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Fleur - November 27th, 2005 11:29 PM

It might be all hormones but I am so depressed. I feel like I am a teenager again and nobody understands me, exactly as it was when I was 13 and everyone told me "it will go over with time" but noone seemed to understand what I was going through. Yes, I did came out puberty ok and aknowledge I was a lousy rotten teenager but I didn't miss feeling miserable as I did then. Right now, I hate everyone. I hate my mother because she claims to be the one who loves me the most but when I try to talk to her looking for consolation, I feel judged and treats me like I am an idiot; it is like she was never pregnant, either that or she forgot everything because all she can say about her pregnancies is pink fairytales with living happily ever afters. She keeps saying that I shouldn't be depressed because "your husband does not abuse you..... or does he?", like it was only related to it. She keeps telling me how thankful I should be for having this baby and a loving husband and how spoiled I am, as if I chose to feel like this. I hate her for being so happy that I am having a boy because "boys are much better". I hate the
people who give me advice without me asking for it, those who feel sorry for me and especially those who judge me for not saying outloud that pregnancy is the best thing that could have happened to me. I love my baby to death, his kicks and movements make me happy and I can't wait to have him in my arms, but my pregnancy was not wished or planned and it actually complicated our lives a little bit so I am not in bliss, I don't enjoy feeling fat and ugly and just like when I was 13, I want to be anyone else, I want to be one of my pretty skinny friends. I hate my partner because I can't blame him if he doesn't want me anymore when my body looks so bad and my selfesteem is crap, and I hate the way I feel I am the only one having a baby and his impotence when he realizes I am breaking down and asks me "what can I do?". I know, he is good but I can't tell him what to do. I hate my doctor because I told her that I feel miserable and instead of trying to make me feel better, she rolled back her eyes and said "if it is THAT bad, find therapy" when I was expecting her to tell me if it was THAT bad, actually. I hate myself the most for having had that one night of unprotected sex and not feeling happy and grateful all the time when there are so many women who wish a baby. Please, don't judge me; I know my son is not guilty of anything and I love him and will protect him, but I can't help feeling like this and in addition to everything else I live in constant fear that something will go wrong with my pregnancy as a punishment for being such a bitch.

Annette - November 28th, 2005 1:06 AM

How can we know it is depression and not just a "bad mood" day?

Jamie - December 8th, 2005 1:05 AM

I don't have an answer to your question, but I can totally identify with everything that you have said. As I read through your paragraph, I was identifying exactly with what you were saying, it was like I was the one who was writing. I can't speak for others because I'm not them, but I can speak for myself: I'm also pregnant (28 weeks) and I've been so frustrated with everything to do with this pregnancy, I'm really resenting everything and everyone - even the stupid dog we have. All I can say is that I very much understand what you are talking about. I write in a journal every day about my feelings and how it feels like I'm back to being a teenager - the insecurity, the low esteem, the angst. And on top of that, dealing with the fear of approaching motherhood and whether I'll be an appropriate mother or not. I didn't have a good childhood, and I know history likes to repeat itself. Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're not alone in your feelings. I wish us both luck in dealing with all this crap.

Sandra - January 10th, 2006 10:27 AM

I'm actually relieved to have read this...I'm 25 weeks now and I've been feeling the same way. I'm a bitch to everyone and can't stand people especially the ones closest to me. I'm tired of the "awww your belly is so cute" comments. I don't feel cute and am looking forward to the day I give birth so that I can regain control of my body once again. I also look forward to having my son in my arms it's the process that I'm having a problem with.

Good luck with your son!

california - January 18th, 2006 6:16 PM

Wow, I thought I was the only one. I am 31 weeks pregnant and I have been very depressed for most of my pregnancy. I have been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder in the past, so I know it is not just a "bad mood day". I feel like the most awful human being in the world for not being ecstatic that I am pregnant. My pregnancy was planned and I am very happy that I am going to have a baby, but it does not change the fact that I am very depressed now. I tried to talk to my doctor about it and he said, "go to a therapist." I did, but digging around in all my insecurities and fears only made me feel even more depressed and in a darker place. I stopped seeing him after 3 months. My theraptist told me that "pregnancy is not the time to be dealing with your stuff." I told my doctor that the therapy was not working out at this time and as I sat crying in the examining room he told me that I had to try again. It is soooo frustrating. I have the most incredible, wonderful, supportive husband in the world and I feel a hundred times worse because I feel like I am not the cute bouncy pregnant woman who loves being pregnant. I feel like I am letting him down, I know this is just my low self esteem and depression talking, but emotionally it is still really hard. My family tries to be supportive, but I think they are sick of my constant negative mood. I hear what you are saying, it is a really tough position to be in. On the one hand you truly love your baby and want everything to be perfect, but on the other, it is REALLY hard to be pregnant and being depressed on top of that makes it feel almost unbearable. When no one around you can truly understand the strange mix of feelings, thoughts and emotions it makes you feel like you are utterly alone. I am going to try going to a female therapist this time, one who has children, I feel like i need to talk to someone who has been through this, not just another man who has absolutely NO concept of what being pregnant feels like. My only advice to you is PLEASE get some kind of help, whether it is an understanding therapist, going to church, joining a support group or whatever. I say this because you will only become more frustrated and lonely if you don't, and that can make the likelihood of post partum depression much higher. Do something for yourself it will be good for you and your baby.

