Surrogacy?anyone?

6 Replies
stefaniQQ - May 8

Hello everyone! I'm in the process of surrogacy now. I should say I'm in a very beginning of it. I was diagnosed with chronic glomerulonephritis in the age of 17. I had 2 terminations of pregnancy because of this disease. That was hard to survive both physically and mentally. After losing my babies, my husband left me for another woman. She gave him children I couldn't give. I spent years in treatments, medications and depressions. I thought nothing will ever change and I'm doomed to spend miserable life. But there was a man who changed my life. I met my second husband when I was 28. Of course I told him about my diagnosis. We decided that it's too risky for me to get pregnant again. So the only solution for us was surrogacy. We are from Sweden. Surrogacy here is legal, but surrogate mother has all rights for baby and we'll have to adopt our child. And also prices are pretty high. We decided to go to Mexico for surrogacy program. I put all my hope in it. And of course we paid so much money for it. Unfortunately our surrogate mother had miscarriage on 27th week of pregnancy. As it turned out the clinic didn't check her carefully. She had some problems with health and I still don't know, was it intentionally hidden or was it doctors' mistake. My husband tried to support me, but I saw this incident influenced him greatly too. We were visiting psychologist, but no treatment can heal this pain. Our desire to have children was stronger than our fear to try again. We collected some money and decided to go to Ukraine this time. There are many good reviews, their prices are much lower and we've heard a lot about their doctors. We've already contacted a couple of their clinics. I wanted to ask maybe someone had surrogacy there and can advise good clinic? Reviews in the internet are so contradictory. It's better to talk directly with someone who underwent this procedure.

 

stefaniQQ - May 9

Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate it and I'm so happy for you! How old is your baby? Your experience gives me inspiration and belief I still have chances. I'm so tired from tears and depressions. I want to feel happiness. I want to hold my baby. I want to become loving mom. I dream our family to be complete and my husband stop to comforting me all the time. I want him to be a happy father.  We spent so much money in Mexico for nothing. Not only we paid sum, which was set in our contract. The clinic also gave us check in the end of our failed(!) procedure. There were charges for services we haven't even used! And they didn't tell us about them in the beginning or during the process. I know I shouldn't pay and we had to make something with their impudence. But I was broken and devastated. I wanted nothing but get over that clinic and end that process as soon as possible. But I couldn't change the past. May I ask you which clinic have you chosen? There are many clinics in Ukraine. I want to choose the best one. I hope to find the one which has high rates of successful procedures. And the most important is proper check of surrogated. I'm scared to make previous mistakes. I understand that no one can give 100% guarantees. Still it's better to be sure that all medical checks are done carefully by professionals. How much did you pay? I hope it's ok to ask this. I know prices in Ukraine are lower than in other countries. Does this fact influence service? Were there problems with language or movement across city? I've already found some maps in English in the net and also downloaded some apps. I don't know if they help. But at least I'll be prepared little bit for being in fireign country. I will be grateful for any help! Thank you.

 

stefaniQQ - May 9

I appreciate your help! I don't know what would've I done without all this info. I was trying to find translator by myself and it confused me even more. It's hard to find some services without knowing language. Some of Ukrainian clinics, which we addressed, don't have translators. Their treatments base on Ukrainian people. I thought it will be impossible for us to find clinic, which will help us, foreign couple. Such a relief, that this clinic helps with these staff. How much did you pay for all those services? As I understood, it goes separately from main package. Did you pay all sum at once? We have this amount of money, so we could pay right away. But still there is some fear inside. Especially after our failed experience… It's hard to believe again. I have so many doubts… I understand that you had no problems with the procedure. I see that you stayed satisfied with everything and had no troubles. But there is always a risk that something may go differently. I want to have some assurance that after giving all money there will be some action from the clinic. Because after receiving cost they may 'relax', because they've got what they want. Then I will be just waiting and waiting. And eventually I'll get one more failure… I'm sorry for these negative thoughts. I know I should stay positive. But after Mexican clinic I can believe to nobody… How long did it take for them to find surrogate mother for you? Did you have opportunity to choose her by yourself? I don't know how I can be sure that sm, which is chosen by clinic, is healthy. Of course there are no guarantees I can choose healthy sm by myself, I know…But what are their criteria? How can you be sure that woman, which will carry your baby, has no diseases?

 

stefaniQQ - May 9

I get it why you have so many concerns. It's obvious that after clinic, which treated you like that, you can't believe again. Even if it's the best clinic in the world and there is no negative reviews. Your doubts are completely understandable. There are so many people, who faced such clinics/agencies/surrogate mothers(yes, there are fraudsters even among them!). They put all hope and have already imagined how they become parents. After such failure you won't be able to believe again…I hope this time you won't have to suffer again! Honey, be strong, I'm sure those people, who made this to you, will pay for their deception. Life is boomerang and nothing is left unpunished.

