feel "better". You need to heal your "heart" and become emotionally balanced before you can really start to feel better inside. I have found alot of answers in a book called "The HeartMath Solution" by Doc Childre and Howard Martin, you can find that book online for about $14.00 US brand new. That book has helped me remain level in my mind, soul and heart and I believe it will help you as well. I will pray for you and your quest to become a mother, please remember God helps those who help themselves. Bless you.

 

MICHELLE - January 7

I HAD A MISCARRIAGE 1 MONTH AGO. I'VE BEEN READING ALL THE CASES ON THIS WEB SIGHT AND I FELT COMPELLED TO ANSWER YOURS. YOU HAVE A HUGE AMOUNT OF ANGER AND RIGHTFULLY SO!!!!!!! YOU SOUND EXACTLY LIKE I DID I WAS SCREAMING AT EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING AROUND ME. I HATED LIFE I HATED OTHER PEOPLE WITH BABIES I HATED ANYONE THAT WAS HAPPY OVER ANYTHING. MY HUSBAND AND MY OBGYN SUGGESTED A LOW DOSE OF LEXAPRO (ANTI-DEPRESSANT) I REFUSED AT FIRST BUT THEN GAVE IN BECAUSE I WAS CRYING EVERYDAY AND WAS SO ANGRY AND FELT NO HOPE. THEY GOT ME OVER THE HUMP AND NOW I'M OFF OF THEM. DONT PUNISH YOURSELF BY FEELING BAD EVERYDAY. SADNESS IS NORMAL BUT ITS NOT FAIR TO YOU TO TORTURE YOURSELF EVERYDAY. TAKING SOMEYHING DOESN'T MEAN YOUR WEAK IT SHOWS COURAGE THAT YOU WANT TO GET HEALTHY AGAIN SO YOU CAN GET BACK ON YOUR FEET TO TRY AGAIN. I'M PRAYING AND SENDING YOU GOOD LUCK

 

Leah - March 14

I had a child with anacephalia, a condition where the brain does not develop,it is hard to lose a child even one you have not had time to know, the fact is you know them spiritually, I walked for a year in fog after that, it felt like I was blinded to the path ahead. I know its hard and you are grieving, grieve and take each day for that day and enjoy, don't worry about whats a head or if you will concieve again, heal and it will happen if its meant to happen.. Be good to yourself

 

K - March 16

Michelle, I realize you made your post in December. I am sorry for your losses and I hope things have improved since then. I recently experienced a miscarriage too. It is a very emotional experience and different factors make it harder or easier between women who have miscarried. All I can say is work hard -very hard- to think positively and to have that happen more easily, surround yourself with positive people. Tell your friend how she is making you feel when she upsets you. If she doesn't respond well to it, it may soon be time to move on from that friendship. There are many people in churches, support groups, counseling centers, etc who are willing to help you get through the tough times and help you to see the hope in the future. Friends are out there for you - just got to go out and get them. :) I agree with Shauna that you can also find a doctor who is willing to look into other causes for m/c's now (and if you do please make sure they find a cause -if there is one - BEFORE they do any treatments), but you could also keep trying because your chances are still great after 2 m/c's. Keep your stress down because the stress hormones (cortisol) can change the levels of hormones you need to sustain a healthy pregnancy. Also, check in to other natural ways of boosting your reproductive system - like herbs, yoga, etc. You can do it!!

 

Darla - April 3

There is no easy way to get through this time. Take one day at a time. I, also had a child die of anacephalia. The first year is the hardest (I think subconciously I tried to kill myself) as I was running away from the pain. My family and doctors finally had to give me complete bed rest. My daughter died in 1984 and back then they didn't give antidepressants - you just had to live with the pain. I couldn't look at another baby for three years and did not become fond of or able to be around babies until my happy, healthy, daughter was born in 1990. If I can give you no other advice than to stay busy and take each day as it comes. Tell yourself you can get thru this. The memory will always be there, but the pain does lesson with the years.

 

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