Lynn - January 30th, 2006 8:01 PM

I will pray for you. Do not be so hard on yourself. You made the right decision to have your son and he will be a blessing to you as you are to him.

Antonette, Age 19 - February 2nd, 2006 1:07 AM

Dont feel bad, your not the only one. I get alot about what your saying because I feel the same way about lots of the things you are saying. We can't help it and it seems no one else understands. Its not fair that no one else gets it so bad but the pregnet people. And the guys ecsepesially dont understand. Mine gets mad most of the time because he cant do nothing about it and I constantly feel bad about everything. I harely ever happy. I think I'll be more happy and you after we have our babies, I hope and pray.

Karri Lynn - February 8th, 2006 5:33 AM

I am 31 weeks pregnant and a recovering drug addict. i am having some major insecurity issues and i am developing a psychosis or something that my boyfriend is fooling around on me during these times that i don't look like i used to. i am so mixed up in my head that i can't even tell if he is being supportive or not when i am having a bout of depression. i am starting to do and say things that i don't mean and even though it has only been going on for about a week now, i can tell that he is not going to be able to handle it for much longer. he keeps telling me to go out and do something fun for myself, but i feel like nothing out there is fun and i just wish i could be forgetting about my self-esteem issues the way i used to: using drugs and partying. i am afraid that if i stay this way (very insecure, emotional and angry) our relationship is going to suffer very badly and our baby will too as a result.

tink123 - February 11th, 2006 12:40 PM

I feeel the same way I feel so bab to not want this baby when i should because god had blessed me with it but there are feelings of why me why know so dont feel bad i understand you fully

tink123 - February 11th, 2006 12:48 PM

right now I'm going through a divorce and found out that I'm pregnant with all thats going on with my life this child is the last thing i need. I cant sleep at night I cant eat just to hear my ex's voice when he calls our other 2 kids makes my cry. i try to be strong but cant and a part of me is hating this child for coming into my life and a part of me is wanting is with all my heart. I offten feel depressed an cant get out of bed to feed my own kids. I have no one to talk to and just pour out my heart with out being judged and my ex acts like i'm getting on his nerves if i try to talk to him about whats going on in my head somestimes i feel like killing my self so i could end this pain im in but then i look into the eyes of my 2 beautiful babies and change my mind but i know in my heart that if it wasn't for them i would could some please help me!!!!!!!!!!!!

Kate McKenzie - February 14th, 2006 2:04 PM

Okay, so I am only 10 weeks along and am already so depressed. It's so relieving to find that others relate to this. I planned to get pregnant, but now I feel as though it was a mistake. I don;t want to be pregnant, and at the same time I don't want anything to happen to my baby. I just feel so unattractive because even though only 10 weeks, my body is getting thicker and my jeans just don't fit. It's sweat pants and baggy sweatshirts. My fiance of course tells me that I'm beautiful, but what else can he say? I just want this to be over and get back to looking and feeling good. But I'm also worried that life's gonna end after this child is born. No more freedom to do as I please.

Suzanne - February 14th, 2006 8:56 PM

I feel the same way - this is the most humble I have ever been. I am 30 weeks and I am huge and feel so out of control. I pray that when it is over it will all be worth it just like everyone keeps saying. Hang in there - we are here for you.

Sarah - March 8th, 2006 10:36 AM

I'm so glad I found this post...I just found out yesterday that I am pregnant...About 5 weeks along. I thought I wanted a baby, but now I am so freaked out. I'm not happy at all, and I feel so guilty because of it. My daughter was born 12 years ago, so I'm basically starting all over again....I thought I would be happier than this, but instead I am totally depressed.

jg - March 8th, 2006 6:08 PM

Sarah, it might just be the initial thought of being pregnant that overwhelms you. As you get through the next few weeks and months you will probably feel more relaxed about it all. I was the opposite to you - never thought it would actually happen and when it did experienced overwhelming happiness, so I don't really know what you are going through, but I do feel for you and hope that you feel happier about it all soon.