Answering to your questions, those services are already included into the packages. We paid only this amount. The clinic had never asked to pay more or pay some extra fees. Our payment was divided into 5 parts. They never asked to pay 39 900 euros right away! It's obvious we want to pay and see the result! And giving all sum on the spot is too risky nowadays. We paid 8000 euros during our first visit, after signing the contract. Then we paid 7900 euros during our second visit after fertilization of sm. Third payment 8000 euros we paid on twelve weeks of the gestation of our sm. 8000 euros we paid after the childbirth. And the last 8000 euros we paid after receiving all documents for our daughter to leave the country.

They found our sm in 2.5 months after our first visit. We thought it will take much longer. So when our program coordinator told us this news we were on seventh heaven! We didn't choose sm by ourselves. It doesn't matter how she looks. The most important is her health, ability to carry a baby and presence of her own children. That's why our doctor chose sm for us. Their doctors make all psychological and medical tests to be sure that woman is suitable for the procedure. Also they check sm during the program weekly. Our sm was 32 years old with 2 kids. So we knew she had all chances to carry our baby.

 

stefaniQQ - May 9

Thank you for understanding and support. Everyone tells me I have too pessimistic thoughts. It's easy for them to say so. They've never been through all this hell. I can't smile and think 'next surrogacy will be 100% successful!' I can't close my eyes and forget about what had happened. You are the only one who can understand what I feel. They found sm for you for a very short period of time. Where did she live during the program? As surrogate mothers have their own families, it's wrong to make them live at your home in another country for almost a year. Did you come to visit her or something like that? And what about all those services? I mean taxi, translator, housing and so on. Was this only one time service? Or the clinic provided you with all those stuff during each of your visits? Did you get some info about your baby? It's hard to be so far away. I wish I could carry my baby by myself… You never know what sm is doing at the moment. Does she speak with a baby kindly? Does she eat healthy? Maybe your child feels lonely? But perhaps the clinic checks surrogate mothers weekly… Were there problems with documents for your daughter? I have absolutely no idea how to arrange all this in Ukraine. I guess we'll need some documents for child to leave the country. How to make everything right? Where did you go? What should be asked? Were there some troubles? Were there questioning in the airport? I'm scared that police may take my baby away from me. And it will be my fault! One mistake and there will be no way out! I'll never forgive myself if something like this happen.

 

stefaniQQ - May 9

I'm so grateful for your help! It's the first time I talked about my problems. I'm so happy I found this community. We should stick together and then nothing will prevent us from our happiness. After that failure I was going to give up. I closed my feelings and emotions inside. This didn't let me to live. I'm glad I opened my soul. Now I feel I can move on. You gave me hope that this time everything will be fine. Although I have some doubts, but still I'm inspired now. I feel like I have wings, really! I didn't tell my husband about biotexcom yet. I was afraid to flush out the luck. You told me all details I needed to know, thank you for this. I'll talk to him tomorrow. I think he'll also like this clinic. We'll definitely contact them!

 

cosmicgirl - December 19

Hello everyone! I'm new here. I'm 32, married, no children. I was born without a uterus.  Surrogacy is the first option that came to my mind. The reason why I turn to this option kind of late is that my first husband didn't want to have children. I've been always wanted to become a mother. But I thought as I have no uterus this's my destiny to be childless. When I was 24 it turned out that my ex-husband had a mistress who got pregnant and he left me to be with her and his child. I spent 3 years in depression. I didn't want any relationships. When my ex-husband  left me he told me lots of terrible stuff  which made me feel that no one will ever  want me I as wife because I'm infertile. I moved to my parents’ house. I was sitting home 24/7 feeling sorry for myself.  My parents were trying so hard to help me. I was thinking what the point of my life and I couldn't find it. I'm glad that period of my life is over.  Now I'm a completely different person. When I was 27 I met my dear husband who made me to forget about that horrible experience. Both of us want to have children. We're thinking about surrogacy. As my husband is working hard so we could afford surrogacy, I took all responsibility considering surrogacy on myself. Though  my husband  doesn't do much research because of his work, each evening  I share it with him  all the information which I  find during the day.   We discuss it and dive more and more into the process together. Surrogacy is illegal in our country. We are looking for options abroad. I've been here on this forum for a couple of days now and I found it really helpful. I hope I will find all needed information because I want our journey to start as soon as possible! I wish everyone the best of luck!

 

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