Susan W - March 15th, 2006 2:27 PM

I completely understand. Baby #1 was unplanned and totally unwanted. I had just started a great new job that I adored. I was in the process of buying a farm. I didn't enjoy being pregnant; actually, I hated every minute. It was really hard, and it was complicated from day one. Delivery was a very difficult one that ended up with me nearly dying. Then a cranky, cranky non-sleeping baby with severe colic on top of that. I ended up going from undiagnosed pregnancy depression into a full blown postpartum depression, and I nearly committed suicide. I also needed medication, and there are safe anti-depressants to take during pregnancy and nursing. I am a highly educated medical professional, and my world still crumbled. Depression won't spare anyone. What you can do right now, is find a really good therapist to talk it out with, now and later should you need it. If you start now, you have the time to find one you click with. I didn't and so I ended up with less than optimum therapy; it still helped, but not as much as it could have. If you can't find or afford a therapist, ask at the hospital(s) in your area if there is a postpartum depression group you can attend. There are also some resources online if you google postpartum depression, like Postpartum Support International. I know you aren't yet postpartum, but they might be able to direct you to some help now. . . . .Take care of this now, or it will not magically resolve at your baby's birth. . . . .And yes, life is not the same after you have a baby. Your body is never the same, in more ways than you would imagine. But somehow, you don't care once you have your issues resolved. I say this from the perspective of just having finished therapy and medication earlier this week, and my DS is 18 months old, and I am now a happier stay at home mom instead of a busy working person. He was 12 weeks when I finally sought help, and I regret those 12 weeks of tears, anger and sadness after 9 months of self-recriminations. You can overcome. The first step is seeking help. Good luck ladies.

Fatima - March 19th, 2006 11:00 PM

I know what you mean, I have always been a person who tends to get depressed easily, and finding the love of my life was the best thing that happened to me. My pregnancy was not planned but in another circumstance I wouldve been so happy. But my bf is in jail since I was one month pregnant and have been so depressed since. I want to be happy, I want to enjoy my pregnancy, but I cant. I cant help but feel depressed, alone and mad at life for taking the love of my life away from me, especially in this moment, when I need him the most. Yesterday was my baby shower and as i saw all the gifts and baby clothes, I cried so hard because I am not looking at our baby stuff with daddy. =(

Ana Marie - April 17th, 2006 6:19 AM

I can completely understand and sympathize with what most of you are feeling. I, too, am depressed. I am 21 weeks pregnant. My husband and I planned our child. Besides the common discomforts of my first trimester, all is well physically now. At least, so far. I am, however, very emotional at this stage. My dilemma is that I am consumed with all these emotions: "jealousy", "insecurity" and not to mention the troubles with "trust." I am going through all these issues that have come at me all at once which is so unbearable. I can't control them. I feel anger towards my husband at times who has been nothing but supportive throughout my ordeal. Although, he is only human and can only take so much. My point is that I am constantly jealous of all of his friends, women in particular that he corresponds with on-line through a forum. It is but an innocent place that he frequents in which they speak of fountain pens. It bothers me that some have shared their life stories with him. Therefore, making me assume that they are seeking not only for comfort, but more than friendship with him. Jealousy took over and now we are constantly fighting. I don't know what to do. I am so lost and confused. It has completely taken over my life as of now and I don't want to remain this way. The problem with him having friends on-line only surfaced recently and never has it bothered me in the past. I'd like to say that this is the result of my pregnancy. I am honestly not quite sure if it is beyond pregnancy - not having anthing to do with my pregnancy is what I'm trying to trying to say. I am just so beside myself. I am to a point of mental exhaustion. I am certain that maybe none of you are experiencing this, but any help , advice or suggestions would be of great help. I will be seeking professional help. This, I will do. We have been speaking about this problem of mine since last week, but feel that I can't trust him wholeheartedly as he interacts with his forum pals even if he told me several times to have faith and trust in him. This saddens me because I know that relationships are based on trust. We have been married for 7 years and this is the only time I felt this way. I can't even begin to convey to anyone why I am feeling this way, but this is my dilemma. It is as if I awoke one morning and manifested itself into this predicament.


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